BusynMember
Well-Known Member
OMG. I haven't been able to sleep all night. WTH can I do?
Here it goes.
You have all seen my posts about Jumper's sweet boyfriend J. I was always really drawn to him and felt that he was hurting, although I didn't really know much about his back story...just that his father and stepmother (who he thinks of as his mother) are very hard on him and often cruel. And I knew his birthmother was considered "crazy" by people who grew up with her, but I don't know what "crazy" really means. I know that this soon-to-be-young-adult is a winner on every front...very smart without much effort, a fabulous athlete, good looking, very popular, one of the nicest boys you could meet, very religious...you name the good and that's him. I thought he'd be fine once he got out of the house and in college.
Last week he was watching Jumper play volleyball with one of his friends and I went up to him to say hi. He looked flustered and hardly talked to me, although he wasn't being rude. He just looked very haunted and I thought something bad had happened at home. Jumper went out for ice cream with him after her game, and when she walked in I said, "Is J. ok?" She said, "He was just in a weird mood. He gets like that sometimes." She held up some flowers he had bought her then went to her room.
Today, in the car, Jumper told me that J. has terrible problems with depression. It started with he was eight and his father remarried (ya wonder why???) and it was so bad then that this Neanderthal family actually got him help because it scared Dad. But, according to Jumper, he never really recovered and has been suicidally depressed ever since. He has told that if it wasn't for her he doesn't know if he would even be here. Jumper said he has no self-esteem,that telling him about all his gifts doesn't make him feel better, that he doesn't like himself. I told her to make him promise to tell her if he is going to do anything to himself. Then I dropped her off at her friend's house and cried in the car.
I have suffered from depression a good portion of my life before I found these miraculous medications. I know how horrible it is. I am afraid that, now that I have this knowledge, J. will try to kill himself anyway because his idiot parents are so mean to him and he loves them so much. He doesn't trust his parents so he won't tell them how he feels, and I don't trust them to respond normally either. I already talked to him once about what a great kid we think he is and how he can count on us as his friends. But he is a very closed up kid and doesn't share much and I know he won't talk to us. He is used to keeping secrets from the world.
What would you do in this situation? I am not supposed to have this information, I am sure. Jumper didnt' tell me, "Don't talk to J. about it" but I'm sure s he doesn't want me to. And I'm not at all sure that talking to him would do anything more than freak him out. This a kid with a deer in the headlights look all the time. At this point in time, I think the only person he trusts is Jumper. He does have a lot of friends, but he never discusses his home life or his mental health with anybody except Jumper.
I can't believe his parents don't understand, from his history, that he is vulnerable to depression. They don't seem to even be taking that into consideration at all. He is just a wayward kid to them...I feel like punching them both in the noses (not really...well, yeah, really, but of course I never would"). Normally I would talk to the parents about this, but I think that could make it worse.
Do I just let it go for now and...and what? If this kid gets the right treatment, he has so much good to offer the world...I also worry about Jumper. She is very mature (most of her friends are juniors and seniors that she plays sports with), but she is still only fifteen. This is a lot of emotional stuff for her, although she seems to be dealing with it very well. She doesn't seem stressed out or overly emotional...she seems to be fine being there for him...but is she old enough for this?
Here it goes.
You have all seen my posts about Jumper's sweet boyfriend J. I was always really drawn to him and felt that he was hurting, although I didn't really know much about his back story...just that his father and stepmother (who he thinks of as his mother) are very hard on him and often cruel. And I knew his birthmother was considered "crazy" by people who grew up with her, but I don't know what "crazy" really means. I know that this soon-to-be-young-adult is a winner on every front...very smart without much effort, a fabulous athlete, good looking, very popular, one of the nicest boys you could meet, very religious...you name the good and that's him. I thought he'd be fine once he got out of the house and in college.
Last week he was watching Jumper play volleyball with one of his friends and I went up to him to say hi. He looked flustered and hardly talked to me, although he wasn't being rude. He just looked very haunted and I thought something bad had happened at home. Jumper went out for ice cream with him after her game, and when she walked in I said, "Is J. ok?" She said, "He was just in a weird mood. He gets like that sometimes." She held up some flowers he had bought her then went to her room.
Today, in the car, Jumper told me that J. has terrible problems with depression. It started with he was eight and his father remarried (ya wonder why???) and it was so bad then that this Neanderthal family actually got him help because it scared Dad. But, according to Jumper, he never really recovered and has been suicidally depressed ever since. He has told that if it wasn't for her he doesn't know if he would even be here. Jumper said he has no self-esteem,that telling him about all his gifts doesn't make him feel better, that he doesn't like himself. I told her to make him promise to tell her if he is going to do anything to himself. Then I dropped her off at her friend's house and cried in the car.
I have suffered from depression a good portion of my life before I found these miraculous medications. I know how horrible it is. I am afraid that, now that I have this knowledge, J. will try to kill himself anyway because his idiot parents are so mean to him and he loves them so much. He doesn't trust his parents so he won't tell them how he feels, and I don't trust them to respond normally either. I already talked to him once about what a great kid we think he is and how he can count on us as his friends. But he is a very closed up kid and doesn't share much and I know he won't talk to us. He is used to keeping secrets from the world.
What would you do in this situation? I am not supposed to have this information, I am sure. Jumper didnt' tell me, "Don't talk to J. about it" but I'm sure s he doesn't want me to. And I'm not at all sure that talking to him would do anything more than freak him out. This a kid with a deer in the headlights look all the time. At this point in time, I think the only person he trusts is Jumper. He does have a lot of friends, but he never discusses his home life or his mental health with anybody except Jumper.
I can't believe his parents don't understand, from his history, that he is vulnerable to depression. They don't seem to even be taking that into consideration at all. He is just a wayward kid to them...I feel like punching them both in the noses (not really...well, yeah, really, but of course I never would"). Normally I would talk to the parents about this, but I think that could make it worse.
Do I just let it go for now and...and what? If this kid gets the right treatment, he has so much good to offer the world...I also worry about Jumper. She is very mature (most of her friends are juniors and seniors that she plays sports with), but she is still only fifteen. This is a lot of emotional stuff for her, although she seems to be dealing with it very well. She doesn't seem stressed out or overly emotional...she seems to be fine being there for him...but is she old enough for this?