Now what

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrscatinthehat, Dec 31, 2007.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Ok we went to court at 11. It is the first of several. When they brought difficult child 2 in to the court house he was in cuffs and shackles. If you want your soul to drop out of your feet that will do it. I had to go to the restroom to contain myself. I am normally so in control of these things but this is just so hard. He will most probably be moving on to a different facility after he is adjudicated JD. I have some research to do on the facilities. He very well could go out of state for what he needs. I don't care at all if it will be the best place for him.

    As we were driving home I got a call. I was asked if I was ok. I was confused. Until I found out that it is online what difficult child 2 did (with his name listed). While I was on my cell finding this out husband got a call from our dhs case worker to alert us that it was on the news at noon and would have a larger story at 6.

    Oh joy of my life. The online place has comments. And let us just say they are very unkind.

    I know that I didn't mention what he did (a class B Felony) and such but I am sure from what you are seeing me write you can tell it is extreme. We know he is a sexual predator. We are seeking help for him. Have been for a long time. I don't want to bear his cross on this one. I am sick about what he did. No one would listen to us. The comment has always been unless he does something we can't contain him in a locked facility. Well they for some reason didn't think what he did to easy child was bad enough for charges to be filed. So now another child had to suffer.

    I don't know what path we are going on now. I don't like what has happened. What he did was wrong. But he is still a minor so I don't know how they can list his name on the newspaper site online. Of course attorney's are not in their offices until the 2nd. This is going to be a hard road to hoe no matter what happens. Thanks for listening. Thanks for the strength I get from this site. I have a feeling I will be needing a lot more of it.

  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Oh, Beth...


  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, many, many hugs.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your pain and suffering.
    At 17 they do list names.
    We had a child we adopted who sexually abused my two younger kids. We were lucky that it never made it to the newspapers because he had done A LOT to them and was charged with FIrst Degree Assault. I don't know what happened to the child--he is 18 now and gone. I guess I can offer you a cyber-hand to hold because I know how awful it is. Try not to watch TV or answer the phone. This is NOT your fault. YOU did nothing wrong. Your difficult child is ill and you are getting him help. Keep your chin up.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am sorry you have to go through this. You are a good person even if difficult child has done something horrible.
  6. houseofcards

    houseofcards New Member

    I am also sorry you are going thru this nightmare. You have done your best, sometimes it isn't enough. I will pray for all involved. (((hugs)))
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling.

    If he is being charged as an adult, they can treat him as an adult in the media.

    I hope that you will find a way to show how shamelessly the authorities have treated your family when you asked for help all these years. It's just absolutely not right.
  8. Beth,

    You have my thoughts, prayer, and many gentle hugs....
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh Beth. I am just so sorry.


    So many hugs.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    How painful all this must be for you- as if him getting in trouble wasn't enough. I haven't walked in your shoes, not to say it couldn't happen in the future, but difficult child has been in trouble- arrested more than once, and I have always ended up feeling I'm punished more than him. Not that I want him to feel more pain than me, these kids need help, but you, Mom, shouldn't have to carry that cross.

    I'm so sorry-

  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so very sorry :crying:Many gentle hugs and prayers. We are here for you.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Beth, I could not be more sorry, and disheartened by this turn of events for you. It is bad enough that the situation happened in the first place, but to compound that with the frenzy the media plays in your life, it is almost unbearable.

    I commend you for all of the things you have done in his life. There are so many. You have done all you could.

    There are also many to blame, but looking into the past brings absolutely nothing but pain.

    Instead, try to tune out the TV, the phone calls, the paper, and focus on finding peace within yourself, and the others in your family that are bringing you peace.

    difficult child 2 will have to turn within himself, and feel the cold walls of his consequences, if there is any change possible. This is his time to do that - but he needs you to not feel his pain, his reality - he needs to feel it all himself this time. Try and find every way possible to detach. We are here for you in this endeavor, as I know how difficult it will be.

    I will be praying and thinking of you.
  13. DavidWH

    DavidWH New Member

    mrscatinthehat - Wow what can one say to ease your heart... cuffs and shakels for sure been there done that and never want to see it again.

    Stay strong... clearly many care for you and yours..

    holding your heart softly - David
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member


    Im sorry. I kind of had an inkling of an idea from previous posts of yours about what he may have done when you said major trouble and he wasnt released back to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). This post just sinks my heart.

    I agree with the others to stay away from the online newspapers and the comments. They dont know the true facts of what has gone on in this childs life. Find your strength where you can. I have known several parents who have faced what you are facing today. It has to be one of the toughest things on earth.

    I actually took in one of my friends kids for a short period of time while they looked for a locked placement after he offended. I have also been through the juvy, jail, etc systems. If you ever feel you want a shoulder feel free to PM me and I will send you my phone number.
  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    MWM -- this is her difficult child 2 she's talking about, and he's 14, according to her post.

    So very sorry you are having to endure this. What a living nightmare it must be for you! :crying: Like others have said, it's not your fault and you've been trying to get help for him. It is tragic.

    {{{{{Many hugs!}}}}}
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I am so very sorry. He is so young, at 14 he's still a kid but inside there lives a major monster. You are right to let officials send him anywhere that he can get help.

    I can only offer you cyber hugs and the knowledge that you and your family are in my prayers.

  17. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I'm sorry for your aching heart. I'm glad that difficult child will be in a place where his actions can be controlled/monitored. For his sake as well as for any others that may be hurt. I know you've been worried sick over this type of incident & no one would listen to your concerns.

    Saying many prayers for you & husband tonight. You are bearing the brunt of difficult children choices/actions/behaviors, whatever you want to call it.

    None of this is your fault - this happened way before he came to live with you. You can do just so much to fix the hurt/damage the occurred in his early developmental years. It becomes hardwired.

    Skip the research tonight - instead turn off the phones, the television & anything else that may cause you pain tonight. Have a glass of wine & bake cookies til you drop. (I'll pm you my address) :smile:

    Better yet - let yourself veg out in front of an old movie. Get out a favorite novel & reread it. Let yourself fall asleep & sleep as long as you'd like.

  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I responded before but can't get this out of my mind- I truly am sorry you're going through this. We had a predator in our family when I was growing up, people in the family didn't hate him, neither did I, but they never really did anything that wasn't superficial to help him. in my humble opinion, no one else except those who know the problem exists and doesn't make a sincere effort to help is to blame. You have done everything in your power to help and will continue to do so as long as there is hope, I feel sure.

    I really feel for you and beleive people here can and will stand beside you to help you through this. It's ok to still love him, he's your son, it's ok to be hurt and angry and disappointed, too. It's not your fault and I am truly sorry-
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Please accept my very sincere support via cyberspace. Thank God
    I have not had sexual offenses to deal with but I have seen easy child/difficult child in cuffs, shackles, chains etc. far to many times. We
    also live in a community that wrote about every youth crime and
    included pictures, addresses etc. upon arrest. I have not recovered from that shock yet of the newspaper publicity.

    I'm really sorry for your pain and hope that, somehow, you will
    be able to detach enough to survive these upcoming months. DDD
  20. Got2Sleep

    Got2Sleep New Member

    I am so sorry you are having to hurt so much! Many hugs and prayers!