Our summer so far....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Jul 15, 2009.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Sorry, haven't posted in a really long time. But I do keep updated with everyone and have thought about everyone so often.

    I suppose everyone is getting ready for their trip. I wish I could go. Well, I probably could, but would need to hitch a ride.

    difficult child.....It has been a rough summer. Not the arguing and fighting the school year brings but more TRYING to get him out of the house.

    The depersonalization/ derealization is still here. He asked the psychiatrist about it since it started last December. psychiatrist said that really isn't that long. Anxiety is still hitting him hard. The few times he has gone anywhere he has always taken a xanax with him. Last weekend he spent the night at a friends and sent a text message at 3am to both husband and myself that he was having a really bad anxiety attack. Neither of us heard our phones. He didn't call, he dealt with it on his own. I guess that is a good thing.

    Still, most of the kids he knows do drugs and that is not for him. He says he doesn't understand why people want to take drugs to feel like he feels every day. When he would do anything to just feel normal.

    Plus - he is terrified that he would die if he mixed any type of drug and alcohol with his medication.

    He sleeps until 1 or 2pm. Then sits on the stupid computer until 1 or 2 am or later if we didn't make him go to bed.

    No puberty yet. 14.5 years old and still has no signs. Voice hasn't changed and that is very hard on him. He wanted to quit baseball. That was a fight every game. Then a kid in town died. Flu like symptoms and just died. He was a baseball star. difficult child said he was talking with Sam one night and difficult child told Sam he wanted to quit. Sam told him not to quit, he would regret it. difficult child said he doesn't want to quit now and wants to play Fall Ball. His spring team won the championship this past Monday night.
    difficult child did poorly this season. He was just not into it.

    Headaches have been keeping him home also. Three days in a row now. He had asked to go to ER for an IV and I told him no. He took two tylenol #3's, Advil and BC powder the day of his baseball game. Only played one inning because his head hurt too bad. Still yesterday it was bad enough he wouldn't leave. Didn't take tylenol #3 yesterday though. Just stuck with Advil.

    Sometimes I think school would be good for him. Then I think of the constant fights and I just can't handle that. I see him mope around the house and whine and complain and do absolutely nothing. But I made him go out with me and neighbors...he is a completely different kid. Funny, happy, just different. But he is mean. If he doesn't like someone (which he seems to dislike everyone) he makes mean comments. I talk to him until I am blue in the face but he doesn't care.

    We were in line at the consession stand at a baseball game. Some players behind us (a Pitcher). One kid said HEY - you should HIT difficult child. husband turned around and said why? Kid said because he is mean to me at school. Asked what school. Yep - same small school. husband said that wasn't very sportsman like and would talk to his coach (kidding) Kids eyes got real big and said he didn't mean it. As we walked away husband said, "by the way...I'm his father".

    I wish I knew how to get difficult child out of the house. I asked him to help me and he said NO. I am on my switch week, meaning I have 7 days off. I go back to work tomorrow. Been working on projects. I asked him every day to do something, go somewhere with me. He says NO. I will feel really bad when I go back to work tomorrow and he will go do things with husband or anyone. I asked every day and he says no. I honestly think he just doesn' t like me.

    Wish summer was longer. husband and I, and difficult child and I have not fought at all. Very calm. Just the slight disagreements trying to get difficult child to do something. Anything. Just move out of the chair and off the computer.

    I think he is afraid of the anxiety attacks. He even has them when doing nothing. We live right on Lake Michigan and not once has he gone down to the lake where all the kids hang out. They built a skate park a block away and all the kids are there too, not once has he gone. Even the pool, with the water slides is a block away. Nothing.

    Sorry so long. Hope you all have a great time in Ohio.
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    kjs, what a sad thing that there is so much fighting,hitting within difficult child's peer group. I'm glad husband stood up for difficult child. I'm sure he feels all alone with the kids persecuting him(even if it's only in his mind).

    As far as activity, my biggest suggestion is asking difficult child what he would like to do. Give him some choices and control within reason.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I totally understand the frustration of a non-motivated difficult child. Ugh! It is so hard to watch them waste precious time in life. Especially what should be the good years.

    I hope you can get the anxiety under control.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad to hear there hasn't been a lot of fighting with you, difficult child, and husband. I'm sorry he still is dealing with so much anxiety. I also know how frustrating it is not to be able to get your difficult child to get out and do things. We actually have the same problem with easy child, just not due to anxiety. Right now I'm trying to push her to get out to do some job hunting. She sleeps most of the day away and rarely leaves the house.
  5. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sounds like a sad summer. I'm sure it must be very hard for you to see difficult child so unmotivated and with such anxiety.