His first 2 years were great, then I met my husband. The first few years of our marriage was not nice, my son did witness DV, but never abused himself. Well maybe some verbal abuse if I were going to be honest about it. These are all things I have always been up front with every therapist, social worker, psychiatrist, etc. His real dad is not really in the picture, nor has he been. I don't know much family hx as he was adopted. On my end we have depression. He actually is great with animals, he just started setting fires, he does intentionally hurt his brother but has never tried to hurt me, he does start fights at school. My husband who has raised him since he was 2 is in the home and that is not a good situation. As I said he wants him gone because he feels he is unsafe around us and our children, so yes I handle him all by myself. No support. I have a 5 year old at home, and ready to deliver another baby anytime. I am fearful, he is so unpredictable. I don't believe he is a bad kid either, he has moments where he melts my heart (few and far between of course). He needs help, I need a break. We have switched psychiatrists 3 or 4 times and all of them have said the same thing. I'm just exhausted.
You adopted him at what age? He HAS had a lot of chaos in his early years and that can lead to reactive attachment disorder, which he has every symptom of. He could be pretending to be nice to your animals. We adopted a child who had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (we didn't know it) and he acted as if he LOVED our pets. Later, he killed two of them, but he had acted so loving toward them that the first time we didn't even consider it may have been him. He also sexually abused our younger two kids and we didn't find out for two years since he scared them into silence with a knife and threats to kill us all. He told my two very young kids that he was the devil and they believed him.
As soon as we found out about the molestation he was gone that day. We called CPS and told them to get him the hello out of here and never saw him again, but CPS was GOOD to us. They did all they could to lavish us with expensive services for the younger two kids and the adopted kid, who I call Psychokid, was charged with molesting a minor child because he was six years older than my daughter. He was found guilty and sent to a jail/facility for young sexual predators. We didn't get into any trouble. If he hurts your younger kids, or if he is sexual around either, I would call CPS, not the cops. The cops are no help at all. After I found out what he had done to the younger kids right under our noses, I spent a few days in a psychiatric ward feeling suicidal. Don't ever let it get to that point.
For whatever reason, we were allowed to dissolve our adoption and we did. I had to think of my two kids who were terrified of him and didn't want them to think we in any way supported him. Period. It turned out for the best. Twelve years later my two "younger" kids are no longer younger and doing really well. I don't know if they would have understood us hanging in there with Psychokid. I'm not telling you to give up your parental rights to your child. We had only had Psychokid for three years and he was already eleven when we adopted him and he was not bonded to us AT ALL. All he cared about us for was when we bought him stuff.
But I understand why your husband wants him out of the house. You really need to be very careful ever allowing this child around your younger two. Attachment disordered kids are very sneaky and do things you wouldn't expect of them because they put on such great acts, especially to the outside world. If bio. mom did drugs or drank while pregnant, there are probably other brain damaged issues with this child as well. I would try to find a way to get him to residential treatment center. Foster care is too risky for the foster family. This child is a threat to anyone around him.
Most psychiatrists and psychologists and therapists, unless they have a ton of adopted children as clients, know very little about attachment disorders and call their disorders everything else. Psychokid didn't get his diagnosis until he was locked up. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is very hard to treat once the child is as far gone as yours is. I'm not a professional either, but this kid sounds classic.
Hugs and you have my support too, whatever you decide to do.
