My 4 year old becomes unmanagable when her mother is around


New Member
Hi everyone,

I live with my wife and my 4 year old daughter, she goes to kindergarden. I work, my wife studies and takes care of the kid.

When it's just me and the kid, she is all joy and smiles. She falls asleep in two minutes, sleeps trough the nights, practically never produces tantrums, is very easy to handle and generally totally upbeat.

When my wife is around, my daughter is cranky all the time, hard to manage, cries about something allmost constantly, produces a tantrum at least three times a day. She falls asleep in 90 minutes and wakes up every few hours every night, crying for her mother to snuggle with her. She even started wetting herself during the day again. During the day, when her mother goes to the toilet even, my daughter immediately starts panicing, searching for her in tears. Generally, she seems like a nervous wreck.

When my wife leaves the house my daughter starts crying, but is very easy to dictract, calms down within a minute, all joy and then never even mentions her mother until she's back.

Any thoughts on this?


New Member
What is the child expected to do when mommy is in the bathroom? I know you can't plan every second of the day, but it sounds like mom needs to schedule.

For example, 9-10am is sensory time. Kid is expected to scoop stuff, handle cotton balls, etc. have a designated sensory spot.

10-10:30am is quiet reading time in her room. It's important that the kid and mom have some quiet time away from each other.

Use timers. Use visuals (like a daily chart where the kid gets input in to activities - and maybe gets reward stickers?)

Mom needs to give the kid plenty of opportunities to be good. Most kids want to follow rules and to be praised for their ability to follow directions. But, if the directions aren't clear, they still want the attention!

Is mom providing stimulation throughout the day? This kid sounds desperate to hold moms attention. I hope this helps (I have 4yo twins. One with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)).