One Week and One Day

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AnnieO, Feb 2, 2015.

  1. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hi all. I know it's been a while... Things have been pretty calm. I'm happy about that.

    Belle's release date from prison is Feb 10. A week from tomorrow. And, frankly, I'm a bit nervous. I'm hoping she is ready for a real, meaningful life and we can leave the disaster that was the last few years behind.

    Bill, Pat, Rose and I will be picking her up. Over to bio-gma's to get some things, then back to our house so she can get cleaned up... We will feed her "real" food, maybe a movie. Then Bill will take her back to bio-gma's. I've made it abundantly clear that Belle CANNOT stay with us.

    I've watched Pat blossom in the last nearly 2 years since she left. Rose has never known the stress and conflict (5 months old when Belle left). I want to keep that status quo.

    Pat is scared and said if she stays he will leave. I won't allow that. It is MUCH more his home than Belle's. I love her. So much... But I love him, too, and she's much more capable of independent living. Time for this mama bird to make sure baby bird #1 flies.
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    Last edited: Feb 2, 2015
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope this is the start of a positive new life for her, and for some eventual healing of your family. It is wise to not let her move back home. I am glad that Pat was able to tell you how he felt. Some siblings are not capable of verbalizing that even a couple of years after an abusive sibling leaves for whatever reason. Loving Belle and letting her move home have NOTHING to do with each other. At 20, it is time for Belle to make her own way in the world. Letting her come back home would stunt her growth. Encouraging her to leave the nest isn't just good parenting of Pat and Rose, it is also good parenting of Belle.

    (((((hugs))))) and best wishes for this new chapter.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hang in there, warrior mom. You are doing the right thing.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can't believe how time has flown. I agree you need to protect the other kids and she needs to learn how to move to the next phase. I know you will be there with love but it is her life now and she needs to take hold of it. I wish her well, I really really do. She reminds me of mine.
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I am glad you decided to do what is best for the majority. It might not be what Belle wants but she has made the decisions that scare Pat and make you want to protect your little kiddos. I think you are doing a good thing and she can slowly become part of the family once she proves that she can be nice and friendly.
  6. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I don't know the whole story but I can say that your immediate family's needs, especially with a member who has developmental disabilities has priority over her needs. Getting out of jail/prison is one thing but learning to stay out of trouble and walk the straight line is another, but that is her issue to deal with and it sounds as if your family has enough on it's plate to deal with. It is sad that your daughter's actions have scared your son. Sending hopes and prayers for your family.
  7. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    I hope her experience has helped her to be able to make the best of her life now. You are right in not taking her back into your home. Sending positive thoughts her way.
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    You are definitely doing the right thing. We had to make it lear to our son that he could not live with us again after we realized the negative impact it would have on our younger daughter. We had to protect her and she also bloomed when he wasnt here. It was hard but it was the right thing to do. I am not sure I would have been able to take the stand for just my husband and I .... but it was also the right thing for us.... and in the long run I think it has been the right thing for my son also.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Sending good thoughts that the week goes well...
  10. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    Strength & hugs going your way! You're doing the right thing.