Other addictive issues?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by christianmom, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. christianmom

    christianmom Member

    I haven't posted on here in a long time. I'm very thankful my son got clean from drugs 2-1/2 years ago. He no longer smokes or drinks. He serves God and has a steady job and is a great guy. However, he has some serious issues with the girl he likes. When he first started serving God and got clean, she wasn't happy about it. (I am pretty sure she is not a user - she just has a whole lot of personal problems - possibly from being abused herself when young). Anyway, she has lied and cheated for years and hurt him deeply and he keeps going back to her. I have been reading about things like this and her behavior is like that of which I have been reading about people in relationships with psychopaths and how the victims of these abusers keep going back because it is like an addiction. After they are hurt, they are addicted to how it feels when they make up. I'm wondering if this may be yet another addictive issue with him. He has such problems with it, that he has to miss work sometimes. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or web sites to point me to for help. He finally has admitted he knows she doesn't love him, but that doesn't seem to matter. I would like to talk to him about all this. (Last summer, he supposedly broke up for good, and told me it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of him - but now he's back again with problems it seems like).
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am sorry to hear this. My son is very codependent in a bad way with relationships and I do believe it is part of the psycho social nature of there addictive personalities.

    How old is your son?

    We can guide them but can not control them. If they are adults in age they are accountable. Some times it is their best interests if we let go and let God.
  3. christianmom

    christianmom Member

    Yes, codependency - that's another thing I read about. Thanks for reminding me. He's 23. I realize he makes his own decisions. We discuss it sometimes (he brings it up sometimes too) though so I am thinking of bringing up this new angle that I've been reading about.
  4. christianmom

    christianmom Member

    I read your signature and realize we have similar situations, with our sons being only children. And also the Nov. update. I will certainly be praying for your family and your son.
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Yes CM indeed we do. Thank you for your kindness. I am killing time sitting in the court house waiting for my son to arrive for his release to house arrest while he awaits rehabilitation. Sigh.
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    christianmom, a very dear friend of mine is an alcoholic who is clean and sober and attends AA. He has mentioned a number of times how often he hears in meetings that once an alcoholic/substance abuser gets clean, now he/she will need to deal with their codependency issues. A good book you and your son can read is Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie.

    CoDa, is Codependents anonymous, a 12 step group for codependents, your son may find value in those groups as well.

    Your son may benefit from therapy, to bring to light why he stays in a dysfunctional relationship.....good resources for therapy are, the Psychology today website and goodtherapy.org. Another resource is a website called, Out of the Fog.....your son may find guidance and support there as well.

    It's tough to watch our kids struggle in negative relationships where they are hurt. I'm sorry you have to be on the sidelines of this. Ultimately it is your son's choice, but perhaps a few pointers will guide him to place where he can make healthier choices in relationships.
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So sorry to hear this.

    I bet you are so grateful that he is no longer using drugs and then to have this come up has to be heart-wrenching for you. UGH!

    I once was in a serious relationship with a former addict that went to therapy when we broke up and he was told that he was addicted to me. So yes this can happen. We did get back together for some time but he was really not someone I wanted to be with long term and thankfully I moved on with no regrets.

    I worry about this with my own son who is now in a faith based long term program. He did have a girlfriend while using and right now they have no contact due to program restraints. She is a nice girl but we really don't want to see son back with her because we just hope he moves on from everything from the addictive part of his life.

    I agree that therapy to sort through this would be a great idea if he'll go.