Hi, not sure where to start and probably the full history is not necessary.
I have 3 boys. Oldest is ADHD/BiPolar/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. I spent many a year on forums, boards, with therapists, specialists, etc. It took from age 7 to age 11 to stabilize him on medication (I am so glad that's over). He's been, for the most part stable since then and he's 13 now.
Middle son has had it all and none of it good. Bright child, IQ above 140, not sure how high above. Watched as a "younger" sibling of an older brother who was, for the most part - completely erratic in behaviors. Add to that a strong family history in the men of mental illness, a dash of growing up in the midst of his parents marraige falling apart (it did not survive the stress), and some emotional abuse and an explosion happened sometime about age 6. It's only gotten worse. He's the reason I'm here.
Youngest son is "Mr. Happy Go Lucky" sweetie pie but he's not untouched. Recently diagnosed with mood disorder as well, only unmedicated he falls into this constant state of manic. It's kinda cute sometimes - but it'll drive you up a wall if you need him to focus LOL. We're currently playing the medication balance game, still needs tweaking.
Having been a single mom now for 3 years, I'm beyond worn out. I have zero interest in finding someone else - good Lord I'd be insane. Even with the temptation of not going it alone, no way - these boys take up 125% of my time since I'm the working parent (lets just not go down the road of dad's condition ... he's untreated right now).
I don't come from a family with various mental illnesses and mixed bag diagnosis. We were far from perfect, and a blended family even - but no real bizarre issues. So I feel fairly ill equipped. And, I'm a female trying to be the firm, consistent parent for a bunch of males, two of which are homone bound (13 and 11).
So I'm here. We've had a variety of diagnosis's thrown around for the midlan child, but the psychiatrist firmly stated "for sure ODD - possibly early conduct disorder". I guess that's because at age 11 we're already on hospitalization #3. Maybe that's a low number? I thought it would be the bipolar kiddo hospitalized, imagine my surprise.
"J" is currently living under a law of "work before play" (simplified parenting routine from hospital) and it works, when he decides to care. So here's my first heavily laden question:
Does any of this really work? So far no medications have come even close to helping. Dad and I are on mostly the same parenting page with the hospital's routine (separate households), we've got a ton of family support, the kid sees a therapist regularly, the family sees the same one because we've learned that if we DON'T have the same one, this little brainiac snows them so badly, I almost feel like I need to hand them their degree and apologize that an 11 year old just beat them at their game. Our current one has his number thank GOD.
I've already started talking to him straight up more than ever now. I've been telling him that if he can't pull it together, when he turns 12 I've already done research on homes. I've explained that it's not fair to me or his brothers what we live with constantly. I'm worried that his brothers will wake up one day at the age of 20 and realize their brother OWNED the family lock stock and barrel.
Maybe that's not a good thing to do - but he has got to realize I won't live this way forever, AND he absolutely cannot tolerate transitions - so I won't surprise him on something this serious.
I'm not here begging for a glimpse of hope (kinda sad isn't it?) - I'm here for a dose of reality. I can say for certain I have done everything in my power to help this bright, creative, talented and funny kid reach his potential. In the past 6 months, it's clear he just does not care. And I can't change that, he has to.
He's into skateboarding, he's artistic, he loves music, he's TOTALLY sweet to his guinea pigs (I worried incessently about getting them) and he can be the most loving kid. It's just so sad when I have to try and figure out when it's real or a put on. I hate that.
The two other kids are equally awesome kids. They don't have the same ODD issues. All 3 have ADHD. Same genetics for all 3.
So what does one of these homes cost? Does anyone know? I've got a year to bust a move on my career and try to break into the next level so I can afford something like that. Wish I could be at home with these boys - but dad doesn't want to work so he's on unemployment (the neverending extended version, lives in low income housing and even though I have the kids 75% of the time, he wants me to pay him child support now). I was a stay at home mom until a year before the separation/divorce. I miss it terribly.
Blech. Too long - sorry about that. If you made it this far - I think your coffee's cold. Is humor OK here? Like can I use my sick twisted humor on here to deal with the stress and not have it taken personally? I won't say anything about others - I just tend to use sarcasm to deal with the insanity.
I mean, when you have to lock the knives from the 11 year old, but the 6 year old can be left in a room of them.... yeah, it's time for sarcasm. =)
I have 3 boys. Oldest is ADHD/BiPolar/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. I spent many a year on forums, boards, with therapists, specialists, etc. It took from age 7 to age 11 to stabilize him on medication (I am so glad that's over). He's been, for the most part stable since then and he's 13 now.
Middle son has had it all and none of it good. Bright child, IQ above 140, not sure how high above. Watched as a "younger" sibling of an older brother who was, for the most part - completely erratic in behaviors. Add to that a strong family history in the men of mental illness, a dash of growing up in the midst of his parents marraige falling apart (it did not survive the stress), and some emotional abuse and an explosion happened sometime about age 6. It's only gotten worse. He's the reason I'm here.
Youngest son is "Mr. Happy Go Lucky" sweetie pie but he's not untouched. Recently diagnosed with mood disorder as well, only unmedicated he falls into this constant state of manic. It's kinda cute sometimes - but it'll drive you up a wall if you need him to focus LOL. We're currently playing the medication balance game, still needs tweaking.
Having been a single mom now for 3 years, I'm beyond worn out. I have zero interest in finding someone else - good Lord I'd be insane. Even with the temptation of not going it alone, no way - these boys take up 125% of my time since I'm the working parent (lets just not go down the road of dad's condition ... he's untreated right now).
I don't come from a family with various mental illnesses and mixed bag diagnosis. We were far from perfect, and a blended family even - but no real bizarre issues. So I feel fairly ill equipped. And, I'm a female trying to be the firm, consistent parent for a bunch of males, two of which are homone bound (13 and 11).
So I'm here. We've had a variety of diagnosis's thrown around for the midlan child, but the psychiatrist firmly stated "for sure ODD - possibly early conduct disorder". I guess that's because at age 11 we're already on hospitalization #3. Maybe that's a low number? I thought it would be the bipolar kiddo hospitalized, imagine my surprise.
"J" is currently living under a law of "work before play" (simplified parenting routine from hospital) and it works, when he decides to care. So here's my first heavily laden question:
Does any of this really work? So far no medications have come even close to helping. Dad and I are on mostly the same parenting page with the hospital's routine (separate households), we've got a ton of family support, the kid sees a therapist regularly, the family sees the same one because we've learned that if we DON'T have the same one, this little brainiac snows them so badly, I almost feel like I need to hand them their degree and apologize that an 11 year old just beat them at their game. Our current one has his number thank GOD.
I've already started talking to him straight up more than ever now. I've been telling him that if he can't pull it together, when he turns 12 I've already done research on homes. I've explained that it's not fair to me or his brothers what we live with constantly. I'm worried that his brothers will wake up one day at the age of 20 and realize their brother OWNED the family lock stock and barrel.
Maybe that's not a good thing to do - but he has got to realize I won't live this way forever, AND he absolutely cannot tolerate transitions - so I won't surprise him on something this serious.
I'm not here begging for a glimpse of hope (kinda sad isn't it?) - I'm here for a dose of reality. I can say for certain I have done everything in my power to help this bright, creative, talented and funny kid reach his potential. In the past 6 months, it's clear he just does not care. And I can't change that, he has to.
He's into skateboarding, he's artistic, he loves music, he's TOTALLY sweet to his guinea pigs (I worried incessently about getting them) and he can be the most loving kid. It's just so sad when I have to try and figure out when it's real or a put on. I hate that.
The two other kids are equally awesome kids. They don't have the same ODD issues. All 3 have ADHD. Same genetics for all 3.
So what does one of these homes cost? Does anyone know? I've got a year to bust a move on my career and try to break into the next level so I can afford something like that. Wish I could be at home with these boys - but dad doesn't want to work so he's on unemployment (the neverending extended version, lives in low income housing and even though I have the kids 75% of the time, he wants me to pay him child support now). I was a stay at home mom until a year before the separation/divorce. I miss it terribly.
Blech. Too long - sorry about that. If you made it this far - I think your coffee's cold. Is humor OK here? Like can I use my sick twisted humor on here to deal with the stress and not have it taken personally? I won't say anything about others - I just tend to use sarcasm to deal with the insanity.
I mean, when you have to lock the knives from the 11 year old, but the 6 year old can be left in a room of them.... yeah, it's time for sarcasm. =)