My sons ex grrrrrrrrr!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gjax58, Feb 1, 2015.

  1. gjax58

    gjax58 New Member

    My Son is 33 and a very hard worker. Almost 4 years ago he reconnected with this woman on FB and boy what a mistake that was. In 2013 he decided to work hard for the job of his dreams and went into a full time academy (in house) he was gone for 3 months. While in the academy his girlfriend was messing around with someone else (skank) She is the type where the world revolves around her (so she thinks) Come graduation and my son was to come home and start his new career, well she had him arrested for for assault on her only 2 days after he graduated, She claims that he bit her, spit in her face, and choked her prior to him going into the academy. Sad to say that all that he worked so hard for, and to make a better life for he and she and their daughter, was all taken away only 2 days after graduation all because she wanted to be with the one she was cheating on while my son was in the academy. To make a loooooong story short, he was suspended until the out come of a trial. The trial was over in 2014 and I thank God each and every day that the jurors had the sense enough to see past her lies and my son was found NOT GUILTY on ALL charges. Since then she has admitted that she made it all up because she would rather of had my son look like an abuser than she a cheat grrrrrrrrrrr. mind you when my son was first arrested he spent 29 days in jail for NOTHING. This month now he has to go in front of the board and hopefully he will get his job back. Please pray and keep him in your thoughts that they take him back!!
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope things go well for your son!
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Wow what a witch! I wish people who made false claims had to take some kind of punishment
  4. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    If he can prove this through her texting him, she might be able to sue her.
  5. gjax58

    gjax58 New Member

    2much, I was thinking the same thing, but she said this all in person and only to him. I doubt very much that she would admit to anything via text or email. She purged herself at the trial and I wish to God that there was some way to prove it. It seems like the people who hurt others get away with things and the good people suffer :(....She is now living her life with her new boyfriend and my Granddaughter, while my son is in limbo right now. so not fair but I hope that one day she will get hers. KARMA!!..I just hope I live to see it in action!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    gjax58, although I in no way condone what this lady did (trust me on this), it is also partly our adult children's responsibility to be careful about who they live with and marry. I have talked to my son and we have tried to analyze why he was ever drawn to somebody like his ex because her behavior is on her shoulders, however his choice to be with her and to have a child with her, after it was clear she would not be faithful, was HIS decision. Hopefully our men and women "children" learn from their mistakes.

    I hope your son moves on and does not let himself become overtaken by the ugly emotion of rage/revenge. He can hold his head up now. That is his revenge, so to speak. It is best to let things go, in my opinion. I can't stand my son's ex, but I don't spend time thinking about her or wish her ill or wish her much of anything at all, good or bad. She is not a part of my life. My son is doing a good job of trying to deal with her himself, as he has no choice. It is hard for him because he has a difficult temperament and gets angry easily, but he's getting better at it. He's stuck with her because they share legal custody of my grandson.

    A lot of us, parents on this forum, did not pick such hot spouses ourselves and I am certainly one of those. But I picked him and that decision, because we have children albeit grown, make us sort of stuck together for life...yuk!!!

    There are lessons to be learned even from terrible experiences. That's the good news. You already know the bad :)
  7. gjax58

    gjax58 New Member

    MidwestMom, I kind of agree with you. BUT, the mother of my sons daughter (thank goodness he knew not to marry her) was a sweetheart for maybe the first 6 months or so of their relationship until her true self eventually came out. As time went on he was told to get away from her even her Uncle told my son to get away from her and that fell on deaf ears. By then he was already in love and we all know when it gets that far, well love is blind and NOTHING will change ones mind until it gets as far as it got with my son. My Granddaughter was THE best thing that came out of that mess, and to have her now, well I'm glad that things happened the way they did. Because now I have a BEAUTIFUL Granddaughter and the ex is, well the ex, yay!! believe you me my son has learned his lesson and says that from now on he will listen to anyone who has doubts about his next girlfriend. He has decided to focus on getting his career back and bringing up his daughter before he jumps into another relationship anyways, so I guess that I can safely say lesson learned :)....Tomorrow he goes up against the board to see if he does get his job back so fingers crossed.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What did the Board say about your son? I hope they gave his job back! I also pray he can move past this and coparent with his ex. If I were him, I would check the state laws about recording conversations and I would always have a recorder running while talking with the ex. She can claim child abuse at ANY time and get away with it. My bro's exwife did this and dang near destroyed him. His ex convinced their then 5yo to lie to the SW and it went on for months. Niece actually asked the judge if what her mommy said was the truth even if it never happened, even if daddy never did any of it - and this didn't end the court proceedings. It is super easy to get a child to believe a lie, and to tell it as the truth, so your son needs to remember all of this and NEVER assume that he is safe around his ex.

    There is an app through Robin McGraw's Aspire Initiative (Dr Phil's wife) that looks like a news app but is for people being abused. You activate the app and it notifies someone that you designate and it records everything around you for a certain amt of time. Your son could use this with his phone any time he talks with his ex on the phone and any time he sees her in person. It could help protect him in the future and might even catch her admitting to her lies about the abuse, which would go HUGELY to protecting him from future allegations and to getting more custody of his daughter.

    The app is free, and if he googles it he can find out how to get it. It is pretty amazing and has gotten a LOT of praise from a lot of people for helping get people out of dangerous situations and for documenting things with-o letting abusers know it is happening. When in use it looks like a news app.

    I hope he got his job back and I hope this never happens again. I know the devastation that it can cause.
  9. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Even if he only records his side of the conversation - not violating any laws, his reactions to what she is saying could reveal a lot about the situation.
  10. gjax58

    gjax58 New Member

    Thank you to everyone, my son got his job back I am so happy for him. Thank you Susiestar I will tell him about the app I think he is going to need it. Who knows what she may accuse him of next, this girl can not be trusted EVER!! He picks up his daughter at the police station and she picks her up at my home here so it may be difficult for her to start anything but I guess only time will tell.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It doesn't matter where she picks up the child. All she has to do is to claim the child shows signs of abuse and she can turn his world upside down again and again. Once the child can talk it gets easier because children have a hard time knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. It has been proven that just asking a question as few as four times can have the child believe something happened that didn't.

    If you ask a child "Did Daddy touch you here?" and the child says "no" and you ask the question a few more times the child will say yes because clearly no was the wrong answer. Then the child will quickly start to believe that yes was the right answer because it was the one that the adult accepted. My niece was 8 when my exsil did this to her and my brother. It was 9 months of sheer torture. the witch even had his work computer seized, very publicly, claiming there was evidence on it. Bro was eventually found innocent and his ex was chewed out by the judge bigtime, but her custody of niece was not changed. The judge said that it was incredibly clear that she coached and coerced her daughter into lying to the police and the court, and that it was reprehensible. in my opinion she should have lost all but supervised visitation for putting her child through this, but here the judges flat out refuse to alter 50/50 custody for much of anything. Even her admissions of using drugs constantly have not been enough to even reduce her custody.

    Make darn sure that YOU are also protected when she comes to pick up your granddaughter. Use that app yourself because she could accuse you or anyone in your home of anything she can dream up. If you have a security system or can get a drop cam (web cam you can set up anywhere very easily that records everything - very simple and not terribly expensive), videotape what goes on at pick up time.
  12. gjax58

    gjax58 New Member

    Thank you Susiestar. Oh she has already accused me of harassing her when I just called to ask a simple question. After all this she is well known to the police and many think that she is whacked. My son being a police officer himself knows enough to NEVER be alone with her because of what he just went through. He was a part time police officer for a year until he tried for full time and that is when this all happened. I don't know how women sleep at night knowing that they are trying to ruin some ones life, so sad.
  13. gjax58

    gjax58 New Member

    Thank you