Hi there Punk, (lol) not calling you a punk but....ah well here we go.
My son is 17. He started encopresis when he was 4 -4 1/2. Sometime when he was around 16 1/2 he finally stopped. On his own. May have had something to do with peer pressure, or the fact that he was interested in girls.
We took him to a doctor, and the doctor suggested we clean him out with enemas, give him mineral oil and prescribed colace.
We got him on a potty schedule as rigid as anything you have ever seen. We increased certain items in his diet and eliminated others. He was still pooping his pants after 2 years of trying.
The jist of encorpesis is that the bowels get stretched out because the child holds the bowel movement in. When they do this the fecal matter hardens and new fecal matter escapes in the form of watery stool. The idea of enemas, colace, Mirlax (which is no good for encopresis but great for constipation) mineral oil is to keep the intestines lubed so that the fecal matter can't stick or stay. And when it can not stick or stay then lower intestines and rectum shrink back to normal size and allow the nerves to start once again to "feel" the "going" sensation.
For me all that information was well and good. BUT all the laxatives, and mineral oil AND YEARS of Mirlax only made nearly as much mess in his pants as did him going in them on his own.
I can list all the things we tried, and never worked. And that would be just about everything you can imagine, because to my knowledge the only thing you can do is learn to live with it. And I don't know that there is an easy way to do that.
I know that if you belittle him or embarass him about it - it's only going to make it worse and longer. My son did it out of control. He told us as he got older when we made him mad he would poop his pants. And the therapist told us to find a way to deal with it (easy for him to say)
If you have the means to make them wash out their own poopy britches - I'd suggest doing that. Give him gloves and a bucket, a hose and a place for any fecal matter to go. Or make him pick that up with a plastic bag and dispose of it.
Once his underwear are washed out - hang them outside to air dry and /or put them in a bucket of bleach water with a little detergent. To me it's like having to wash out diapers for years, but it beats having to clean it out of your tub or calling a plumber who will NEVER return to your home after cleaning a tub pipe full of poop.
Also keep in mind - if he does bathe in the house
(because outside is cold and we tried it) fecal matter will be getting in the drain - if you give or take a bath - before you do pour bleach in the drain while the tub water is running and THEN hit the tub stop. No one in our house can STILL take a bath.
The best laundry detergent you can use for the smell is Tide with Febreeze or Tide with Downy. And Add 1 cup of 20 mule team borax to all his loads of clothes. If he's ditching his underpants he's now pooping in his pants and if you don't pre-treat that or use borax - the smell of hot poop in a dryer will make YOU crazy and make EVERYONE ELSE not want to wash their clothes. I always ran a load of hot water and bleach in the machine after I washed Dude's clothes.
I bought Underpants at the Salvation army. I also had to HIDE my fiance's underpants as Dude would break crawl through the window of my room and get them - because the doors in our house are locked.....and eventually we had to lock up DF's dirty underwear because even those were cleaner than Dudes underwear. (grossed out enough yet?)
Yeah - but these are things you are going to be facing, rather you hear them from someone who isnt' going to go OMG your kid is X years and poops his pants?
In a car - Febreeze sprayed close and Lysol Crisp linen spray worked to get the stink out of upholstery. BOTH have to be used - Lysol to kill the germs and febreeze to cover up the smell of the lysol.
We even at the end finally just said LOOK - You're doing it, we know you're doing it - just scrub the tub when you are done, and wash your britches outside, pick up the mess and then put them in the bucket of bleach and soap - and gave him his own towel, washcloth, and did the best we could not to puke when we used the same bathroom.
WE did work with a cognitive behavior therapy therapist and that seemed to help a lot - not so much that it stopped overnight - but the man was able to give us ideas to stop being so angry about it all and gave ideas to Dude like WHY do you want to sit in your own mess?
For us it was ALL control. It can be a sign that a child was molested, but you'd need to have a therapist determine that. And for us - that is sadly what it was.
I probably painted a grim picture for you - and I'm sorry anyone has to go through this. There are a few of us here that have had to deal with this and it's like I remember at one point sitting in my yard swing looking up to heaven and saying "YOU KNOW.....I could deal with JUST the behavior, or JUST the destruction of my home, or JUST the school calling, or JUST him being so ugly to me, or JUST the poop thing - but noooooo you saw fit to give me patience to deal with them ALL AT ONCE....THANKS GOD - thanks a load." literally.
I can tell you that they'll quit - when they quit. If it's not a bowel problem - you're just going to have to follow some hints here - and do the best you can until he stops.
Hugs -
Star