Hi all. I hope that I am posting in the proper area. I am new to this site, and could use all of the support I can get. The rundown is probably very similar to everyone else, my son (8) has ODD (undiagnosed, but fits the criteria noted in "The Defiant Child"). My late wife passed 1/11/06, she did very little to curb this behavior when he was a child. He was 5 when she passed. He was quite indulged, against my wishes, and given the opportunity to make adult decisions for his life at an early age. As I was grieving, I did do some of this too, but the maternal grandparents took the ball and ran with it. Needless to say there are issues there. I will get into that with further posts I'm sure. Since my late wife passed my son has been continuing to be defiant, controlling, manipulative, and overall a pain in the a**. I am remarried to a wonderful, and very patient, woman. She has a son about the same age as mine. We had a daughter together last year. So it is a family of five. What we are seeing the most of is defiance. When we are not around, he does the VERY things we don't want him to do. Even the simplest of directions prompt questions from him. As a former Army interrogator (waterboarding *****!!) I recognized that the questions were a means of controlling the directions and steering the discussion to other areas. I have stopped explaining things, I simply give him a thorough set of directions and let him go at it. Anyway, the defiance extends to anything. There are no boundaries with him. From taking 45 min. showers, to talking when told not to. He is as good as gold when outside the home, but inside the home he is unruly and sneaky. He is not violent, we have not seen him go into tantrums, but he will get in these "moods" every so often where he does everything he can to defy us. I suspect some of this influenced by the previously mentioned grandparents. They saw nothing wrong with how my son was raised, and as far as they are concerned he is an angel. Of course he is with them, they are the Chuck E. Cheese of Grandparents "where a kid can be a kid" and do anything they want. There are no limits with them. In spite of my objections they would cater to his every whim, without regard as to how this might affect his home life. I finally had to tell them to stop buying him presents, because of the effects it had at home. Anyway, that is a brief idea of what is going on. I could elaborate, but I won't. We are currently in a punishing phase with my son. Right now he has no toys or books in his room. He is not allowed to watch TV or play video games with his step-brother. We have talked to him until we are blue in the face, but it doesn't seem to have any lasting effect on his behavior. He sees himself as on-par with adults, and is capable of making the same decisions that we do. I have emphasized lately (after reading the defiant child) that WE are the parents and HE is the child. We get to make the life decisions, and he must do what he is told. We will evetually get to teaching him to make the right decisions, but for now we are trying to get this point across. It has been difficult. I guess my question at this point is: "Does anyone have any other suggestions?" We are getting worn down fighting this single handed. Please help and/or respond. If for no other reason but to let me know that my wife and I are not alone in this fight.