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Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mollyzuzu, May 25, 2017.

  1. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Hi all , I am new here. Found this sight a few months ago and have been reading the posts. I have a 15.5 year old son adopted from Ukraine that has multiple diagnosis. Bipolar, substance abuse, odd,Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) with cognitive impairment and learning handicap and assoc behavior disorder. He has been in counseling since age 6, we adopted him at 3.5 years old. Things have progressed from ADHD to the diagnosis we have today.

    Because he was on a binge of doing Benadry last fall, he wound up in the hospital with an Od twice. After the second OD, he went to a drug and aclohol rehab 3 hours away, only to do damage and runaway from there. He also ran away from school and home multiple times. We signed a petition to get him into the State Mental hospital and he was there from Feb until last Sunday. It has been such a long haul for all of us. As you all know this is.

    Guess I am looking for a shoulder or shoulders to hold me up. It was sooo very pleasant while he was gone and I feel quite guilty about being so happy. Now that he is back home, there is that gray cloud hanging, when is he going to go over the edge again. Just yestrday school called to let me know he ran away agian but this time they caught him, phew. He was only back to school two days . I know there will be set backs, I am just wondering how major they will be.

    He has court orders for one year to stay sober and straight and needs to follow rules. This kid has a hard time not getting into anything one week let alone one year. He is a very sweet kid, wants to do well, but his brain gets int the way of things and then he does stuff he regrets later. He is not violent. But he DOES NOT wnat to abide by rules of any kind. Which I think scares me the most. Without rules, one cannot operate. Well you can, but kind of sketchy I think.

    I am really nervous and scared for his and our family's future. I cannot for the life of me find programs Occupational Therapist (OT) get him into. The social workers seem to be a joke, as they cannot recommend anything as well. He is not interested in anything so, it is up to me, his mom, to "entertain" him day and night just to try and keep him out of mischief. Dad is busy with work and comes home late. Good dad and provider. I just kind of feel pressure to constantly entertain and son, looks bored and only lasts for about 15-30 minutes a task. This may be a lonnng summer.

    Thanks for llistenting to my ramble.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am also an adoptive mom and wonder if attachment disorder was ever brought up. Because he has no self regulation at 16 i also wonder if birthmother drank and perhaps caused cogntive damage to him. I have one child who had crack in his system and is very fortunate to only have a form of autism and at 23 is able to follow rules and work and live on his own. He dodged many bullets but not all kids do.

    Fetal alcohol effects is brain damage and the people who have it often cant follow rules, understand social norms or even remember rules day to day. Only a specialist could check for fetal alcohol effects, which is fetal alcohol syndrome without the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) facial dysmorphia.

    I feel it helps if we understand and adjust our expectations and then can accept our children who may be damaged from the womb.

    I would take him for a neurology and neuro psychological deep evaluation. It is easy to misdiagnose attachment issues and neurological damage from drugs and alcohol because even psychiatrists dont look for it. It is not the norm. Many dont know tjat much about these common adoption issues.

    From my research I know that many Eastern European orphans are damaged by in utero alcohol. It is worth checking out so that you can do the max and also see if your child maybe can not help his behavior. Then you can seek outside help. We did all this when we adopted our son. It still took time to see his potential vs. What he couldnt be expected to do. His diagnoses were many and wrong until we saw his first neuro psychologist.

    I wish you tons of luck.
     
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    Last edited: May 25, 2017
  3. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    What things did he witness in Ukraine before he was adopted? You mentioned he is 15. I don't remember if that was when all the war and destruction happened in Ukraine. Many of the children who were left orphaned have serious emotional problems because of the trauma they experienced. After all that happened, there were psychologists who were specifically trained to help these children. I don't know if there are any in the US.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There are trauma doctors in the U.S. An orphanage is a trauma for an infant and they dont forget...it is what can cause poor attachment. So would being in any violence or war environment. Good point for sure. Or a violent home.

    Our adopted kids who live in orphanages or foster care are not the same as kids who have been safe with us from infancy. And many times we dont know what our kids were exposed to and until they become teens it is often unclear the degree of their challenges/impairments. Little kids will accept more help from adults than older kids do. Thats when we sometines for the first time realize that they will have problems functioning on their own.