When I was a little girl, my mother said I was always complaining that things "weren't fair." She and I both laugh about it today, but I admit I still think/want/wish things would be fair. In other words, you put good stuff out there and you get good stuff back. The more you give, the more you receive. If you do the right thing, the right thing will come back to you. Those of us on this forum are well-acquainted with the fact that this just does not happen, especially with our difficult children. We do all of the things a good parent is "supposed" to do----we do it way, way past the time of our statute of limitations as a parent---and bad things keep on coming. It's not fair. And it never will be. I ran across this quote today: "If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn't eat him." I believe this is about accepting reality. Not to stop loving someone. Not to stop giving to others. Not to stop being a giver instead of a taker. Just to accept reality: Giving to an active difficult child doesn't help him/her. It doesn't help us. In fact, it hurts us all. May we all learn even more about when to stop. And when to go.