New to all of this....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sessc, Sep 9, 2008.

  1. sessc

    sessc sheri

    Hi all.

    I'm new to all of this....this site (which is wonderful) and to the world of ODD.

    My daughter (9) was just recently diagnosed with ODD/ADD and it seems to be getting increasingly worse as the days go by. We are currently struggling with medication. We tried Concerta and it was horrible. The reaction was 10 times worse than a normal outburst. We are now going to try Adderall XR.

    We are currently seeing a Phd therapist who is wonderful but I have yet to see any forward progress. After reading some of the threads, it is disheartening to learn that I may not see forward progress. I feel so emotionally beaten down right now. I don't know if I have the strength for this fight. I've been dealing with this for many years, but writing off the symptoms and outbursts to various developmental stages or a strong willed personality or lack of sleep, etc....

    My difficult child is very intelligent and can amazingly control herself in school and in public. So teachers and other family members don't pick up on the issues. It is only at home that we experience her explosions. Nothing is sacred in our house. Things are broken, holes in the walls, paint and markers on carpet. She is aggressive with her siblings and beginning to show signs of aggression towards the animals.

    I know I am rambling, but I am so lost and confused. I feel like a completely inadequate mother - incapable of controlling my child....wondering what I did wrong....blah, blah, blah.

    My other two children (twins, 11) are very affected by their sister's behavior. I guess I am just reaching out for some support and guidance.

    I'm sorry I was so wordy but there seems to be so many of you out there. Any words of wisdom or moral support would be so very appreciated.

    God Bless!
  2. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Welcome to the forum!

    I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to look. Most of us here swear by the book, The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It helps to put ODD and the endless arguments into perspective and goes a long way towards keeping the peace. Also, I just wanted to offer a word of warning about the adderall. If concerta had such a negative impact, other stimulant medications, such as adderall could cause problems as well. Everyone is different but it is something to look out for. Many on this site have posted about stimulent medications causing increased agitation and rage. I know all the typical ADHD medications were disasterous for my son.

    Try not to be too discouraged. You are wise to realize that there is no quick solution to your daughters issues, but with the proper assessment, behavioral interventions, and possibly medications, you will see progress. Unfortunately it is often trial and error. This is a great place to learn and an great place to come for support.

    Good Luck
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome. I remember 9 y/o with my twin difficult children ~ seemed to be some of the hardest years for them.

    A diagnosis for our little wonders is an ever evolving process; you & your psychiatrist will know when you hit on the right diagnosis because the treatment plan will "miraculously" begin working. You'll see positive strides you haven't seen all along.

    As for your twins - they will need to learn to react differently with your difficult child & you will be the role model for that. It's difficult not to be reactive & become angry & negative all at once. Sometimes, all our difficult children may need is some time to transition or a tap on the shoulder & a reminder. I know this sounds simplistic but believe me these have been some of my most succesful tricks of the trade.

    Just wanted to pop in & welcome you. I hope you find the right treatment plan (diagnosis) for your little difficult child. In the meantime, do your best to find some alone time for you.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the site.

    Who diagnosis'd your difficult child? What type of doctor?
    What type of evaluation was done?

    I hope your daughter continues to hold it together at school. I thought it was bad having it happen at home, but when it came out at world collapsed. Phone calls everyday at work. The most stressful time ever.

    What sort of things trigger the outbursts for your difficult child?
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome - Don't be discouraged, there are success stories also. This board will provide support. Take care!
  6. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Welcome to the board. Lots of warrior moms and dads here to give you strength to help you find answers for your difficult child.

    Has she been tested by a neuropsychologist? They provide in depth evaluation of your child and can provide the psychiatric dr. more information so they can prescribe better medications to control your difficult child symptoms.

    A lot of our kiddos have taken the stimulant medications such as concerta or adderall and had aggression issues from the rebound effect. (at home after school) My kiddo is tricky because she needs the stimulant to help with focus, but give her too much and she is mean as a hornet. Perhaps lowering the dose of stimulant may help or a combination mood stablizer and stimulant can help. Talk to your doctor.

    Very supportive group and others will follow with more advice and information.
  7. sessc

    sessc sheri

    Thanks so much to all who have responded. It was another morning from down under (and I don't mean Australia!!). Took Adderall and about 20 minutes later, it was total warfare in our home. My difficult child was 1 hour late to school but at least she was able to compose herself.

    Since I am so new to this, I have a couple of questions. First of all, we are seeing a psychologist who is fabulous and we have an appointment to see a psychiatrist. But how is that different from a neuropsychologist?

    I have ordered books - The Explosive Child - don't remember which others because I reviewed so many. I am eager - maybe even desperate - to learn as much as I can to get us all through this.

    In response to busywend....her psychologist diagnosed her. At first it was depression due to family history. Then difficult child said something about everything was boring and triggered the dr to test her for ADD....with positive results. But the rages and outbursts caused her to look at ODD. difficult child has all 8 signs of ODD. As far as triggers, it could be anything. This morning it was not being able to find a part of her uniform. Yesterday, it was because her brother was using her crayons. Before that, it was because I bought her the wrong pencil case....but all students are required to have a certain pencil case.

    What is extremely frustrating is that she seems to wait for me to let it all out. When in public or with extended family, she is fine. But I seem to be the punching bag. The dr keeps telling me that she 'saves' it all for me because I am the safe one in her life....that she knows I will never leave or stop loving her. That is very true that I will always be there but it's so hard to hear her say that she wants her Nana to be her mother and that she hates me and wants to kill me, and I'm so stupid, etc.

    I am rambling again. I apologize for taking up so much of everyone's time but everyone has been so kind and supportive. I feel like it's the shoulder that I need. Family and friends are there to help but they don't quite understand like you all do. I am a pretty tough girl by nature, but this has really worn me down.

    Christy, timer lady, busywend, Adrianne, luvmyottb - thank you all for your support. I cannot tell you how much it is helping.:D