My son just called. Update.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Copabanana, Aug 25, 2015.

  1. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    My son just called me.

    He was at his job site.

    He sounded so happy.

    It was such a normal phone call.

    His friend (his employer) was at his side, and relayed his greetings.

    My son said he has kept his agreement to his friend to work every day there was work. He has been working 6 days a week since the first of August.

    I asked, "how is the work?" (Landscape Concrete)

    He replied, "It comes naturally to me."

    (It was always perplexing to M, my SO, that my son would refuse work when he loves physical activity.)

    I wanted to remind him about his appointment with the Hepatologist on Sept 23rd. I wanted to ask him if he got his blood work done.

    I did not.

    He said, well, I'll call you when I get home.

    By my count I said 6 words on the call, including Hi and Bye.
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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Copa, what a great phone call! All the way around! He is working and you stood down.

    Anytime we can do what you did, and do what he is doing...that is a very good day.

    It's my belief that the best possible thing for our struggling DCs is hard physical work and/or exercise, as much as they can get.

    It's so good that your son and my son are working outside and working hard.

    And it's such a gift and a blessing when we can simply...say...very very little.

    We've already thrown millions of words at it...and now it's time to be much more quiet and let them live life on life's terms.

    What progress we have all made! Let's high five ourselves! I hope you can relax into this phone call and the outcome of it and have a great rest of today.
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  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    You guys, you know how much I wanted to nag him about his liver. You just know it.

    In that instant of deciding I thought to myself this: "Do you think nagging him will further his taking responsibility and following through or not?" The honest answer to myself was that by asking him, I would be voting against him, his taking responsibility for his own health and following through. So I stayed quiet.

    It was very hard. A half hour after the call, it is still hard. I worry about his health so much. But I understand finally that my worrying about his health is not what counts. It is his concern to handle or not. So hard. It is hard to stay quiet when his life is at stake. But I guess that describes all of our situations.
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  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Good job Copa!

    I'm glad that you were able to talk to him. I'm glad he's doing well with his job.

    It is hard to not profess our thoughts and worries to them, however our silence does speak to them. It's what they don't hear us say that is affirming to them, that we trust them to live their own lives.
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I think you did the right thing. I know you worry, I would too, but nagging (that's what he'd call it) would be counter-productive. Today he was able to be proud of himself for working and standing on his own two feet. Be proud with him. Reminding him would undercut that pride - I suspect the feeling would be, "No matter what I do she thinks I can't take care of myself." That's the opposite of the message you want to convey. I know how nerve-wracking the health situation must be...but he's doing well in other areas. Hopefully that will transfer to all the other aspects of his life.

    I haven't heard from mine now in about two weeks. I'm fighting the urge to text and just ask about how things are going...but I'm afraid to open the floodgates. :( I really, really wish I could have a "normal" conversation. Cherish it!
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  6. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    Copa, it's GREAT to get a call that's "normal", - not tragic or whiny or worrying or negative!

    Glad you had that and here's to more of the same!
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  7. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    So vey nice to read this post Copa. What a great phone call. And how you handled it means he'll want to call you again! [emoji173]️
  8. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Wow! What a wonderful post!

    I am so glad you have this!
  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Copa, you are doing so well. You are right. It is hard to stay quiet. It is so hard to stop seeing them as our little boys when, somehow over the past years, they have turned into grown men.

    I am happy for you both, Copa.