New here, and just begining to learn

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by thatboysmamma, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. thatboysmamma

    thatboysmamma New Member

    I have a 7 year old son just diagnosed yesterday with ODD actually much to my relief as we have been to countless therapists and doctors all of them telling me its my parenting or my divorce. My parenting may be an issue but I need tools as I have tried every method of discipline to try and alter behavior. A self centered child who will admit candidly to his bad behavior and blame someone else. He is an angry child and if not given his way you will pay for it for the rest of the day and shows no remorse for his actions. I was told when he was two that is was the terrible twos then at four it was the terrible fours meanwhile the behavior never subsided and now he is seven. I am known as "that boys mom" which cuts me to the core. Now to get much needed advice on helping him to get better and me to learn more about this and how to help him get better. Any suggestions, websites would be great.
  2. keista

    keista New Member


    First, who diagnosed the ODD? How many evaluations were done to get to this diagnosis? See, many of us here don't feel that ODD is a valid, functional diagnosis. It mostly describes a set of behaviors and almost always there is another reason - another diagnosis - that causes the ODD.
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2012
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I'm not sure about websites but I would like to advise you to read 2 books. The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and also What Your Explosive Child Is Trying To Tell You by Dr. Doug Riley. Those will help you a LOT and help him also.

    Welcome to our little corner of the world.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I do understand it being nice to have someone put a name to what you are working with. That part may mean you can obtain some services (insurance needs a diagnosis to justify paying for things). As Keista said however, it really is simply a name that says he displays certain behaviors and characteristics. Many kids could fall under that "diagnosis" including kids with bipolar disorder, mood disorders, learning disabilities, autism, developmental delays...etc.... Until you know that there is no other umbrella diagnosis or what conditions are adding up to make him not be able to do really is hard to get true help.

    It seems you already have found the truth, traditional behavioral methods without appropriate therapies and out of the box thinking really are not effective. The blame then falls on parents often times (and as you say, we can all use help but really....unless you are sleeping thru this, sounds like you have done enough things that he would likely not struggle this much if he COULD do better.)

    So that is the bad and the GOOD news because there is really more help out there.

    First, an easy thing you can do to start to get some immediate help is to read books like The Explosive Child and Lost in School by Ross Greene, and What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You by Doug Riley (sp?.someday I will remember how to spell his name reily? riely, riley?? )

    These books will help you to see why what you have tried is probably not working and will give very real ideas to help.

    Next it sounds like, if you have not yet done this, a more complete evaluation would be helpful. IF this has gone on since he was a toddler it is likely he is wired differently. Something is going on inside of him that can't process the world around him as typical kids can. He may seem selfish and defiant but it is likely he can't take another person's perspective without being taught that skill. It is just how it is for some, and even then for many it just doesn't happen to a normal degree. Then as people are frustrated with them their identity becomes negative about it becomes a vicious cycle.

    Sounds like his intellectual ability is good. He may have specific strengths and weaknesses in learning style or many other issues.

    A plan you might consider is to have a complete Occupational Therapist (OT) (occupational therapy) evaluation to check for subtle fine motor and for sensory integration challenges. (does he ever seek or avoid tastes, smells, sounds, sights, textures, including limiting food types or covering his ears etc...) Also a complete Speech/Language Pathology evaluation to see about his ability to process sounds/language. IF they suspect an issue they may recommend an auditory processing evaluation (not a hearing test, it shows how they are actually processing the sounds that they hear like whether they can hear the important sounds-i.e. a teachers voice/directions--when other sounds are around him.

    Bring those results then to a complete evaluation with a neuropsychologist. a neuropsychologist evaluation is done by a specialized psychologist who has additional training in neurology and can help figure out how behavior is connected to the way our brains work. They can give a more complete diagnosis comparing whether there is a mood disorder or a developmental disorder etc. They can help you understand how his brain interprets the world. This then can help you find specific interventions or whether or not you might need a consult for medication etc.

    Psychologists and psychiatrists who work in general practices tend to focus on psychiatric diagnoses. Ed. psychs tend to look more for learning issues, etc... you get the idea. It is nice to go to a place where they have a broader view.

    I am sorry for his and your challenges. You will see that this is a group full of people who have lived through the feeling that we could be doing better, then the feeling that we are doing well but the therapy community at large does not really get kids who are wired differently.

    Hang in there, it is a long process but well worth the effort when you find more specific answers.

    WELCOME again! Dee
  5. thatboysmamma

    thatboysmamma New Member

    All of this is new to me, of course I thought I just had a very active child and everyone blamed me for the way he acted so of course I then tried different things to see if it helped and to no avail, he will throw away and break his own toys and tell me its my fault that I made him do it because he got in trouble. I had originally thought Bipolar as it does run on my fathers side. And I have read in my recent searches that most often there is an underlying issue to ODD. He was seen yesterday by a clinical psychologist which was much better than anyone I have taken him to. I was not even aware until my mother told me that there are different levels and people acting like a psychologist just may be a social worker and sure enough with enough digging I found out that the person I had taken him to for a year was a social worker. No wonder I didn't feel like we had been getting anywhere. I am having a hard time even finding someone who specializes with kids. I will be getting the books that have been suggested and I look forward to learning all I can