I'm struggling...


New Member
....to support my Wife through these tough times. She suffers from Depression, and Anxiety and now my Step-Daughter, her Bio Daughter, is choosing drugs and living on the street instead of coming home and getting help. It's literally killing my Wife, everyday is a real struggle for my Wife. I am just at a total loss on how to help her through this. I don't agree with what our daughter is doing but, she's 20 and does not want help.

Back story....

Soo, I'm new here, and I've been doing a lot of reading. Thank you all for all of your contributions to this site. There is lots of great information here and, as sad as it is, it's good to know there are others going through it. I appreciate your open minds and hearts. I hope to offer sympathy and thoughts on other threads as I delve through it all.

I am a Husband/Dad/&Step-Dad it's a hard line to walk sometimes but, I do my best. I find this current path so very hard to navigate. We have 4 kids between us, you can see my Signature where they are all at. I'm here because our eldest who decided to start using drugs when she was 14, mostly marijuana and light drinking. Her teens were extremely rough on me and my Wife; late nights, out drinking, not coming home, Major fights between my Wife and her Daughter that I would have to intervene and stop, my Wife arguing with me about our daughter. Cops called, we had it all, it really tested our relationship. Then after High-School she started to clean herself up, we saw a new side of our Daughter. Finished college, got her drivers license, could carry a lovely conversation with us, just a real treat to be around. Just recently her life changed, she broke up with her boyfriend and she refuses to come home.

The long and short of it is, we have a completely separate place where she could come and live in our home. However, she chooses to live in a tent on the street with her druggy friends. She has a biological Dad that has offered a room in his house, grandparents that have offered her a room in their house and she still continues to be out living in a tent. It's literally crushing my Wife. I had my serious come to and break down moments over this but, I've come to a place where we've done all we can. We are treading lightly as our daughter has her own demons and I know if we try and intervene too much, she's threatened to go completely dark. We've offered her many solutions and yet she just continues to reject everything we offer to her. We love her and want her to come home but, she just doesn't want it.


Well-Known Member
Hi and welcome to the place you don't want to have to come to. None of us do but here we are.

I am not only on here for support, but have been a member of Nar Anon (for people who have loved ones on drugs,) for four years. I've been very involved in what to do and what I cant do about addiction in a loved one. It has been quite a ride.

The bad and almost universal news is that we can do nothing to change our addict. That's sadly right. We can and probably have bribed, begged, cried, offered housing (like you), threatened, and more. But we have no control over anybody else except us and how WE choose to live knowing that we have an addicted, irrational loved one. We can, and most eventually do, learn to detach with love from the choices they make... because we have no control over their choices. To get too involved causes other family problems, estrangement, bitterness and the feeling of helplessness. Can tear your family apart. Even bribing them into rehab is often a wash. They leave rehab early or use the minute they get out. Common story.

Addicts will stop using ONLY when/if they decide to do so. It will have nothing to do with you or your wife. It may not happen. It may. We have to live with unknowns.

To be sane for us, we joined Nar Anon and got a therapist and let our daughters fate rest with God. If God is not in your life, trust the universe or nature or anything comforting because we have no control. None. Nada. It is the same with every parent who comes to Nar Anon with an addicted child. We start out trying everything to "help,,". But our help doesn't help and we finally come to accept that we are powerless over the addict, that our life has become unmanageable. Then we start to work on us and there are so many wonderful ways to do this. My life is calm and good now with the family of ours that is stable and loving.

My daughter is still running around far away, but we can't force her to do better. We have tried everything. I mean everything. You think of it, and for ten years we did it at least once. So we finally let her go because we had no choice. She chose homelessness and drugs and government help. Will not work. Will not try. Says she is happy being.out.if the rat race.

I know that you are not ready to let go yet. At first we try everything.until nothing works. Go at your own pace BUT join Nar Anon (it is on Zoom now too) and/or find a therapist to help you learn how to live fully even with your child a mess. You can do it. We all do eventually. She may be one who quits but if so it will be her choice in her time.

Thanks for visiting and do keep coming back. We care.


New Member
Thanks Busy, For me it will be the NarAnon for now. I'm going to take my Wife to this and find some support for her. There is no doubt this is hard but, her Daughter has always chosen the hardened path, the harder way to go but, it's harder for my Wife to Detach and I hope at some point she finds a way.

I will keep coming back here, as there is lots of support here, in a virtual way.

Thank you again, for your support.


Well-Known Member
Because of marijuana, we have people here in this town who plan to move cross country to live in a state which has legalized pot. They want to move strictly for that sole purpose. They desire to live in a tent as long as they can stay warm/cool. Pot makes people lazy and they lose all motivation in life. Nothing else matters anymore. People say pot isn’t addictive, which cannot be true. If that many people are moving to another state just because it’s legal makes me think it is addictive. When most people pack up and move cross country it’s for a better job or to be closer to family. Not on these cases!


New Member
Hi and welcome! I found this lovely community that nobody wants to be a part of a couple of months ago. The anon groups are really helpful as mentioned. One thing we learn about is how to not enable our loved ones. My husband and I are sometimes in a different place about our son and I have struggled to accept that sometimes. I would like to lovingly suggest that if you go to a support group for families with addiction, go for yourself. Just like the addict has to want change, we family members have to want to do the work to be healthier in the context of addiction. Nobody can tell us when we are ready or willing to do that. It is truly the "put the oxygen mask on yourself first" moment. I have discovered that only way I can help my family is to focus on my own healing. Blessings (of whatever variety you accept) on your journey.