First off I would like to say I stumbled across this forum, and it is very refreshing to read so many posts from others dealing with similar situations as mine, as lately I have felt completely alone. Please bare with me as I am new, and some of the lingo and abbreviations you all use is completely foreign to me. You will have to also excuse the long rant. A little background. I am the parent of a difficult, putting it lightly, 14 year old son. At the age of 4 he was kicked out of preschool. I was told he was a manipulator, could not follow instructions, consistently disobedient and disruptive. I was very shocked as I had never seen these behaviors in my child at home. When he started Kindergarten I received the same report from teachers. He was a very likable kid, but extremely impulsive, disruptive, and difficult to stay on task. I tried different strategies at home, as I wanted a "diagnosis" to be a last resort. Finally by the beginning of first grade I had no choice but to have him undergo a comprehensive neuropsychologist evaluation. He was diagnosis with ADHD and put on medications. For a good year he was a dream child, but as he grew the need to increase or change medications came, and I feel like I have been chasing my tail ever since. I also began to notice the out of control behaviors at home. We have tried numerous medications, stimulants and non-stimulants. The only thing that he seemed to respond to was stimulant medications. With every change there seemed to be minor improvement, or maybe there really wasn't and it was just wishful thinking. No matter the case, the good never lasted long. Right about the 4th grade, he began getting into serious trouble at school, became aggressive, and had no respect for authority (among other things). I decided to have him placed in an inpatient setting for evaluation. That is when we received the dreaded ODD diagnosis, and not otherwise specified mood disorder. His medications were once again changed, he was placed on a mood stabilizer and antidepressant, as well as the stimulant. There was absolutely no improvement, and he gained a tremendous amount of weight, so I took him off the mood medications. He began counceling and did so for many years, but consistently refused to participate so I gave up on that. In the 5th grade I fought for an IEP for him (which I had been trying to get for years) and he was placed in an Emotionally Disturbed classroom setting, because he could not function in a traditional setting and was failing everything. He hated being in that class and was adamant about being removed, to the point of causing such a disruption last year that they began transitioning him back into traditional classes in hopes that giving him what he wanted would improve his behavior. What a joke! He was repeatedly in trouble with detentions and suspensions. The things he would say to his teachers and classmates disgusted me. He did what he wanted to do period, and had no problem telling them that. Last year his aggression got to the point that he was starting fights in school, teachers were fearful of him, and he began rapid mood cycling. I know bipolar, and that is just not him. I did my own research and found that when kids, especially boys, go thru puberty stims can cause these behaviors. The medications weren't really doing any good anyway, so I took him off everything. His psychiatrist basically told me, there is not a pill in the world that will help him, his behaviors are his choices, and until he chooses to change nothing will change. He lies constantly, has no remorse for anything, blames everyone else for his mistakes, intentionally destroys things at home, you name it he does it. This year his behavior was on a downward spiral and fast! No consequence or punishment fazed him one bit, and I am very consistent and strict with punishments. I began to look for resources within the community that could help, but no one would help me without a court referral. I went to the court system to file unruly charges and was basically told I was wasting my time as they couldn't make a non-compliant child comply with court orders because unruly is a status offense and not a criminal. My thought is shouldn't we be more proactive instead of reactive? None the less, a little over a month ago I found out that he had stolen my credit card and made multiple charges racking up a substantial bill. I pressed charges. He was convicted of felony theft and sentenced to probation, community service, and a 6 month suspended sentence. No more than 2 hours after we left court and I dropped him off at school, his principal called stating they had to call the police and press disorderly conduct charges on him. Last week he made threatening statements to numerous staff at school and the police were called again, charges pressed, and he was expelled. I am currently 9 months pregnant and also have a 5 year old son at home. I had to quit my job (thus losing our health insurance) due to his behavior. He requires 24/7 supervision. I can not trust him alone for anytime. If I walk outside for a few minutes and leave the 2 boys inside my youngest inevitably ends up with a busted lip, black eye, or various other injury. He hoards food in his room (I limit the amount of "sweets" they get), stuffing it in his mattress, air vents, and closet which has ruined everything in his room and created a buggy situation. Yesterday I found cigarette butts in his closet and to top it off, he is now setting fires. Our home is in a constant state of chaos, I don't feel like I ever get a break from his behaviors, it's always something. Little things become big things because you are always dealing with them. With all these new behaviors I am fearful in my house. I'm afraid he will start a fire and kill us, sometimes I am afraid he will hurt us in our sleep, I just don't know what he is capable of anymore. I have an innocent 5 year old here that I have to protect and another on the way. I love my son, but I just don't know how much longer I can do this. My husband (who has raised him since the age of 2) wants him out, and said if I don't have him removed he will leave and take our boys because they are not safe here. I feel like I am being pulled in different directions. He obviously needs some intensive treatment. The legal system just tells me to give probation a chance to work. We go back to court Thursday, but in the meantime what happens if he hurts one of us? No one seems to take any of this seriously. It is hard because I love him, but I hate him at the same time. Yes it is really the behavior that I hate, but for so many years his behavior has defined him that I feel like it's him that I hate, and that is a horrible feeling as a mother. I have a hard time looking at him, I don't want to be affectionate with him anymore. I have so much anger and hurt built up inside because his choices are wrecking my family. I have tried everything: medication, counseling, positive reinforcement, punishment, bargaining, pleading, crying, praying, screaming, fighting.....you name it. Everyone I come in contact with says they are at a loss because they have never seen a kid like him before. I feel alone and helpless. I am saddened for my son. I feel like if he doesn't get some sort of help soon I will either be visiting him behind bars or his grave. I want better for him, I want him to want better for himself. I said I would never give up on him until I can lay my head on my pillow at night and know I have done everything I can do for him. I honestly don't know what else to do. Sometimes I think if I can't help him, maybe he needs to be placed somewhere where maybe someone else can. I need a break as well. I am scared to death as to what life is going to be like when I bring a new baby home. Everything just seems so overwhelming. Anyway, thanks for "listening". If any of you have any thoughts or ideas, I'd welcome them. Hope you all had a great holiday!