Well, I think even if you all were here watching from the outside, you would still be sitting shaking your heads. OK, for what it is worth, I truly believe my Dad is trying, I think he has become what he can. I think this is *his good side*. LOL He cried (tiny bit) when he met the girls, he could not sleep that night. He thought about them all night. These things surprised me. HE PLAYED WITH THEM!!! He noticed that K looks so much like my Mom... this was huge for me. He showed up with 2 huge stuffed puppies for them, he played dolls with them. One day he came in wearing their goggles and floaties and hats! Saying come on it's swim time! He and his wife came to School and helped drop them off and pick them up. They spoke Spanish to the girls and told them about Mexico. The girls loved them. But then he would just go on and on to me about the past, I don't know if this is his, catharsis... his dealing with things? But he will say things like, "So why did you try to kill your self?" He will ask for an answer, but then act like he just doesn't get it and like it is all no big deal. Tell me all about times with hookers with my StepMom... He truly feels like we were all just kids growing up together. He doesn't think it was really *bad* to have me deal drugs or do drugs... he just laughs and shrugs it off. Taking me to bars every night from 13 on, normal. I don't care about these things anymore, but he keeps bringing them up and trying to understand... I guess trying to understand me? I have told him all about how I was just messed up, with my Mom's suicide and the abuse, being molested, getting pregnant, having BiPolar (BP)... so many things... I had no-one to talk to. That was it no more no less. It sucked. But then he just laughs and says, "well we were all crazy back then, sorry" Then he will tell me a story about how he did something even crazier say 10 years ago, stole an RV and took it to Mexico! He just laughs about it! He acts like he wants to feel and like he is trying but he seems like a shell of a person at times. This was our best visit ever. This was the best he has ever been. But with my Dad, if push came to shove... he would turn on people. husband was very sad one night, I asked him why, he said, "I just wish your Dad understood how great you are, I wish he got it. I wish he realized what he has missed" I was talking to my girlfriend and I told her there was nothing to be angry about, she said, "I will be angry for you, I am angry because he doesn't how much he has f'd up and lost by not being in your life" I guess I see their points, but I can not make a person feel. I can not make a person be a *Dad* the way society and the way we tradionally see a *Dad*. So if he sticks around for awhile and remains safe....well I guess I will continue to let the girls be in his life. As for me, the wall was built so long ago... I don't think I will ever let it come down. I will be his friend, but if he were to disappear or die. So be it. I don't have a Mother or a Father. But I have love... (you all are part of this) So I am chalking this up to a good visit.