Newbie - Here's the Cliff Notes of my story!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Not So Sunny California, Dec 30, 2007.

  1. Checking in. I'll try to give you my story in a "nutshell" which as you all know is impossible. Been married 20 years. We adopted a boy prenatal drug exposed. By the time adopted difficult child hit school age, he began to show signs of learning disability and some health issues. His weight exploded by 2nd grade and he was obese (partly genetic). By 2nd grade he was funded by the school district and placed in a private non-public-school specializing in Learning Disability (LD). He was also diagnosed with ADD. By 6th grade he was moved to another school, and again in 8th. He has now gone through every NPS in our area. When he was about 13 he began really showing strange behavior. We went from psychiatrist to psychiatrist. He was placed on various ADD medications, tried Wellbutrin, and Ablity. He became physically violent, mostly towards mom. He began cutting and burning himself. He started smoking, experimenting with pot, alcohol and cocaine. By this time he is 6 feet tall, 330 pounds! We had two private nuero-psychiatric reports and two school district reports. Last year the school district gave us all the approvals required for placement, except placement itself. We tried "wrap around" for 9 months, which is basically an in-house support group. NOW we are going to the IEP meeting with the placement team to move him to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We put him in a short term 45 day unit and hope to move him in the next two weeks. We had to hire a team to get him out of bed and take him to the facility due to his violence especially in the car. I don't know how much of a fight I will have to get him to a location in Utah, not our home state of CA. Oh yeah, and did I say he likes to play with knives, fire, gangs, on and on.
  2. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Welcome, you do have lots on your plate. Glad you found this site. Great people with lots of understanding and wisdom. Don't have lots of advice about all your going through just wanted to say welcome and give you huge ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))).

    Oh and did want to mention we all have regrets. Don't beat yourself up. You followed your heart by adopting those kids and I think that was an extreme admiral thing to do.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Phew/Whew! You surely do have your hands full. I'm so glad you
    found us. I don't know that anyone can give you any advice but
    we are nice people, always ready to listen and eager to render
    support. Welcome. DDD
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Well, since the school is going to fund the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), make sure part of the funding includes a transport service. It really doesn't sound like you will be able to transport him yourself.

    As to your story, it truly is heartbreaking. I hope you find a way to reconnect in your marriage, or should I say connect? You really never had a chance to become a couple.

    If nothing else, you've found a great group that will listen, hold your hand and give advice where we can. Welcome!
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Welcome! I can only admire you- certainly not advise you because it sounds like you've been doing a great job and are doing the right thing now. You have more than your share to deal with and I can't imagine how you keep it sorted out in your mind. This is a great place to communicate with others who have difficulties with difficult child's, a greta place to vent and get emotional support when needed. It sounds like you could use a little of that!

    The only thing I would suggest: Trust me, I am no marriage expert (been single a very long time LOL), but I think it might be a good idea to wait until all of you have transitioned your son into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) before deciding how to deal with the marriage- unless you or the kids are being threatened, but it didn't sound like that was the case. Take some time and a break if you need it- a week away or whatever, but I'd hate to see permanent solutions being decided when there are a lot of things "up in the air".

    Good Luck, and again Welcome!! You will find the greatest people here!
  6. habibi

    habibi New Member

    Gael, I'm sending you a private message.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just popping in to add my welcome. You certainly have a lot on your plate. Glad you found us-you will find much support here. Gentle hugs.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome to our site. There are many who will provide support. I am so sorry you need us, but so glad you found us.

    Please take it easy on yourself. Treat yourself as kindly as you can. I fully understand the "golden handcuffs of health insurance" as I have many health issues.

    I am sorry this has taken a toll on your marriage. Could marriage counselling help? I know also that several churches in my area offer weekend retreats to help couples reconnect. SOme will even arrange childcare, esp if the child is special needs. It might be something to think about.

    It is really hard to make life-altering decisions while under the kinds of stress you are under. I hope that things will be calmer soon.