And I am quickly deflating and falling..........Plop.......All waded up on the sidewalk. Red, and shriveled, as some random ice cream man steps on me to get to his next customer. You know I was all psyched suddenly about life & difficult child. For once I felt like was making progress in my mental health, and taking ownership for my life. I was excited about the prospects of having a new job in a new state, I was excited that difficult child was making progress, I was finally taking some steps to try and re-open H.s case - and then - the big sticker bush in my life - my parents - completely burst my bubble. Of course to be honest, I had to let them burst it, right? I could have been armed with enough defense to not let one word of what they had to say get to me. I could have simply walked away when things went sour. But no - I stayed and listened - and fought with them - until they had zapped me of every ounce of momentum I had in me. The arguments consisted of how "stupid" it would be for me to move - and then it progressed onto the many injustices I felt over H's case, and her death, and the way they handled it all. Each one of my concerns met with their argument or denial. Crazymaking. Then difficult child called, and of course he had a cr@ppy day, because that is just how it seems to work in my life. He is 2000 miles away, and he has a cr@ppy day too? God help us! It seems like I can only ride a wave for a minute, and then it breaks apart. I am so mad, that I even let myself be exposed to my parent's negativity and venom, let alone allow it to infiltrate into my mind. Today I don't even care about moving. I feel suicidal, and I have not had that feeling in 2 months. It is all very complicated with them. Them and their guilt and the fact "I am their only remaining daughter, and my dad has brain cancer, and they are paying for Matthew's placement, so because of all of that I am obligated to do these things". It makes me want to yak. Or poke my eyes out. Or run, far, far, away. Thanks for listening.