Need Advice ~

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Im a Believer, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    It's been awhile since I've been on this forum.

    Some health issues and a death in the family.

    I have a 22 year old who has been estranged from the family for a year ~ He was living with some friends - in fact the last time I posted was in regards to that whole disfunctional situation.

    He has not worked and has spent the year being unproductive and doing drugs.

    He was asked to leave the place he was living (not sure why) ~ He says he wants help but is still playing the blame game.

    He is staying with my mom right now - not sure what to do - if anything.

    He was abused as a child - I left his dad when he was 12 and that's when his drug abuse started.

    My guilt and being a "mom" are preventing me from seeing things without emotion.

    I will do whatever will be the best for him ~

    Do I let go completely?

    The last time he lived with me - He was caught doing drugs in my house - got violent - threw his younger brother against the wall and attacked my husband.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome back :D

    If you don't think anything has changed with him except his current residence............I'd tend to let him sort it out. That doesn't mean that you couldn't suggest places he could go to seek out treatment. If he doesn't want treatment, then it's extremely doubtful anything has changed. I hope he doesn't get violent with the grandparent.

    I know it's tough. It was hard on me with my friend, can only imagine how much more so it would be with a child. But the bottom line is that unless he wants the help..........nothing will change long term.

    Of course each parent has to do what they can live with too. Is he receptive at all with a treatment program??

    Sorry to hear not much has changed with difficult child.


    Formerly Daisylover
  3. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    Just found out he had an interview today at an awesome 1/2 way house (use to be a mansion) ~

    The people that run the place approved him but when he was interviewed by the other men at the house - he was asked how desperate he was to live there and he said he wasn't - they rejected him - Now he is making fun of the men in the house and calling them douch bags.

    I guess I got my answer ~

    My problem in letting go is due to his abuse - I feel so guilty - I don't want him to feel rejected by me to add to his pain.

    I know - I know - I'm co-dependent!

    How many of you really ever saw change by letting your adult child back in time after time when they really weren't repentent? and then how many of you had kids change when you let go for them to hit bottom?

    Ii am going to a co-dependent meeting tonight ~

    Thanks for listening!