New Here - Tell me it gets better!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ShanDiann, Sep 18, 2010.

  1. ShanDiann

    ShanDiann Guest

    I would like to introduce myself. I am a 31 year old wife, teacher, and mother of 2. I love my family with everything I am. difficult child is currently in 2nd grade. He was diagnosed with severe ADHD back in kindergarten. He is currently taking 10mg of Focalin XR. Kindergarten was a nightmare. He would fly into rages, and have to be physically held down until he regained his composure. First grade was wonderful - not 1 incident. We are now 4 weeks into 2nd grade and he has been suspended from school for the first time. He apparently got so frustrated over a math problem that he totally lost control and began screaming at the teacher. When she tried putting him into silent lunch he walked out of the cafeteria and stomped on the assistant principal's foot resulting in his suspension.
    I have a meeting with the teacher and assistant principal on Monday. How do I get them to understand that he is still learning the appropriate way to deal with frustration. That he is not a "bad" child. doctor suggested he may need a 504 plan and BIP. ANy suggestions for surviving the school year?
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the crowd - it's a great group of people here - with strong shoulders and sympathetic ears!

    Regarding the school stuff - a 504 could do the trick, but you might want to look at an IEP instead. Severe adhd with rages can signify other issues (some of us consider these to be more like symptoms rather than disorders). Who diagnosis'd him with adhd? A neuropsychologist might be a good idea. It's a bunch of tests that determine what his issues are. There could be some underlying learning disabilities that are just rearing their ugly heads now as the work becomes more complex. NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) could be something to look into as well as a host of others. You'd be able to talk to a neuropsychologist about ALL of his developmental milestones and see how things might be "clicking" together.

    Gotta go, another meltdown is erupting!

    Again, Welcome!

  3. Cazzy

    Cazzy Guest

    Hi. I'm new here myself so I can't offer any advice of any substance. But I did want to welcome you regardless....
  4. Gillis

    Gillis Guest


    I am extremely new here as well (yesterday). BUT I have had a lot of experience with the public school system here in Saskatchewan, which may be different than where you are.

    My school system got EA's assigned to the general classroom, but to get one attached to my child I had to have an official diagnosis, or a Violent Incident Report (my daughter was suspended for a day for biting the principal and got an EA for the rest of the year - she doesn't have a diagnosis).

    See what special classrooms there are in the system. My son (ADD,BiPolar (BP),ODD) was in CIAC (Children's Inter-Agency Classroom) for 2 years (GR.1&2), and CTC (Children's Theraputic Classroom) for part of 1 (GR.5) and Structured 4 Success (GR.5)

    I found out that not a lot of people know about these options in my school system, even friends who are teachers.

    The right EA can make a big difference! Good luck!
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    welcome alot of great people here to help!!

    i agree with-nvts 504 or iep is way to go. this way accommodations can be put in place, maybe they even look for triggers before he loses it in classroom than have a plan on how to handle it and him. suspending him that young does ZERO. as i'm sure you already know being a teacher yourself.

    sounds like getting used to the grade itself is hard for him, and maybe after a few mos. an iep or 504 in place and supports in the school he'll balance out again. they should provide weekly therapy in school also, or a place he can go when he gets frustrated to avoid melting down. yet he is young to be able to see his own meltdowns coming before they hit.

    that's what i would do for now to get them on the same page, and handling him appropriately and avoiding another suspension. neuropysch exam's are good as well if you are able to do it via your insurance.

    good luck welcome again
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think an IEP is more in order. His behaviors are severe. I agree with getting a neuropsychologist evaluation (privately). I'd bet every nickle I have that this is more than severe ADHD. Could be a mood disorder or part of the autism spectrum, but it's over-the-top for ADHD and the medications could be making him even worse if he is misdiagnosed. I suggest out of school private testing. This is not a child who will respond to behavior modification. Almost none of our kids do. It's important to find out the core of what is really wrong...and treat it. Are there any psychiatric problems on his family tree (genetic) on either side? Any substance abuse? How was his early development? Can he maintain eye contact with strangers and have a give-and-take conversations? Does he know how to socialize with his same age peers? Any quirky habits/behaviors?

    Welcome to the board...but, on the other hand, sorry you have to be here.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi ShanDianne, welcome

    Definitely, he needs some interventions. Pronto. Call a mtng with-the Special Education dept.
    One good thing, is that when you described the meltdown over the math problem, it was so clear that he was frustrated with-the math problem. Period. It wasn't like he raged for no good reason. Clues like this are very helpful.
    You'll be dragging your difficult child to a lot of dr appts and getting a lot more evaluations, but it will be worth it. You had 1 yr of grace (1st gr) so you know that the medications worked for a short time, and whatever was going on in 1st gr didn't trigger the rages he is having now. Ea yr is different--different concepts, diff teachers, diff classroom, diff classmates. Anything that is a change is something that "regular" people have do deal with-in their own way; but to a difficult child, it is magnified 10-fold.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome, ShanDianne.
  9. ShanDiann

    ShanDiann Guest

    Thanks for all the responses. I guess I am just having a difficult time processing it all. We have been seeing a family counselor and our reg family practitioner has been treating the ADHD. We have an appointment Thurs and I am going to ask for a referral to the behavior specialist at the university.
    There is no mental health issues that I am aware of on either side of the family. I am really nervous about the school meeting tomorrow. You would think since I am in education myself I wouldn't be. I guess I feel like the teacher could have done more to prevent the total meltdown that occurred. Then again, I am having a hard time thinking about it rationally right now. I know that I want some sort of plan in place for when he gets to the frustration point, and is about to lose it.
    Thanks again for the support, it helps to know I am not alone.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome, glad you found us but sorry you needed to. I agree an iep may be needed. As a teacher who also has a son with an iep I can understand your being nervous. I've been in many school meetings over the year for my difficult child that have had me nervous. Remember you are there to advocate for your son and to get him the accommodations he needs. A BIP is a good idea because it will help his teachers know how to work with him when he becomes so frustrated and hopefully that should help a lot!
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome. We had similar interesting problems with difficult child 1. He did well in K, but Year 1 was a disaster within days. We worked out that the K teacher (who other parents considered incompetent) just managed to do things exactly right for difficult child 1. But the Year 1 teacher was strict, nervy, a shouter.

    difficult child 1 was also described as severe ADHD. In his case, ADHD medications were a godsend but not a total fix. And it turned out to be more than ADHD. It's Asperger's in him. So he still takes ADHD medications, plus Zoloft for his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) stuff (goes hand in hand with Asperger's for him) and is doing well. Now. It was at times a rough ride and when look back I realise how much we failed him. But he is now married, working, in an apprenticeship. He and his wife are happy although poor as church mice. Do a lot of volunteer work at church, both of them.

    So there can be good outcomes later on. I never thought difficult child 1 would ever be able to live independently of us. He's amazing.