My son accepted a plea deal.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tanya M, Jun 1, 2017.

  1. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    As I shared in previous post, my son was arrested in late November for assault with a deadly weapon (knife).
    Of course he swears he is innocent. I have been able to read the court minutes online and there are 2 witnesses that dispute his innocence. **it's amazing what you can find out online**
    My son had made the choice to defend himself which of course made me think of the old line "he who defends himself has a fool for a client"

    We received a letter from our son and he shared that he decided to accept a plea deal. He will be in prison for 2 1/2 years, probably less for time served. He said he didn't trust the judicial system to be fare and knew that the "lizard people" would railroad him. Lizard people is his new name for all that are associated with law enforcement or the courts because they are all crooked and dishonest.
    Had this gone to trial he could have received up to 30 years.

    The rest of his letter was about how much he's going to miss smoking pot and living free. How he will miss working on a pot farm. He complained about how he lost everything, his dog, his belongings, his guitar, some kind of backpack/tent thing that he worked so hard to earn enough money to buy.
    He touched on how his life has been a mess since his childhood. Nice indirect dig at me and his dad.

    You know, just once, I wish instead of blaming his circumstance on others that he would own up to it. He's 35 years old.

    He did wish me a belated happy birthday and shared that he received his sentence on my birthday. Well isn't that special. o_O

    There is a strange peace that comes from knowing he's locked up, sad but true. It is what it is.

    I am fine. I will continue to live my life with joy and happiness.

    Thanks for listening all you warrior parents. ((HUGS)) to you all......:grouphug:
     
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Tanya:

    Glad that you have some peace with this situation and he is very lucky that he didn't get 30 years! I hope and pray he uses this time to turn his life around and take responsibility for his actions.

    I am struggling with my own son taking responsibility for his actions at 21. As many have said, some people are just wired differently. I don't get it at all. My son never blames us for a bad childhood or anything like that but he wants a better life but has been too lazy - not sure if lazy is the right word - to do the work. He just got a sponsor and is in sober living (again) so I'm hoping this time things will be different but I know in the end it is up to him and only him.

    It's so shocking to me that those that use drugs and alcohol and have a shi**y life don't SEE this as the reason why. It's as plain as day.
     
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  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Thanks RN. :)

    I hold onto 1% of hope for my son to turn his life around. Why only 1%? I have been on this crazy roller coaster with my son for over 20 years and have had my "hopes" crushed too many times. There will always be a part of me that hopes for the best but I am realistic enough to know that may never happen for my son. The way I wished he would live his life is not the way he chooses. I'm okay with that. Took me a long time to get to that point of acceptance.

    Your son is still young and the fact that he's got a sponsor and is in sober living is a good sign. Having a sponsor is great as he will help to hold your son accountable. I hope things go well for your son and he continues on a road of recovery.
     
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  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Thanks. He is there because he knows we are DONE and has nowhere else to live BUT I do think he is finally realizing that he needs to do this BUT I don't know if he will stick with it.

    It's hard for a 21 year old - in my opinion - to accept they cannot have a beer ever again. At least it would have been for me, but my life has not been stalled nor torn apart by drug or alcohol use. I just know how young people think. If someone tells me I can't have something (like a big piece of cake!) I want it more. Naturally everyone there is OLDER than he is.

    He sounds excited about his sponsor. He said the guy has been sober 30 years (around 50 years old I think) and really LOUD which he likes because son is shy/quiet and he likes that he is talkative. He is friends with the owner of the facility too. He mentioned he is gay and I am thrilled with that because I am a big fan because I feel that brings a lot of things to the table such as compassion and sensitivity that I think will be a benefit to my son also.

    I can understand how you feel about your son Tanya. It's been over five years and I'm already exhausted!!
     
  5. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    I am so sorry Tanya. I know my son is younger but looking at your signature mine is along the same path. And with a high IQ to boot. Mine is headed for his 'first' felony. I do not know if I can do this for much longer but you are an inspiration. Thinking of you.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    RN, again...your beloved son will learn ways to kick back and relax other than beer. Fact is, your son doesnt drink one beer. He gets drunk, often adds drugs and gets into trouble. Alcohol for him is a trigger.

    What else can he do to relax? Watch a funny movie. Read. Eat nachos. Meditate. His sponsor will show him ways. Thats part of a sponsors job.

    There are tons of people who face life without beer, many by choice (to me beer smells so foul that I cant imagine drinking it). Your son will also make alcohol free friends, like the sponsor. Like those in sober living.

    You have no reason to give up your beer, but the issue is different for your son. He will have to take a different path, but he will have a lot of support. He can do this.
     
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    SWOT I hate beer so I didn't mean it for me! LOL

    If beer were the only alcoholic beverage available I'd never indulge!
    :beersmiley:
    :whoopdedoo:
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have learned to like red wine :)
     
  9. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Oh my Tanya, I am so sorry for all of this, the whole history of struggle with your son. These kids are definitely wired differently and take us on their hell-ride with them, until we know better. You are a pillar of strength and a shining example for us all. Thank you for sharing, and for being YOU!
    YUP, that is what I get from my two. It is all my fault and they try to get me to give in to that idea, either by word, deed or sleight, or just plain no contact on their account (which I admit, is sometimes a respite). The thing is, maybe we could have been perfect in our parenting (which is impossible) and it would be a similar result? We could spend a lifetime thinking of all the variables, yet end up at the same place, these kids grow up, make their own choices, and live the consequences.
    My Rain is 38. It would be nice to see her own up as well, but I think we have both learned not to gauge our own lives on what our D c's do, or do not do. That has been an important part of my freedom from the chains that bound me for so many years. I have no control over what my adult children do. Of course there are times when I am sad over it all, but I have also learned to say a prayer and ask God to watch over my two and relieve the pain from my weary heart and mind.
    I totally get this Tanya. At least you know where he is.
    HAH! You were probably silently shouting YAY! NO MORE POT! I am sure there is something to the whole "medicinal value" of it, but I have watched so many young people go down the poop shoot because pot becomes their whole focus in life. Tornado included. Dazed and confused and partying. UGH.
    I know you will be fine dear, it is good that you shared. You are an example for me of how to deal with this ordeal, not let it rob you of your joy. I believe that is the best example and lesson we can give these adult kids of ours. Focus on living to our full potential, with joy and happiness.
    Thank you so much again, for sharing your story and strength.
    (((HUGS)))
    Leafy
     
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  10. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Thanks Leafy, your words truly touched my soul.

    I have to admit, this made me laugh! Yup, dazed and confused, that pretty much sums up my son.
     
  11. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Tanya, I just saw your post. I am so glad you are taking this in such good stride and with such good humor.

    I will post an update one of these days. I have been off licking my wounds for awhile. For now I will just say I can relate to much of your post, sadly. My son is now in jail for the first time, awaiting trial on a felony drug charge. The only thing surprising about it is that it took this long for it to happen. The blaming, guilt-tripping and pity plays stagger my mind and my heart.

    Of course I too hope that this will be some kind of turning-around time for your son, but mostly what I wanted to say is that you and your graceful and down-to-earth acceptance of these sorts of things is such an inspiration to me. Thank you.
     
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  12. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Awe, @Albatross, thank you for your sweet words. So glad we all have each other here to lean on.
     
  13. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I've been off the board for a bit. Tanya, I'm sorry things worked out this way, but glad he took the plea. Frankly, I'm surprised they offered it with no lawyer to put any actual pressure on them. After all, it's pretty easy to win when the other side doesn't know what they're doing.

    Hold on to your joys and remember we are all here if this gets rougher than it is.
     
  14. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

  15. mcdonna

    mcdonna Active Member

    Oh my, Tanya. I'm sorry to hear that your son has landed in jail but yet glad that the plea option was available. I hope the 2+ years will be enough time for him to figure things out. Although he says he has "lost" a lot of things - maybe there will be more to gain from this experience.

    You have been so strong throughout all of these ordeals. I wish you the peace and happiness you so deserve.
     
  16. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

  17. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Albatross said it so well. My sentiments exactly. Following along with you, Tanya. Your strength and wisdom is a stalwart support and encouragement.
    I fully understand. Stay as peaceful as you can. Take care..
     
  18. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Tanya, you are one of the great strengths on this forum. I hope he finally pulls it together.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2017
  20. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Thanks @SomewhereOutThere

    I also hope he will finally get it together. Only time will tell.........