Fellow parents.. if I am posting too much just say so.. I am doing this post since I really had no strength to do so yesterday and some have said they want to know how things went.. but I do not want to overstay or over post my welcome :smile:
Well... Overall the visit was well it seems to take me about an hour to get a bit comfortable around so many people being there and as funny as it may sound even being around my own Son, I find myself wanting to deal with issues and talk to him but also think prior to trying to do so, as I do not want to have him feel like every time he sees Dad he must deal with them.. make sense?
I had a hard time with my choice to not include my Mom in the visit they are very close, so Friday night I actually said a prayer and asked that I make the right choice and when I wake up what ever was on my mind would be the right choice to make for this visit, so I woke up and proceeded to include my Mother which of course she was very excited to do.
(When she is with me on a visit I feel as though I am just there and she controls and tried to take over - I am still trying to figure this out, she has been a huge HUGE help over the years, I guess I just get upset when she acts and says she is a Mom to him and it is always well David if WE would have done this or that maybe Justin would not be in this situation... )
Anyway.. he was very well behaved and I think he just enjoys the presence of us being there he just wanted to sit and hang out. They had a Christmas music singing for us, but he was not part of it.. he said because the music teacher did not want him to be a part of it.because he did not have the time to teach new kids... then the family counselor asked him why he was not part of it and he only told her .. um I do not know.... (I said nothing)
We had a group meeting on family passes due to Christmas coming up and this brought Justin down... afterwards he wanted to discuss coming home, Daddy.. I feel like I can do it, I promise I will go to bed on my own and brush my teeth and you can trust me not to take the car or do anything against the law... I explained to him how much I believe that he believes he is ready to come home, then explained that much more in involved like school and what happens if a kid or teacher in school upsets him how will you re-act, making a long story short here as this conversation went on.. I noticed he was trying to manipulate me in a very mild way... (by not allowing me to finish my answers to him or him listening to my words, only wanting his words heard)
I said, Justin, do you feel like you would be doing as good as you have been doing the last couple of weeks IF you were not at TSNC? He said NO!!! (So he sees that this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is helping him) I told him OK then this is an answer to everything your asking, if in 4 months you feel you are doing this good, then what make you think that more time will not help any more?? He did not like this but was respectful and accepted the answer... this is when another child in his group (that is going home in a few weeks) came in and really was a life saver... explaining to Justin that there is no "Sign" to tell your Dad when to bring you home (Justin's big thing is When will you know it is time for me to come home, what do you want me to do...) this child (whom Justin is very close to) explained that even he was concerned that he was not sure how things will be for him after he leaves he wants to go home but he asked himself am I ready... he explained to Justin.. your not at that point yet you just want to go home, so do all the other boys here...
Oh .. he told me he found out.... the only way to get discharged early.. is to run away multiple times!!!
I acted as if he was not saying anything big yet was screaming inside OH GOD NO WAY how did you find out... so calmly I said yea.. and if that happens what has your probation officer told you where you will go if you get kicked out? Training School.. he said yea I know
I could go on and on but will not we said our goodbye's and left - I came home last night and just fought myself again all night.. trying to figure out.. how I could bring him home...
Well... Overall the visit was well it seems to take me about an hour to get a bit comfortable around so many people being there and as funny as it may sound even being around my own Son, I find myself wanting to deal with issues and talk to him but also think prior to trying to do so, as I do not want to have him feel like every time he sees Dad he must deal with them.. make sense?
I had a hard time with my choice to not include my Mom in the visit they are very close, so Friday night I actually said a prayer and asked that I make the right choice and when I wake up what ever was on my mind would be the right choice to make for this visit, so I woke up and proceeded to include my Mother which of course she was very excited to do.
(When she is with me on a visit I feel as though I am just there and she controls and tried to take over - I am still trying to figure this out, she has been a huge HUGE help over the years, I guess I just get upset when she acts and says she is a Mom to him and it is always well David if WE would have done this or that maybe Justin would not be in this situation... )
Anyway.. he was very well behaved and I think he just enjoys the presence of us being there he just wanted to sit and hang out. They had a Christmas music singing for us, but he was not part of it.. he said because the music teacher did not want him to be a part of it.because he did not have the time to teach new kids... then the family counselor asked him why he was not part of it and he only told her .. um I do not know.... (I said nothing)
We had a group meeting on family passes due to Christmas coming up and this brought Justin down... afterwards he wanted to discuss coming home, Daddy.. I feel like I can do it, I promise I will go to bed on my own and brush my teeth and you can trust me not to take the car or do anything against the law... I explained to him how much I believe that he believes he is ready to come home, then explained that much more in involved like school and what happens if a kid or teacher in school upsets him how will you re-act, making a long story short here as this conversation went on.. I noticed he was trying to manipulate me in a very mild way... (by not allowing me to finish my answers to him or him listening to my words, only wanting his words heard)
I said, Justin, do you feel like you would be doing as good as you have been doing the last couple of weeks IF you were not at TSNC? He said NO!!! (So he sees that this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is helping him) I told him OK then this is an answer to everything your asking, if in 4 months you feel you are doing this good, then what make you think that more time will not help any more?? He did not like this but was respectful and accepted the answer... this is when another child in his group (that is going home in a few weeks) came in and really was a life saver... explaining to Justin that there is no "Sign" to tell your Dad when to bring you home (Justin's big thing is When will you know it is time for me to come home, what do you want me to do...) this child (whom Justin is very close to) explained that even he was concerned that he was not sure how things will be for him after he leaves he wants to go home but he asked himself am I ready... he explained to Justin.. your not at that point yet you just want to go home, so do all the other boys here...
Oh .. he told me he found out.... the only way to get discharged early.. is to run away multiple times!!!
I acted as if he was not saying anything big yet was screaming inside OH GOD NO WAY how did you find out... so calmly I said yea.. and if that happens what has your probation officer told you where you will go if you get kicked out? Training School.. he said yea I know
I could go on and on but will not we said our goodbye's and left - I came home last night and just fought myself again all night.. trying to figure out.. how I could bring him home...