Pardon me while I vent...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TheWalrus, Mar 15, 2016.

  1. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    Gorgeous day today. One of those unexpectedly warm, sunny, breezy, "oh I can feel summer coming" days. We have had a few and this is the kind of weather that makes me feel my best, uplifts my spirits. And I have been feeling so much more like "me" the last few days...until...

    (Insert Tangent)
    I can never understand why people are so, so ignorant of others' situations. I have a co-worker I don't know well but who knows my daughter (also, not well), and has friended my daughter on social media. If you have kept up with me, she never plays well with others but she can be at her worst behind the faux bravery of a keyboard. And this co-worker is apparently talking about it with others, as I had someone "mention" in casual conversation something daughter had posted. I am not on her social media. Most family are not either bc of how inflaming she can be. This co-worker is the only one I know of at work on it. Not hard to figure out where the information came from. Why, why, why do some people use other's peoples' tragedies as their personal entertainment, fodder for their gossip? Why, why, why would this person even BE on her media other than for what is personally gained from reading the vitriol and drama my child puts on the the web? I cannot stand my own daughter's social media drama, much less others and immediately disconnect from people who behave in such a manner online. Why, why, why would anyone want to invest in that kind of sadness, chaos, spitefulness...when they aren't even personally invested in the person posting it?
    (Rant over - return to regularly scheduled program) idiot happened. Rug pulled vicariously through someone else.


    Thank you for your patience with my short temper tantrum. I have now picked myself up off the floor, pulled my thumb from my mouth, wiped off the slobber, and stood back upright. Hugs to all.
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  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Most of us have been through this. It so helped me that I was not the only one.

    For several years my neighbors turned against me, and gossiped about me. Using my son's words against me. I was the pariah. They talked about what a bad mother I was. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.

    So dumb of me to let these people get to me. There are people who gain their life's breath by feasting on the tragedies of others. End of story.
    Either because they are twisted or damaged, or suffering and sad.

    You are none of these things. We can never control anybody else.

  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    We had beautiful weather here too. Perfect. Clear, blue skies. Gentle breezes. Balmy. Not too warm. Fresh.
  4. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    What a miserable, unfulfilling meal this is but I know you are right - a perfect analogy.

    What is worse is she is hiding it under the guise of concern so people are listening to her, thinking how great it is she is so concerned and then walking away making their own judgements about me based on what she says. She doesn't even really KNOW me. GEEZ....
  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    We had beautiful weather too, a day of festivities at school before spring break. The kids were with their "buddies", younger paired with older through out the year, to encourage caring, kindness, etc.

    Well, one of our dear kindergarteners was too shy to express the need to use the bathroom and suffered an explosive "back door two step" as my Nana used to call it. Needless to say, I was confronted with a messy pile of :poop:.

    Apparently, Walrus, you were, too.

    Sorry for the stench of it, good lord, it took a while to clean up.....poor dear.

    People feed off of others misery. How sad for them.

    Good news is, we know better, and there are people out there who have got our backs.

    I guess we can both file the day's events under sh*t happens.........
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    You know, I like humanity a whole lot, but people not so much.

    I have learned to stay away as best I can from 99 percent of people. I know that makes me sound weird, but I find that people can be not very nice at all.

    I find that when I really admire somebody, and can trust them, I do. All the rest, I smile, I act gracious, they think I like them a lot. And I do--as long as I keep them at arm's length, or preferably farther.

    The thing about work is you are more or less trapped. But try to keep your dignity, your head up, and your nose down and let that person do his or her thing. Really it has not a thing in the world to do with you.

    I will never again let anybody hurt me, like I did with those neighbors. They used my son because they were envious of me and wanted to get their licks in. They were pathetic people.

    We are not.

    We can be in each other's club. Oh! We already are.

  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    What sad little people they are to feed off of someone else's life and then gossip about it. I too have wondered over the years about these types of people. I think they get a some type of ego boost from doing this.
    I too have co-workers who gossip constantly about others, it's just so sad they cannot see how ugly that type of behavior is.
    This is why I never share anything about my son with them as I don't need their tongues wagging when I have my back turned. Unfortunately with social media we have no control over what people post and how those who see those posts will respond.

    There are always going to be busy bodies who stick their nose where it does not belong and when we or our d_c's are their choice of topic we just have to rise above it.

    I have come to actually feel sorry for people who are enjoy gossiping as I think their must be such a void in their life.

    Good for you Walrus!!!
    Totally cracked me up about the thumb and slobber.:rofl:
  8. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    To make them feel better about their own, in all probability Pathetic, existence.

    Fortunately (sadly???) at my work a LOT of people have Difficult Child's so its not a huge topic at the gossip fence. I'm with Copa though. Still tend to not tell anyone but those on a need to know basis.
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2016
  9. JMom

    JMom Active Member

    :roflmao: I had a neighbor do the same thing to me under the guise of concern for my son. It was brought up by the same person in a group setting, after her knowing he relapsed (it kinda happened on the front lawn).

    I just gracefully said he's not quite figured it out just yet, but God is pursuing him and I pray often that this never happens to your child. And if you all don't mind, I'd like to take a moment to pray with you that it never happens to (insert children's names.)

    They allowed me to pray over them and they seemed genuinely touched that I reacted in love and not defeat or embarrassment.

    She's known for being nasty and using God as a weapon. I assure you, your co-worker is much the same and others see it as you do.

    Don't fall prey to gossip. Outsiders can't imagine the pain and marathon of struggles we go through. Keep your head up Walrus. We've got your back.

    :roflmao:P.S. What's her address? I kid, I kid.
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  10. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    I have been through the same with my ds and a very close family friend. During one of the most difficult times with my son, she was the first and loudest one to gossip about him and our family. She forbade her son to be near ours, and despite our very close friendship she never shared with me her concerns. She even went so far as to invite him over and tell him that if he ever needed a safe play to stay, they would welcome him into their home. I guess she had come to the conclusion that he was struggling so because of us. It was a double blow and truly crushed me and him. At a time when friendship and understanding would have been the best medicine for him, we got whispers and judgment. That is why I share with no one. I have lost trust in people and although I know its not exactly logical, it is where I now feel safe. I am sorry you experienced this "TheWalrus"
  11. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Oh the drama! I've never understood people who behave like this, other than to know they are insecure and immature. I'm with COPA...I tend to stay away from most people. I have very few friends, but the ones I have are solid. You could confront her in a polite way and ask her to please stop, but I don't know if it would do any good. I'd probably just ignore it.

    I hope you have better weather today. Yesterday was nice, but Spring is here and so are everything that blooms.
  12. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    If I weren't such a private person, perhaps it wouldn't bother me so much. I am very, very reserved at work when it comes to my personal life. That is "personal" and work is "work." I don't have friendships or confidants at work, I don't talk about others (I don't actually know or want to know about the private lives of my co-workers), and when people do talk around me, I keep it to myself. In other words, I am super big on being professional in my job. EVERYONE knows that. So for anyone to go around talking like they "know" me and my situation is absurd because I would NEVER share my personal problems at work.

    The weather was beautiful again today, but cooler. It is supposed to get chilly again over the weekend (ugh - really?) but I am hoping for another warmup next week. I love spring. It always feels like the season of possibilities.
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Look. I can feel how this would feel. Like fingernails on chalkboards.

    But the thing is this: We do not get thrown at us what we like or what we can easily handle.

    This is a challenge you will have to rise to and I have no doubt in my mind that you will.

    None of what this "person" is doing has anything to do with you. She could run naked through the street with a mask over her face of you and it still would have not a thing to do with you, would it?

    This is what she is doing, actually. The only way to get through this is to ignore her. She *I am assuming a female here, has serious boundary issues. That does not mean that you need to have them.

    There are 2 different boundary strengths or weaknesses, that I can think of right this second. One is the person she is, who makes improper incursions into other people's personal space...The other is when we do not sufficiently protect ourselves from such incursions into our personal space.

    Now, my personal limitation is the latter type (except M says I have an unfortunate tendency to stand too close to men, which he says in Latin countries is extremely ill-bred and wanton!!!) Oh well. He has learned to keep his distress at my extremely poor etiquette to himself.

    So how do we deal with it when people hurt us, intrude on us, overrun us in ways we cannot control? Because I do not see one way that you can stop somebody like this from doing what she does--and I believe she would only escalate if you spoke to her.

    Look at Obama. Like him or not, famous people have to find a way to tolerate all manner of disrespect, derision, disparagement, even demonization, against themselves and even their kids!!!

    Look on the bright side. At least it is not in the newspapers or on TV!!
    Look. Anybody who works along side of you knows this.

    But the thing is, you cannot control whether they listen either. There may be people in the workplace who are not in love with us. They will find their ways to try to take us down. That is just the reality of things.

    I see the solution inside of you. In your attitude and expectations. And where you put your personal boundaries. You define you. Nobody else does. Either you believe that or you do not.

  14. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Oh. I forgot to share about the climate today. Another absolutely gorgeous day. Perfect. Clear. Balmy. Fresh. Blue.

    Walrus, where you live is it hot and muggy when summer does come?

    Where I live we have hot and dry summers. It has been up to 115. We live in an irrigated desert. It is one of my least preferred climates but I have grown to see that climate is one of the least important criteria to me. (And I grew up with what I consider the world's best climate.) I can adjust.

    Both where I live now and where I grew up are Mediterranean climates, one on top of the sea, the other inland.

  15. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    Summers vary here - often hot and humid, but we occasionally have a dry summer if we have had drought conditions. It depends a lot on the type/length of winter and spring we have had. But maybe only I can tell when it is dry because I have lived here my whole life. Most people who aren't from here say it is humid no matter what. LOL

    It was sunny and beautiful today, but cooler. We are expecting a temporary cold front over the weekend (yuck) and then back to some beautiful, true spring weather. I love those open window days when no H/A is needed - I got three days of that this week. I'll be glad when the heat can stay off for good!

    This literally made me laugh out loud. Every time I hear some "concern" I won't be able to help but think, "Damn nudists at it again!" What a great analogy!