newbie to this website-plz read-any tips?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by concernedparent, Mar 31, 2010.

  1. hi to u all. i have a 6 yr old son who was diagnosed with odd last year while in kindergarden-every other day he was trouble for kickin pushin hittin u name it, he had several in school suspensions and almost got expelelled two days from last of school. now this year hes in diff school, better teacher, hasnt been to bad 50 % good other not so good, he has hit punched and other stuff, but lately hes been stealin i guess he saw two adults steal in front of him so he does it, and the dr says he has add too. im frustrated i ground him i take away tv n toys, we dont go out much but its like he dont care when he gets grounded. im also waitin to hear on what medications he will be put on-concerta, focalin, vyvanse or starttera-not sure i like any of them but if it will help-i guess do what is good for my son to be able to sit n pay attentoin. i was just wonderin if any of u have gone thru or is with ur kids, im not sure what to do...
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    With any ODD-like symptoms, a book that a lot of us have found helpful is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. If you go over to the Early Childhood forum you can find in the stickies some discussion on how to adapt these books to younger children. It could give you some ideas with regard to discipline.

    See if you can get a copy of the book from your local library, it could explain things a lot better than I can. I also found following the advice in the book to be much easier than the previous struggle. No charts, no stickers, no constant monitoring - just some pre-planning and then consistent follow-through.

    But it won't make your child perform tasks he is unable to do. For example, sitting still may be impossible for him and to punish him for not being able to do what he can't do, is cruel. It's like punishing a blind child for not copying accurately from the blackboard, or like punishing a deaf child for not coming when called. You have to help a child who has deficits and not punish for them. And often, schools or parents don't always 'get' this. They think the child has problems in this area because they haven't been trained enough, when it's not a matter of training.

    You need to adapt to the child as much as the child needs to adapt to you. Someone with a medical condition needs compassion and also needs to find ways to adapt. Michael J Fox has Parkinson's Disease. This means, in him, that his body is constantly moving and twitching. He can control the twitch a little bit but he can't stop it. So what he has done as an actor, is move with it, to turn a twitch into what looks like a deliberate movement. If you watch his acting (from a time after his Parkinson's) you see him constantly moving, but you don't necessarily recognise the movement as Parkinson's. He has found a way to make it work, as best as he can.

    Another example - difficult child 3. He woke with nausea two days ago, said he needed to be still or it made his nausea worse. He had work to do on the computer, but he told me he couldn't do it because he knows that when he is at the computer, he is constantly swivelling in his chair and loving. So instead he chose to recline on the couch and read his textbook. He was able to do this and be physically still. It was interesting - he knos his body and this kowledge is also an important part of his adaptation.

    I wrote about similar things at length in another newbie's thread, "new here - suspect Asperger's in son". Have a look. Not that I can say your son has Asperger's, it could be something else, but a lot of what I had to say could help you too.

    Welcome. Sorry you need us but glad we can be here for you.

  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Glad you found us.
    What makes you think he say 2 adults stealing? Did he tell you this? Or are you assuming that he could not think of that himself?

    What is the school doing to help him with the 50% of his time that he needs it?
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome!!! You are SOOOO not alone here, many of us have been there done that!

    I have NO use for the ODD diagnosis (diagnosis). It doesn't help you figure out why your son is doing these things, it just gives all the undesireable behaviors a name. Having a name for it doesn't help you figure out how to help your son change his behavior, does it? It may well be called Fred or George or any other name, in my humble opinion.

    The ADHD diagnosis is more helpful. Not the most helpful, but most of our kids have been diagnosis'd with this. It is where we started with my son. I found ADHD medications to be very helpful. We chose to use stimulants first, largely because you will know in the first few days to a week if it is going to work well. They also clear out of the body in a very short period of time. Be sure to ask the doctor why they suggest a certain medication or type of medications to start with.

    Why do you think he felt stealing was OK if he saw 2 adults stealing? Do you know this happened or are you guessing? How does he respond to rules in general? Does he seem to respect authority figures like teachers or does he seem to think he is equal to them?

    In addition to "the Explosive Child", I would like to suggest" Parenting with Love and Logic" as a helpful book. You can learn about Love and Logic (L&L) on their website ( The site has info for teachers and parents. I found all of it, even the stuff aimed at teachers, to be helpful.

  5. when my son stole the 2nd to last time he told me his dad stole and when i had him talk to the coips he said how n when his dad did it and back in janruary i was told my ex boyfriend also did it in front of my son and but i have no proof of either one doin it,. his dad of course denies it. it really sucks. when he get caught i generally catch him be4 he actualy gets away with it he says things are free so he can take when n what he wants. there has been few times he has got away with it. really makes me mad. thank you for respondin ill take a look at the book