Need advice on sleeping

[canadianmom1]

The past few nights I have not been able to get Garrett to go to sleep in his room at all. I have been letting him fall asleep in my room then moving him when my husband comes home from work or when I need to go to bed. Last night it took 3 hours for him to calm down and stay in my room. He keeps going in and out of all the rooms, coming down stairs, picking up his puppy (he is training his own Jack Russlle pup who he just loves) and putting her in bed with him. Then 10 min later he bring her back down. When he does get to sleep it is only for a few hours then he is up again either in his room or comes and lays down in the living room. In the morning he is back up between 6 and 7am.. right now I think he is sleeping a totaly of 4 or 5 hours a night.. I normally try and puthim to bed between 8-8:30 depending on what activity is going on that night. Tonight It was after 10:30 before he finally got quiet and stayed in one place.. Does anyone have any suggestions. We do not see the dr again until the 26th.. I am about ready to drop. I am trying to keep up with him plus my daughter who is in a ton of activities right now due to championships in both baton and cheerleading.. I have Garrett in two activites a week and he is extreamly active with his friend after school. Not to mention working with his puppy for an hour everyday, and trying to wear her out.. (Not easy to tire a 4 month old Jack Russlle out lol) Even tonight the dog droped before he did.

 

[Liahona]

Sorry to tell you this, but sleep problems didn't start getting better for us until difficult child 1 got on medications for bipolar. Can you sleep when he is at school?

 

[canadianmom1]

I have been trying to sleep when he is not home. Unfortunatly while he is at school I have to clean up the huge messes he leaves every day. That and my sister has this need for me to be in constant contact with her. My phone rings at least 5 times a day with her. I also have to look after my nephew twice a week.

 

[Liahona]

Are you married? Maybe husband/so could do bedtime duty while you go to bed at a reasonable time and then you could get up with difficult child while he sleeps in until he gets 8 hours sleep?

My house is a mess. I figure its either a clean house or my sanity I can't have both. Is there anyone else in the family sister could call?

 

[canadianmom1]

I am married. husband is trying his best to help me but he is a truck driver and works really long and odd hours. He normally takes difficult child one day one the weekend by himself to give me a day off. My easy child is a blessing also and is trying her best to help (the past week she has gotten him ready for school and to their ride)

As for my sister. That is a lost cause. There are a ton of issues there. Stupid thing is she is great with difficult child and takes him on Tuesday evenings so I can take my daughter to he vocal class then take my neice and daughter to baton.

There really isn't anyother family close to us and I don't trust to many people with my kids.

 

[Liahona]

Can she take difficult child another night as well so that you have two times to sleep? A nap in the evening during the week and when husband takes him.

Way to go for easy child.

 

[timer lady]

It's taken a long time to get kt's sleep patterns down. First it took stabilization on medications; then the work began.

For 2 or 3 years kt slept on the sofa in our living room, fully dressed. We started transitioning kt home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Dec & decided to put a television & a computer in her bedroom. At the very least, this keeps her in her room at night.

She is in her bedroom at 7:30 on school nights - 8: 30 on the weekends. I let her play until it's time to sleep & I head up, turn off the television, rub her back & sit with her until she falls asleep.

Of late, she sends me away before she falls asleep - doesn't appear to need my presence to fall asleep AND she's always sleeping within 10 minutes of my leaving her room.

Mind you, this has been a long endeavor & very routine. kt has learned to trust this routine & it helps calm her for the night. She's learning to let me know when she doesn't need it. I expect within a year that she will be heading off to bed on her own & I'll just need to pop in & tuck her into bed.

Having said all that, the first step in the process has been the medications for kt. I can't say if your difficult child needs the same as only you & difficult child's psychiatrist can determine that.

Good luck - this is an exhausting way to live.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Like Linda, routine is really important to getting our difficult children asleep. I am really liberal with the bedtime on weekends though. But, during the week with difficult child, it's upstairs between 8 and 8:30 (depending on shower needs!) and then he crawls into his bed. I lay down with him and we read. He reads first (has to read 15/20 minutes), then I read. We always have a great book (we just finished the the last book in the City of Ember series) to read (always something I will enjoy as well). After reading we turn off the lights and talk about our days. Then it's a kiss and a hug and I'm off and he's stays.

Getting him calm and relaxed by reading and quietly talking has worked wonders for us. He's just about finished 5th grade and we've been doing this since 2nd grade. There are no toys or jumping around allowed. Sometimes it takes an hour a night for this routine, but it relaxes me as well.

One thing I would suggest is not allowing him to mess with the dog after bedtime. You have to be really firm about getting up out of bed - not allowed. At first, it will probably be tough. Keep a big stack of books beside his bed. Allow him to pick out a decorative pillow or blanket that has to be kept in his bed. Make his bed his sanctuary. Fill a shoe box with some quiet things like trading cards, little pad and pencil, etc., to help him make the transition to staying in his room and staying in his bed. At first, if he's just quietly laying in his bed playing, that's half the battle!

Good luch, get some rest.

Sharon

 

[Marguerite]

You need your sleep. Can you let her know in advance that you will be 'out' at a certain time (pretend you have an appointment, because in a way, you do) then during those hours, DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. Have an answering machine on and screen, only answer if it's the school or similar. Choose a time when she's less likely to ring you - does she tend to call at certain times? I had one regular caller who would generally ring just as a TV program was finishing - we'd see the final credits roll, then the phone would ring. It got so husband would answer such calls in the evening, because we knew that any time the phone would ring when any TV show was finishing, chances were it would be her. I knew that if I was unavailable she would simply ring the next person on her list.

I know you don't want to offend your sister by being unavailable simply because you need the rest and her phone calls won't let you, but you have to find a way. I found an answering machine a very freeing thing.

As for the mess - he's got to learn sometime. You can at least leave some of it for him, surely?
difficult child 3 trashed his room looking for a lost magazine. He tossed his bed, stripped it completely, turned the mattress over, looking for his lost magazine. Then when he found it, he asked me to re-make his bed, but I refused. Consequences for being rough in the search, or for even needing to search in the first place. When bedtime came he still hadn't re-made his bed and I STILL refused. I figured he'd either re-make his bed or sleep on a bare mattress with roughly dragged up sheets.
He made his bed. It wasn't a work of art, but he did it.

Marg

 

[neednewtechnique]

With our difficult child, we send her to her room 15 minutes before bedtime so she can go through the routine she has set up for herself...brusing teeth, changing clothes, brushing hair (has to be 100 strokes, or she can't sleep), turning on her music, and getting into bed. Once betime comes around, she must stay in her room and not involve herself in any stimulating activities...TV must be off, Video Games must be off, she IS allowed to read or draw if she can't sleep...but she has to stay in her room, preferably laying down in bed. A big thing that has hepled her is listening to classical music on her CD player. She has also benefitted very much from the use of that natural sleep supplement...Melatonin. She only needs 3mg to help her and since she started taking it, she has had a MUCH easier time getting to sleep. Used to, bedtime was 10, and she would not fall asleep till 12 or 1. Now she has been falling asleep within 30-45 minutes of going up to her room.

Their routine, no matter how silly it may seem...will help them fall asleep when the time comes. Our difficult child has some very unusual activities involved in her bedtime routine...such as checking her closet to make sure that any empty hangers in her closet are put in her "hanger basket" and making sure that all the cards in her card drawer are in their envelopes and faced up...stuff that seems silly is the stuff that works the best for them. When she first moved to our home, she had a corkboard in her bedroom floor with pictures on it, and she had to spend 20 minutes re-arranging pictures before she could fall asleep every night, or she would not be able to sleep well. She finally got past that problem, and actually hung it on the wall, and now only re-arranges it every couple weeks or so...

 

[On_Call]

This was a long, exhaustive issue in our house, too.

difficult child would go to sleep finally about 10 p.m. and then I would awaken during the night - 2 or 3 a.m. and check and he'd be up putting a puzzle together in the middle of his room. He'd look up and say "hi mom" like it was the middle of the afternoon. I was exhausted, as I would then stay up until he was able to go back to sleep.

I have to agree with the others here who have said it was a workable medication that did the trick with us. difficult child is also on seroquel and it is the only thing that helped. He goes to bed and is allowed to read for 30 minutes - and he is allowed to have music on quietly until he goes to sleep. When I go to bed, I turn everything off. There are still nights when I get up and his night light is turned on and I know he has awakened, but gone back to sleep, but he is older now and has more control over the night time urge to get up and do something - and he only wakes up like that a couple of nights a month.

Good luck - hope you find something that works for you soon. You cannot function when you are sleep deprived - we all need our beauty sleep so we can deal with what each day dishes out.