Off to get q.... Uggg

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    The bus was late due to the weather so Q was so full of anxiety when he left. then a mouse ran across the snow outside and freaked him out. But he got on the bus so I wasn't so worried.

    Just heard from the teacher and Q is suspended for the day.... He ran into his teacher and knocked her down.

  2. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Oh my Lord... Bless ur heart so much for a good Monday huh?
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Good grief Buddy. Sure hope the rest of the day gets better.

    Hugs for you two.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    LMS - I think we should give Buddy a new board-name... I think we should call her Charlie Brown. She's everybody's friend, her "kite" keeps getting tangled up, and... one of is is always either saying or thinking, "good grief".

  5. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    LOL insaneCdn...that is too cute and too true!

    Hugs Charlie Brown...I mean Buddy! smile.
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Oh dear, sorry to hear that. Tell us more about why he knocked down the good lady when you know more...
  7. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member


    It's so strange and frustrating that little things can upset their whole day!!!!
    I wonder if he really ment to hurt her....sounds more like a fight or fright reaction?
    Thinking of you!!!!!:group-hug::group-hug:
  8. liz

    liz Guest

    Oh no Buddy!! I am so sorry!! :(( Hope he feels better soon and is able to be calm .....((HUGS!!)) to you and him.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well, I went into Mr. sp ed admin (for newbies...his school has a principal who is an a55, a vp who is a jerk, and an admin assistant who is actually a good guy but push comes to shove goes with admin of course....he specifically does discipline with sp needs kids and often does really well with Q and will negotiate and listen to me... but he has been taken out of the loop lately decision wise, surprise)...

    I told him that this was a stupid decision (I can talk freely with him) and that it is dangerous outside (I spun out on the way at 20 mph. ) he said well, we decided this is how we would do it right? I said, no we decided if he could not CALM then we would have him go home on that day. We specifically said he would stay in school because that is the whole point of his behavior plan.. to learn to calm when he is overly wound up. So, this means he calms then is punished even when he calms.... go figure he doesn't give a rip. We said if it was serious then he could have some time in the inschool suspension room to continue to do school work.

    I asked why they think this was the right thing to do... because other kids saw it? They said yes. I said so this is to make an example of him? they said yes. He admitted that is what the admin told them was the reason he had to go home. You mean if you dont do this all the other kids will start pushing their teachers???? They are grades 6-8. Crazy. This is about htem looking like they are tough and in charge.

    He said he had to go to the lunch room and I said not yet. (yeah me) I said I am tired of this. I will go get my car and HE can go get Q and bring him out. I want him to talk him nicely into coming to my car because we need to break up the automatic pattern of his seeing me and freaking out because the only time he sees me there now is when he is in trouble (after two years of volunteering there and we were up to his actually coming up to me and giving me a hug. ARRRGGG...

    So, he sent him out and Q got in the car fine and came home perfectly well.

    They are jerks. and I have no sympathy for them. They said, well Q said he wanted to hurt her and that he was going to do it again. I said, he said that before or AFTER? He ALWAYS acts like he does any mistake on purpose and he even has told several people that he gives up and is gonna make people think he is not stupid and that he can control it all and is making a choice. He actually has said that several times. I asked in the car if he did it on purpose. He said no but I told them I did. I asked why and he said because they were mad.

    I explained that if he accidentally pushed too hard, (he runs up to people all excited and does he needs to quickly, right away say sorry and help them up and explain that you didn't mean to do it that hard and then you also need to remember NO TOUCHING anyone anytime so this does not happen. He said I told her sorry later when I calmed down. I said but they are only talking about what you said at first. SO, the principal thinks you really did do it on purpose. He said, OH. Well I didn't so I will tell her again tomorrow. I explained I didn't think that would help any but he can try. SOmehow he has to figure out how to be calm or they have to realize he needs help.

    This kid is gonna give me a stroke and these people are gonna bury me.

    (by the way she just lost her balance and fell she is not hurt or anything not like he attacked her, not that it is ok...he knows I am NOT happy about his doing that and he is under normal before school rules, can only read or do math or legos etc... which he made NO arguments about.)
  10. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Oh Buddy. I am so sorry they made you come and get him. I do not understand schools and their stupid need to make an example policies. Really? Like all the other kids don't know that Q has some problems? They are not going to think "Oh Q did it so it is ok" Hope the rest of his day goes more smoothly. And that your roads clear up. Stay safe.
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Log it with that advocate - again.
    She needs to see the pattern, while it is unfolding.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    yup, called her before I left
  13. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I am so sorry... I can't help wondering if that school brings ANY good in Q's life?? I imagine you've already explored all the alternatives though.
    How frustrating.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    working on it ktllc.... not much out there and I can't afford anything private anyway. He is not Residential Treatment Center (RTC) material or tbs material... they do not work with kids who are that low cognitively and who are autistic.... sp ed only schools have been awful for us, we tried though.

    I just dont know... if the admin would leave sp ed alone we would probably be ok... still hoping this independent FBA person will help.
  15. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    I just don't get it. They knew she fell by accident and still blamed Q? Seems Biased to me like they just sent Q home bc they didn't want to do their job... Sounds like that school would expel everyone so they could just sit around and gross a paycheck.
  16. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Just to understand (cos you know I'm really not familiar with the set up in the States - or anywhere else, come to that :)), if, say, worst scenario (could turn out to be the best one), the school refused to take him any more, would your adoption funding pay for something other than sp ed?? A silly question, doubtless, because I am sure you have investigated this but...
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    No, not allowed. Besides it is already spent every month. Waiver is for medical things.

    They CANT refuse to take him by law. Unless he had a weapon, drugs or did serious bodily harm which is defined clearly by federal law. He has never done that.

    They can say they want a change of placement but then they better have a good plan that wont hurt him and I will fight them all the way and have already been told by his neuro and psychologist that they will absolutely stand up for him that he can't be with EBD kids in a segregated program.

    I wish he could... that would be great, but it never pays off for him.

    So, the writing I see on teh wall is either that this new fba helps people turn around.... or we design an independent program. he gets private teaching etc. (they have a home bound autism teacher by the way)

    I would feel terrible for him because I feel he is acting out more and more simply because of what they are doing. He is tired of being alone.

    So, as I was leaving the teacher said she and the ugggg psychiatric are going to take Q to the high school on Wed. UMMM what? So, I said, at home after he was fine and settled. Hey Q, you still want to go on a tour of the high school. He said what kids will I go with. I said, well this is your turn so you get to go yourself. He said, no way, that is babyish and I would just rather be surprised next year. I dont even want to go .

    I was not comfortable with them taking him anyway. So, I wrote an email and told them to cancel. I am so ticked off at them anyway. If we have a tour I will take him myself.
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    We had to do this for other reasons... but, try this:

    YOU contact the HS directly - like the person from the HS that was at your IEP meeting.
    YOU tell them you want to start discussing next year, and set up a meeting.
    Then, YOU and HS staff plan a tour that actually works to Q's benefit.

    For our difficult child, it was more a matter of multiple trips to handle anxiety, plus meeting some of the teachers in advance (ones that were guaranteed to teach him that subject, like band)... I didn't actually have to go - his EA took him. But it was custom trips, and he got to see things that the other kids never got within a mile of...

    They may have other kids like our difficult child, doing specialized stuff, and can include Q in a smaller group?
  19. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Just an idea: since he is low cognitively, have you tried contacting the ARC? Maybe they would have some suggestion of programs.
    The only experience I have with them is through therapy in my little town, and the therapist is good. But I know they do A LOT more than therapy.
    It might be worth the call, even if Q does not quite fit their scope. Afterall, V does not quite fit either, but they are still helping us.
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Nope, everyone else already went. Q knows it and feels left out. He is just mad and hurt. He doesn't want to go with me either. I offered but he says no.