OMG, you have got to be kidding me. What do we do?

[Shari]

I'm sorry to carry on about this, but this is such a huge source of frustration in my world. Mostly because its senseless.

easy child 2 (aka difficult child 3) is here.

She is supposed to be here this weekend, but wants to trade weekends so she can go camping with us next weekend. She asked me, I told her to ask dad, he told her to ask mom. So she called her mom.

An hour later, her mom is messaging me. She doesn't think easy child 2 should go with us because she's been sick so much and that's why she had all that makeup work in math. I asked husband. He didn't know she'd been so sick. We pulled up the school website.

She was gone from school on Dec 9. She left school after math class on February 4. That's her only absences.

easy child 2 told her that's why she had 6 missing assignments in math between Jan 5 and Feb 11.

Her mom might accidentally let her go, but again, we've caught her in a flippin' lie. What do we do? Tell her no, she can't go because of her mom's concerns about her being so "ill" and missing so much school?

I hate this. It is absolutely no win.

 

[SRL]

I'd go with whatever weekend plan will get her math makeup work done more quickly.

If the lie originates with the mom, take it up with the mom and not the daughter. If daughter's lying, I'd confront her, and give her a chance to tell mom before you do so she understands this isn't a game to play between two households.

 

[klmno]

This probably won't be the popular answer, but I'd tell her mom (I take it she lives with her mom?), and let her mom decide what is appropriate.

 

[Shari]

The math work, at this point, is made up. But she has lied to us all repeatedly about it.

The lie is from the daughter. Two weeks ago, she told her mom I was making it up and she didn't have missing work. Then the school sent out grade checks to her parents (mom included), so she had to give her another story. Then she told her mom it was because she'd been sick and it was all make-up work. But she wasn't out any of the days that the work is missing from...

Problem is, mom beleives every thing this child says...and verifies nothing.

 

[totoro]

Oh why would she lie! LOL
I don't know, but seems like if she is lying to you guys maybe husband should talk to her and confront her. Take away next weekends camping trip if it is important to her, if she will learn from something like this.
Unless this is more punishment to you guys! LOL

Mom needs to open her eyes...

 

[flutterby]

Ok, stupid question, maybe. How would mom not know her daughter hasn't missed any school?

 

[Shari]

Why would she lie? This all started a month ago when she lied to me about still goinig to tutoring and lying to the tutor about coming when she never did. Her dad thought we ought to find out if she was lying to her mom, too, and make sure she wasn't running around town for 2 hours a couple nights a week telling mom she was at tutoring when she wasn't really going.

It came out because I noticed she had an almost F in math, that I thought was odd since she claimed to still be goiing to tutoring every week.

Then she had to lie to her mom, who won't verify anything with her teachers or online, that all the work WAS turned in. So her mom got mad at me for making stuff up, and subsequently, easy child 2 got mad at me for the same reason (tho when I called her on it because she was being SO nasty to me, she admitted I wasn't "making stuff up").

Then she got a letter in the mail that still showed missing assignments. Mom apparently questioned her about those, and she apparently claimed it was make-up work from when she missed school, sick.

Heather, mom never knows when she's sick cause mom's long gone when this girl gets on the bus and usually isn't home when she gets off. Grandma is the one that makes the call whether she stays home or not (and grandma will let her stay home for literally anything) and keeps her all the time. So mom doesn't know when she's at school or not. But according to the school records, she was at school all these days.

So now, mom is asking if its a good idea to take her camping in the damp, cool spring since she's been so very, very sick and missed all this school which made her miss all thise work.

Except she hasn't missed any school.

I'm sick of her.

 

[slsh]

To me, this looks like a perfect opportunity for logical consequences to kick in. Since she's been so "sick", her mom is rightly worried (ok, I'm rolling eyes here because like Heather, I'm trying to figure out how mom wouldn't have figured this out, but... whatever). I'd let mom address it with- easy child/difficult child as to why she can't go camping.

*Eventually*, logical consequences do kick it. It sounds like it's tougher in your circumstance because mom isn't quite keeping track of things. I wouldn't let this opportunity for easy child/difficult child to enjoy the fruits of her labors pass.

 

[Shari]

Sorry, Toto! I just realized you were being sarcastic! lol

 

[DaisyFace]

I agree with slsh--

The child has been "sick"...and therefore clearly too ill to participate in a camping trip.

Problem solved--at least on your end. Now it will be up to easy child...er difficult child 3 to try and explain to her Mom that she wasn't really sick...and managed to miss all that school anyway.

 

[klmno]

I guess I was thinking it would help wake the mom up if she was told about things like this. But I like the idea of "ohhh...you've been so sick, it's probably best that you don't go". I wonder if that's what mom is doing anyway. LOL!

 

[Shari]

I wish, KLMNO.

We told mom when she lied to the tutor. Forwarded the email from the tutor about it.

Told mom about the missing work (I made that up).

husband had a chat with difficult child 3. He told her she made the bed, lie in it. She's not going with us cause she's missed to much school being sick.

 

[totoro]

Were you ready to rip my head off when you thought I was serious! HA HA

"Why would the little angel lie" too funny! Hopefully it made you laugh after the fact!

They make my family look like the Brady Bunch.

 

[Shari]

Oh yeah, I laughed! A lot! lol Thank you for the inadvertant giggles!

husband told me to ask her mom what her mom beleived. I did. Her mom replied "well, I thought the dates of the missing work was around when she was gone from school, and last week the tutor said all her missed work was made up now".

Uh. Ok. That answers the question how??? Do you beleive she missed all this school and all this work? (we're talking 8 different days between assignments missing in 3 classes here...I'd hope a parent would be aware their child missed almost 2 weeks of school in a 5 week time frame...but I digress...) She said "maybe easy child 2/difficult child 3 thinks she missed it, too".

Yeah, whatever. Have fun in Disneyland. Those of us here in the real world expect a postcard.

So husband told her there was no need to switch weekends. If she was so sick she missed all that school, she didn't need to go with us.

Then it was explained to easy child 2/difficult child 3 that she made this bed, enjoy lying in it.

Oh, and then I talked to another parent of a 7th grader. She said if assignments are missing, a note goes home for the parent to sign. Hm.... We've caught easy child 2/difficult child 3 forging signatures before. Couple different years, actually. This other parent said the notes stay in the child's file at school.

I'm not sure I even want to know. All I'd have to do is take 5 minutes to ask to see the file. Or 5 minutes to email the teachers that had all these missing asssignments and see if these notes were issued and returned...but I'm not sure I want to know the answer. Ya know?

 

[KTMom91]

Wow...glad husband told her she couldn't go. Do you think difficult child will catch a clue from this, or just do a better job of covering her tracks?

 

[Shari]

She has spent almost every night she's been here for the past 5 or 6 weeks in tears because she's been caught in one aspect of this lie or another. And yet she carries it on. SO I have my doubts...but I can always hope.

Just wish I knew what more to do. It would be one thign if she were truly a difficult child, but I don't think she is. She's just been taught how to behave...

 

[Shari]

Also just found out she spent literally all last weekend at a friend's house. She is almost NEVER allowed to go to a friend's house from her mom's. She went to this friend's house at 6pm on Friday, and went back to her mom's at 6 on Sunday.

Hm. Now I wonder what the rest of the story is.