Well, to make a really long story sort of short, a year ago today difficult child was released from her first psychiatric hospital stay for brandishing a knife at herself and her stepdad, and threatening to kill herself because the dogs interrupted her youtube viewing. Things seem to have only gotten worse. She may not be swinging knives, but we are in a fairly constant state of crisis. She's had 7 psychiatric hospital stays since last april, 8 if the partial hospitalization is included. In January, she was charged with assaulting me during a rage in which she tried to get past me to get into my room after easy child, and it ended in easy child and I barricaded in my room waiting for the police. Her court date was earlier this month, and the judge handed her a 2nd chance in a continuance, but she had to keep her nose clean, actually try in therapy, and have absolutely no police calls. Her guy with the county made it crystal clear that she needed to be careful, to take this seriously, that she could end up in a lot of situations she doesn't want to be, but apparently difficult child just doesn't care, there is a good chunk of her behavior that she can control so she doesn't end up in a rage, but she chooses not to, and openly admits to it, and despite being told what the consequences of continuing things are, she just won't stop. I'm at a loss. She was tested by a neurospych in July of last yr, and of all the diagnosis he put forth, psychiatrist settled on bipolar with psychotic features, ODD, and he is still trying to figure out if she is on the AS, as she fits a lot of the criteria, and if she is truly ADHD or if its a manifestation of the suspected Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). We've faithfully taken her to therapy, we're working to get her an IEP, we switched from our private therapy provider to the county hoping to get her more services, and we are switching to the county psychiatrist in may as well. We have done everything we can think of to help her, but it stays the same, or shades of the same thing. She is truly terrifying. husband works a lot of hours, and it leaves easy child and I with difficult child a lot more than I'd like. She is still cruel, defiant, and will rage with him, but is less likely to than she is with easy child and I. easy child doesn't look forward to weekends anymore, or holidays. I don't either. easy child told me about a neck lump yesterday, said she didn't know how long she'd had it but it had been more than 3 weeks, and when we were at the doctor's today, she told the doctor she'd had it for a yr. When asked why she hadn't told me before, she said because we were so stressed dealing with difficult child that she didn't want to ask for anything, and with difficult child's jealousy towards her, she's uncomfortable doing anything to take care of herself, or ask for something for fear that difficult child will come after her. I have nightmares about difficult child. My anxiety medication isn't cutting it anymore. What do you do when you feel you've done what you can, but are still dangling off the edge? Am I missing something? We've tried different methods, including the explosive child. I feel stuck. We can't afford a Residential Treatment Center (RTC), insurance won't cover anything other than emergency psychiatric hospital stays. But I don't feel that easy child is safe with difficult child in the house. I don't feel safe with difficult child in the house. Sorry this is so long!