October again, and difficult child J is at it again.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Oct 14, 2009.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    I had really hoped that this summer was a turning point for us. I thought I wouldn't need this board anymore, that we had finally gotten through to difficult child J. The past few days have been just like last October, when I had to put him in the psychiatric hospital. Yesterday, he put a hole in his bedroom wall, even though we have stressed time and time again about what he can and can't punch and kick when he is angry. Today, he refused to go to school, so I called his case manager, who told me to call the police for domestic violence. (He kicked me in both my wrists this AM, hurting them both). I called the sheriffs department, who told me to call the juvenile division, who informed me there was nothing they could do unless he was on probation. They referred me to juvenile court, who told me I would have to press unruly charges, and that there was nothing they could do to help immediately either. So I waited all day for a call from the court, which never came. :(

    He wants to go back to the psychiatric hospital. Not because he thinks he needs it, but because it is a vacation for him. I know part of the trouble is that he is struggling in school, I have an IAT meeting for him Friday.

    My biggest fear is for the baby. He is only 4 months old, and difficult child J is so strong. If he can break my wrist, he could kill Taz without even trying. I'm so afraid, and frustrated, and lost. I do what the therapists and case managers tell me to, I reach out to the authorities, and nothing happens. If he hurts the baby or one of the girls, they have already told me I could face charges for failing to protect them, but when he hurts me nothing can be done?

    Sorry guys. I'm just so down and upset right now. I didn't know where else to turn, I know you guys understand at least, and don't look at me and think what a bad parent I am. :(

    Hugs to all,
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs. I'm sorry things are so rough. October is always a rough month for my difficult child. I'm sorry that the police didn't come today. They should have and I can understand your fear for your baby. Has he ever been violent towards him?

    It does sound so absurd that they would charge you for not protecting the other kids but do nothing to help when he is hurting you. It just isn't right.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome back, Janis. I'm sorry you needed to find your way back here.

    At the heart of school refusal generally is school anxiety. The reason you may have had a good summer is because J wasn't going to school.

    What is going on at school that might be making him anxious?
    Is he seeing a therapist to deal with anxiety?
    Does he have an IEP?
    Has he outgrown his Risperdal dose? When was the last time he's seen the psychiatrist?

    Hugs. I know this is not easy for you.
  4. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Sharon and SW, many thanks. I know that he is struggling in school. His accommodations from last year don't carry over. The intervention assessment team (IAT) meeting is Friday. Hopefully this year we will get an IEP, instead of the IAT. He was fine last year about going to school after he stopped struggling.

    He sees a therapist weekly, we have a case manager here every other week and therapy with his counselor on opposite weeks. We go in for a medication check Monday. We are considering taking him off the rispodal because it isn't making a difference. He is also going on ADHD medications at that time.

    He hasn't yet been violent toward the baby, but I never know what he is going to do next. I absolutely hate living in fear :(
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Janis, I will caution you that if anxiety is at work here, ADHD medications often exacerbate anxiety. Furthermore, ADHD medications often make an aggressive kid more aggressive. I know your difficult child was diagnosed with ADHD, but what you're describing doesn't really sound like ADHD to me.
  6. hoobear

    hoobear Guest

    Hi Jan,

    Fall is a tough time around our house because we suffer from depression and bi-polar depression. I know that your difficult child is diagnosis'd with ADHD, but is there any chance there is something else going on? I know that the change of season and light (seasonal affective disorder-type thing) has my son and I "cycling" between depression and mania. In my son, this can come out as aggressiveness. Just an idea.

    I hope that everyone stays safe and gets the help that they need.

    Thinking of you,
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jan, I was hoping all would continue to go well for you.

    You are very right to fear for the safety of the other members of the family, esp Taz.

    Did he break your wrist or just strain/sprain them?

    Either way, bandage them up for protection and then call the police. Tell them that they MUST come out. sound every single bit as upset and scared as you are. Tell them that your infant son is in danger, as are you.

    When they get there tell them you INSIST on pressing domestic violence charges and difficult child MUST be removed until you will all be safe.

    If you refuse to allow him to stay in your home they will not want to deal with it. You will have to be firm. Tears help. a LOT. Just don't get hysterical.

    Tell them that he hurt your wrists on purpose and you are afraid that he will hurt the baby or another of your kids the next time he is upset.

    Tell them that you just can NOT keep him from hurting others and you NEED help.

    It isn't fun, or easy. But it WILL get some help.

    I realize he is anxious and it may drive his behaviors. I realize he has stress and problems.

    He still cannot be allowed to hurt people. Period. The other children have a right to live in a home where they are not on guard because a sibling may get upset and hurt them.

    Taz has a right to grow up with-o the strain of having a brother that might hurt/kill him in a fit of anger.

    Yes, difficult child has rights and problems. But so do the other kids. I firmly believe it is not the right thing to do to let difficult child's problems overshadow the needs and rights of the other children. So many times we focus on our difficult child and his/her problems and we end up not having the energy and resources to realize that difficult child is a danger to the rest of the family.

    It is so hard. psychiatric hospital may seem like a vacation. Sadly, if he is violent enough to hurt your wrists that way then he probably needs the psychiatric hospital. Vacation from school or not.

    How much will he get out of school if he is always so anxious and angry?

    This is so hard. I am very sorry.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't think it sounds like ADHD either and would be careful about the medications. Has he ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation? in my humble opinion, they have misdiagnosed him. Have you ever wondered if his diagnosis. was right?
  9. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    Dear Jan,
    I too agree that there sounds like there is more involved besided adhd, maybe if he goes to the hospital you can work with the doctor to see if there is another condition and work on new medications.

    Sorry you need to need the board, but glad that it and we are here when you need us. Don't go away if things get better though, stick around a while!!! :)