New Here not New to Struggles

[SheilaC]

I am thankful like each of you were, to find this site. We have exhausted all our means of dealing with our difficult child children. We need some fresh ideas and approaches. This site looks very encouraging and helpful. I have already ordered the Expolsive Child book. Our daughter, age 4, when she isn't being just absolute adorable can be very explosive. Yelling, screaming kicking, hitting -- none of the traditional methods of discipline and redirect seem to work. We have tried time out, loss of priviledges, natural consequences, spankings nothing seems to work. Her tantrums/melt downs just continually escaluate as she demands her way. She is truly a Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde.

Any suggestions or ideas on how to manage this melt downs.

 

[tiredmommy]

Welcome Sheila. You are not alone anymore. Are there any mental illnesses or developmental disabilities in the family tree? Most disorders are herediatary. Also, have you picked up on any triggers that set her off? You may want to start keeping a daily behavior log.

 

[Ltlredhen]

Welcome Sheila,

Glad you found us. Hope we can offer up some words to help with your struggles. Has your daughter had any sort of evaluation? Does there seem to be any kind of triggers that set her off? Below you will find a link to follow in order to do a signature profile like mine. It will help us not to ask you the same questions over and over again.

Things might be a little slow around here due to the holiday but hang in there, others will be along.

Donna

 

[transformtriumph]

Welcome!
Fortunately there are always new tricks to learn in dealing with our kids. It seems that prevention (nipping things in the bud) and rewards work the best with my boys. It can be hard at first, to develop a comprehensive plan to manage your child but it is certainly worth it. Each child is different and needs a different set of supports.

 

[SheilaC]

Misty is adopted. We have limited info about her family tree; however, we did interact with her mother some and I am confinced she was a severe ADHD and probably some other issues. Her mother also had an eating disorder and her family had violent tendences. Misty came to us when she was just six weeks. Currently she is on Focalin XR 40 mg in the morning, Focalin 20 mg in the afternoon; depakote 125 mg; trazadone at bedtime'guanfacine half twice a day. And still she stays up all night one night about every other week or so. The only trigger I can tell is when she doesn't get her way though this is more prevalent when she is tired. She has no impulse control what so ever either. She chews her nails and nail beds terribly and tears any piece of paper she can get hold of. We have tried Concerta and Straterra to no avail. A behavior log is a good idea. Any suggests on how to keep it? What information I need to note?

Just reading the other notes is helpful as well as we got a real kick out of the you might have a difficult child if....

 

[Ltlredhen]

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And still she stays up all night one night about every other week or so.

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I had to laugh, for some strange reason that I've not been able to figure out my difficult child does almost the same thing. For the majority of time, my difficult child goes to bed at the same time and gets up about the same. But every few weeks he will go to sleep and then after a few hours wake up. Then he is UP for the rest of the night. He usually goes back to sleep for an hour or around 5:00 AM and back up about 7:00 AM. Over the last year, this has been a regular occurrance, really strange.

As far as the charting, what I found worked best was to just get a large spiral notebook. I take a page for each day and make simple notes throughout the day such as...got up at _____ time. Ate ____ at time. If there was an exceptionally bad time during the day I would make a few notes as to what was going on at the time, who was around, any triggers that I could possibly see. You will find after keeping track after a few weeks there may be patterns that set things in motion. Others have used charts but to me for a young child they are much to time consuming. I barely had time to jot down a few words. Maybe you could go back at night and fill in some of the details if you liked.

Just for what it is worth, if the child could possibly be bipolar not ADHD the stimulants are only going to make things worse. I see she is on Depakote, (I'm certainly no expert but was under the impression this was a mood stabilizer). I've heard you should add a stimulant for ADHD only after her mood has reached stabilization.

Have you had the opportunity to read "The Bipolar Child" by Dr. Papolos and Dr. Papolos? If nothing else you could rule some of those symptoms out if they don't fit.

Donna

 

[SheilaC]

Thanks Donna - at least with teh journal I will feel like I trying to do something to help. The more I read of this site the more I am beginning to feel like she is Bipolar. The Depakote was added after the stimulants. We had just been working with our General MD but now we are working with a Pediatric Psychiatrist. We have been working with him just two months. We don't go back until the end of the month but I don't know if we can wait that long.

I got so frustrated and disappointed with myself. I am losing my patience. I am a trained parent, I have special skills and knowledge. I say that not to be bragging but to try to express how much we have tried and how far we have gone. Something all of you on this site seem to understand. I think about it and I am moved to tears. It breaks my heart. I wonder if there is hope for her. She is such a beautiful and wonderful little girl. We feel a little like failures right now and wonderful if we did her and the other children an injustice by adopting them instead of letting someone us who could have done better take them. Don't misunderstand me I don't regret adopting them. I absolutely and totally adore them but I want what is best for each of them. We want them to reach their best potential. We don't want to add to their struggles, problems. We are not PP (I think that is right Perfect Parents) but we are differently war worn Warrior Parents.

Thanks for giving me a safe place to share. My family doesn't understand. And as a pastor not every place is a good place to share.

 

[Ltlredhen]

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I am a trained parent, I have special skills and knowledge. I say that not to be bragging but to try to express how much we have tried and how far we have gone.

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Totally understand. I've helped raise many kids, two of my own, worked as a mother's helper, worked in daycare so I know what it's supposed to be like. NOTHING I've done in the past has prepared me for this difficult child I'm raising now.

There are many adoptive parents here on the board, things are slow right now due to the holidays but they will be along. I can't shed any light on that end for you but will say if someone else adopted them and did not have your background to see that something was definately wrong, the child might not be getting any help.

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My family doesn't understand. And as a pastor not every place is a good place to share.

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We all can certainly relate to that! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/10-311.gif

Donna

 

[Sheila]

Co-existing conditions unfortunately is the norm rather than the exception. So I am a big fan of multidisciplinary evaluations. If you haven't found MDE info, it's on the FAQ/Board help forum. You'll find it with-the Parent Report info -- another wonderful tool for parents.

"She chews her nails and nail beds terribly and tears any piece of paper she can get hold of."

My son's anxiety symptoms that can be "seen" include biting nails and cuticles (to the point of infection sometimes). Just so you know, anxiety can also be a side affect of some medications.

Behavior logs/journals are good tools. Use columns for date, time, behavior in a spiral notebook or 3 ring binder. I used a calendar I had designed in MS Word. (It helped me pickup on patterns of behavior related to his anxiety.)

"My family doesn't understand."

Another problem many of us deal with on a regular basis. When difficult child was so out-of-it, it was too much to deal with-on top of everything else. A motto developed: Lead, follow or shut up. It worked for me. lol

Welcome aboard.

 

[SheilaC]

I don't know what I am doing wrong I thought I had responded to this but I don't find it on the thread anyway.

Boy it is nice to know someone understands what its like. Unfortunately our difficult child doesn't go back to sleep. This week she has woke up four nights. Tonight I put her back on Clondine. Trazadone just wasn't working.

As for the medications we had just been going to our Pediatrician until two months ago. We started seeing a Pediatric Psychiatrist. He is trying different combinations but so far we aren't seeing any great results. He is the first to suggest that she might be Bipolar. I am beginning to believe she might be. The journal is a helpful idea at least I will feel like I am doing something. It has been so frustrating. We are trained parents we should be able to handle this but nothing that we know has worked. She doesn't respond during a meltdown to any thing. We feel like failure a little.

We want so much for her. For her to be able to have enough control to be able to enjoy life and be able to achieve her best. Help us. Help us help her.