Need advice lawyer wants help

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tired mama, Jan 26, 2018.

  1. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I have posted before but i need advice on the current situation. My Difficult Child is currently in jail according to the lawyer unfairly. After i had him 302d in october he was sent to jail for becoming aggressive with police during the intake. When they said he was compliant he was taken directly to jail. Because he had charges in several places this instigated a series of transfers to other facilities. His lawyer says it was a nightmare because he couldnt get him to where he was supposed to be when and had to keep rescheduling. Also during this time medications were inconsistent at best so any progress is questionable. Finally got out in January and was having trouble feeling like he couldnt focus and couldnt stay awake. He is bipolar and anxiety and did have drugs in his system at intake. So checked himself into hospital which is progress for him. Stayed almost 2 weeks. When he got out was tryng to set up outpatient . went to a hearing and judge revoked his bond according to his lawyer for no reason except that the judge is an. &:#:;!#:. Anyway went to jail and it is starting again. Transfered to another so missed a hearing on and on. Lawyer wants me to write a letter to judge asking her to let him out so he can get treatment and resolve cases. I am ok with that. He wants me to go to court and ask to be heard and present it to her. Possible if she is rude report her. I have trouble with that. What should i do?
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I think you should trust your attorney or find one you do trust.

    Jus because a person is a judge doesn't mean they are a decent person. I had a hard time finding an attorney who would go up against the juvenile judge in our town.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Report the judge to who? Judges can be rude. My son is in a custody nightmare and has had three Judges and sometimes they aren't polite. And he hasn't even broken the law. Who on Earth would care if ajudge is rude? Who would you even report it to?

    I am cautious. Before I did one thing, especially if this guy gets money from me, I would get a second opinion. Some lawyers have free consultations. I am unsure what a letter from you would accomplish if he is 36. Your son is on his least I would not do anything partly at the risk of making things worse. A demanding letter from a protective mom about her 36 year old adult kid....not sure what that could accomplish. Then again, I am not in the field.

    From my son's experiences with the legal system, the chaos and lack of interest in son's well being sounds about right to me. The justice system is comprised of all kinds of people and is not particularly kind. Not the way I see it.

    Good luck. I understand the confusion. I feel it but I can't write to his judge when I think he makes a bad decision.
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2018
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Judges are lawyers and all lawyers are subject to the bar association and the bar disciplinary committees of whatever state they are in. There is usually some committee for the discipline of the judiciary as well. But what and who and where to file a complaint, differs from state to state.

    I agree with SWOT that a 2nd opinion with another lawyer is not a bad idea. I also can't imagine any circumstance where a person can just go to court and ask to get up and address a judge. Maybe, if there is a hearing on bond or something...the lawyer could call you as a witness? This isn't really my field and things do differ from state to state, but no judge I ever heard of would just let some random person out of the gallery get up and talk to them.
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  5. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Thank you all for your thoughts i was actually wanted some opinions about whether if it was stressful for me to stand up in court it would be wrong if i didn't. Like i said if the lawyer and my son feel it would help i am ok with a respectfully worded letter but thinking of myself i don't want to stand up in court. Am i being selfish?
  6. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I worded that wrong i think the argument is that she sent him to jail for longer than is mandated is my understanding and was ignorant about it. I really dont want to stand up in her courtroom mainly because of the stress it would cause me and i am afraid i would say the wrong things.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If she is a bad judge, one letter from the mother of a mentally ill inmate trying to clear up multiple charges is probably not going to actually accomplish anything. Not that you are not believable or trustworthy, just that the system is so stacked against you and your son. Then in ANY future cases, this WILL be held against your son (the complaint made to whomever is above the judge). Be careful with this.

    And I am the one who says to complain and make sure you are heard, at least most of the time. I would look to see if she is appointed or elected, then if she is a bad judge you have a way to see how to get her out of office.

    As for speaking up for your child, if she is a bad judge, who knows if it will help or hurt. I would ask the lawyer a few more questions. How will he know the judge won't hold a letter from Mommy against your son? How will he know the judge will even listen to you or let you speak? Why would she listen to you? You have no real bearing on the case at hand unless the charges are for crimes he committed against you, if that is understandable.

    If it were my son, and he truly was trying to make things right and was clean of drugs and alcohol, and was respectful toward me and my property, I would likely make the effort for him. At least if I knew he was doing the best he could. If he is being yanked around and kept from treatment by the system, and I can make a request, what can it hurt? I can let the system know that he has family who cares and who is aware enough to work to not enable. We want what is best for him, but we know he has to do what he needs to in order to make up for his crimes also. He just needs to get treatment for his problems as he can. I would make the letter as clear, concise, and respectful as possible.
  8. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    ?thank you i value your advice and appreciate your support.
  9. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    What about writing a letter to the judge, describing the addiction/mental health issues your child struggles with. Have the attorney help you with the letter. Then maybe the attorney can ask to present the letter to the judge on your behalf, at the appropriate time. Then you wouldn't have to speak in court.

    Make sure letter is appropriate in tone, to the point, and possibly back it up with copies of medical/mental health records that would support the type of help your child needs... Ksm
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think ksm's idea is great. It is ALWAYS helpful to include evidence to support your letter. Just not reams of it! I usually go overboard (can't you tell by my writing here that I tend to write more rather than less?).

    Go for bullet points in your letter with short supporting documents for each one. Maybe something from each doctor if you have it. Or even not something from each doctor, just info about each doctor that he sees and something from the main doctors or just that your son has seen these main doctors. Your son's lawyers may have to get info from the doctors, but it usually comes across better to the judges if the info comes from family. It seems as if the family is involves. That is always a good thing, even if it isn't 100% the strict truth. With a judge who tends on the side of the against treatment, it can really help to seem as if you are more involved. As long as it isn't an outright lie, let her think it, I say.

    Judges will be FAR less likely to read a whole paragraph. They will be likely to read those bullet points, especially if you keep them very short. I had a hard time when we dealt with the legal system with my son (as I am sure you can tell!). The judge did get a strong impression that we loved our son and were very involved, which was the truth. Here there are many parents who let the system raise their kids. We were not those parents. We even had letters from the hospital he was in saying they hadn't seen more involved parents (in a healthy way), ever. That helped us get what we asked for, especially when we put that letter first. I learned that the judge often only looks at one or two of the supporting documents, so lead with your strongest evidence. Whatever doctors say that he is truly ill, put that in the first bullet points and put those documents first.

    If you have to contact doctors, ask for a short summary of what he has and what he needs. Tell them that you will even type it if they want to tell you what to say. I found that the staff put us at the top of the list if we tried to make their job easier. I also took them little treats to say thank you. I either took homemade cookies or muffins on a plate that did NOT need to be returned, or I asked how many people were in the office and I made Christmas ornaments or Valentines or whatever for the staff. Yes, the whole staff. I did all I could to sweeten them up and make them think well of us. Especially when my son was a difficult patient and I could do nothing about it.

    These are just what I did when having to deal with office staff. If you cannot do for the whole staff, just do for the office staff. Right now I just do for the staff at one of my doctor's offices that I see directly. I do get better treatment by them than many other patients, so it does help.
  11. HALO527

    HALO527 New Member

    Hi. I'm having a similar situation. You have to have the attorney handle it for you, but a second opinion is always a good thing. I chose an attorney who is very well versed with the courthouse my son has his case in and who knows the DA'S and Judges. In our case, he had us hire a psychiatrist who prepared a report for the court. It was expensive, but it helps the court to understand the behavior and figure out what to do. If the crime isn't violent, they may be able to send him to a mental health court, we have them where I live. The court will have him get on a program or halfway house. If your son has already been under a psychiatrists or doctors care, get them to write a letter about your sons mental disease for the court. Hope this helps you!
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  12. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Some excellent suggestions. The bullets are a great idea and i will try to get hold of reports but he has to sign releases first. I have asked before. Also the attorney said he would try to get the releases and will present it if i want him to. I think i will take him up on that. Thank you all i feel better knowing what you think. I hope all of us have the strength to get us through our legal battles as well as our emotional ones.
  13. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Update sent a respectful letter with bullets outlining how his incarceration was interfering with his treatment with examples . unable to get evidence. I did not go to court. The lawyer is going to collect medical reports. We are going to hire an independent psychiatrist to evaluate and back up diagnosis. Thank you again for your suggestions. I will still not allow him home if he gets out.