New diagnosis, new here....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tal627, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. tal627

    tal627 New Member

    My 10 year old son has just recently been diagnosed with Aspergers and ODD. Have been trying to get him "help" for over 3 years now. FINALLY a diagnosis....I was relieved at first, but as of yesterday, things changed. I am having a problem with it. Feel so overwhelmed and sad at the same time that things will NEVER get "BETTER", that there is NO fix. EVERYTHING is an argument with him. Brushing teeth, cleaning up after himself, I say black and he says white. I say up and he says down. I am so exhausted every single day. Half the time I try and just keep quiet in hopes to not start an argument with him. I walk on eggshells daily.....

    I am divorced and remarried and get a TON of **** from their dad, saying everything is all my fault, he doesn't act the way he acts for me when he is at his house. Have been thinking lately about throwing in the towel and letting him go and live with his dad, thinking things would be easier for him (my son) if he did. Maybe he would have a happier life ? My heart is just BREAKING even typing this, can't believe this thought is even crossing my mind. His dad has NEVER been involved, doesn't ever go to any of his appointments---he is also epileptic so sees a neuro, has severe allergies and asthma so sees a dr for that, gets allergy shots once a week. His dad has never been involved since day one. Has told me in the past that I am a hypochondriac and the dr's just go by what I tell them. Evidently, he thinks I just make things up that happen at our house.

    Every morning is a nightmare for me. I never know what kind of mood he is going to wake up in OR if he is even going to get up out of bed. He usually literally gets up when it is time to walk out the door. Usually there is yelling, screaming and crying that he doesn't want to get up prior. I get to work and just cry exhausted once I get to work first thing in the morning.

    My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. Before we got married, we both wanted to have a child together. We are a "blended family": He has a 7 year old boy, I have a 10 and 13 year old boy and we now have a baby girl together who is almost 5 months. We almost weren't going to have another child because of my son's "issues" and were hoping he would get better, but finally ended up doing so because I didn't want to think what might have been....we were blessed with such a beautiful baby girl, just like we were blessed with our 3 other children.

    So needless to say, I have sleepless nights now and nightmare days most of the time. My husband is so wonderful and does all that he can.

    I haven't read much of this site yet but definitely plan to in my spare time. Can anyone relate to this? I have felt all alone for years, been his advocate, recently changed therapists because all the one would do is write scripts....

    Thank you for your time. GOD BLESS you all......
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ahhh, honey, many hugs for you and're going through the mill alright, and many of us understand. Is he on any type of medication for the oppositional stuff? As I'm writing this, I'm getting email updates from the Playstation Network that my soon-to-be exhusband ss adding money to his account. I don't have enough money to pay the electric bill. Ex's are often toads that know better than we do. Don't be surprised by that reaction. If you let him move in with your ex, he'll be back in a month, more screwed up and the ex screaming about how you messed him up before you sent him to him. Narcissism is key here with both of them.

    Welcome to the board - there are a lot of experienced ears and many strong shoulders. Do us a favor and set up a signature so we can get to know you. I'm headed to bed and I'll pop on again in the'll have more responses by then. Know that you're not alone...there are many of us in a very similar situation. We understand!

  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Don't give up on him. My 12 year old has the same diagnosis and it IS a struggle at first. I have learned to probe for the whys when we "disagree" on things. It has given me great insights into how he thinks which makes it easier for me to do things differently. Is your son on any medications? It is a learning process for both of you. He can't learn to change unless you learn how he thinks so you can begin to teach. There are several websites that do a good job of explaining Asperger's. I have found OASIS and autismspeaks to be a great help. I would also recommend you read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. I have used a variation of his plan to help me get to the why of difficult child's behavior. He doesn't come right out and tell me what is bothering him and has no idea why he acts the way he does so probing really helps.

    Good Luck and welcome to the "family". There are many wise women here that will give you more advice.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I want to welcome you to the site and give you a cyber hug and cup of tea. My son has many of the same issues as well and a few more. It does get better as TeDo said. As she said, you have to figure out how their minds work because what maifests as oppostion is often fueld by anxiety. I know it isn't easy. Stick around for a while and you're realize you're not a long and there are many wonderful suggestions here as people share their experience, strength and hope.
    Lasted edited by : Apr 1, 2011
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Just because there is no 'cure' does not mean things will not get better. They will! I promise. He may have a struggle throughout life, but he will learn more as he grows about what makes him unique and why some things that are different are a gift. It is hard when they are younger as all they know is they are not the same as everyone else around them.

    You will find different ways to parent him that work best for him. It may be completely different than the way you parent the other kids. It is OK.

    I did send my difficult child to her father's for a year. He eventually saw what I was seeing. It took about 6 months though. Hardest thing I ever did.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. Glad you found us. I'm at work so my post will be short...lucky you. Have you tried changing up the waking process? I hated fighting mornings and by trail and error found that a drink and something to eat next to the bed allowed him to chill and fuel his system. Waking him up a little earlier so he could nibble and doze helped. Also, in our case, he had his medication when still half assleep which made him feel better before he had to rise and shine. See ya later. DDD
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome, and my understanding.