I'm sure everyone has them. I'm not talking about morals we learn necessarily as a society or what we expect out of others. I'm talking personal morals we've come up with that we live by. I have several. They don't always match up with what society believes is "moral". I don't care. lol Sometimes I'm much stricter about what I perceive as right and wrong than is society. Sometimes I'm not. I'm in a delimma thanks to husband. Thanks to his behavior it seems locked in stone that I will be breaking one of my moral codes, one that I happen to feel is extremely important.....well, probably a couple more while we're at it. I'm not religious. I follow no religious group. However I do take a vow quite seriously. To me a vow is sacred, regardless of what it is. And there really is no good reason for breaking one. Which is why I think one should never vow anything unless they're prepared to devote their live to it, regardless of the good and bad concequences. This is one of my person morals. husband is pushing it to the limit. I don't think he is aware of how close to the edge he truly is. At the moment he has his car in pieces in my driveway. I made him go buy the fan belts he needed so that sister in law could replace them. He got POed because I refused to call sister in law to ask him if he could do it. (sister in law says it will take him about 15 mins) husband supposedly called sister in law to ask. (I have my doubts) sister in law told him he could get to it at the end of the week. husband blew a gasket at me. I told him I've been telling him to get the belts and ask sister in law to fix it for weeks. sister in law has a life too and can't always just drop everything and come to husband's rescue. (sister in law does it for ME not husband to begin with) husband then tells me he will have to drive my car to work. To which I replied oh, no he wouldn't. I need that car for school, thankyouverymuch. He blew yet another gasket. Next thing I know his car is in pieces and he is attempting to "fix" it himself. Based on past performance this could take 2 years. This is husband's passive aggressive way to prevent me from going to school. If he kills his car, he has to use mine, leaving me with no transportation, thus no school. Now I dunno if I've just reached my limit with husband's bs or what. But I could care less whether he goes to work or not. He is NOT using my car. I waited 20 plus years for that damn car, be a cold day in hades if I'm going to let him drive it to work and tear it up too. If he loses his job I'll be moving in with easy child and sister in law. It's awful I suppose. But I'm just using husband at this point in our "marriage". He owes me for 26 yrs of hades. If I can tolerate living here and he can keep his job until I graduate next summer then I will. It's the least the man can do after all he's put me thru. But if he loses this job.........and I expect him to soon.........then I'm done. There is a part of me that wants a divorce. But that is breaking that vow I made. I have no qualms about it religiously and could care less what anyone else thinks about it. It's ME I'm having the issue with. Although I know that I have no desire to spend the rest of my life with this man. But if I got a divorce I dunno if I could live with myself. Now I will put in here that husband and I divorce once before back when easy child was 3 and Travis was 1. The divorce had nothing to do with husband and I, but with protecting easy child. It's complicated and long. But husband and I were divorced for less than 6 months although we were seperated a year. Once the circumstances that had caused the divorce to take place was resolved, husband and I remarried. I used to really kick myself for this decision. But I don't anymore. I realize that at the time I still very much loved him and thanks to my own moral code I'd have done it no matter what. I suppose I could just get a legal seperation. But I don't know how much protection that actually gives me. Is it basically the same as divorce except that you can't remarry? I could live with a legal seperation. I wouldn't be breaking that vow, and yet I also wouldn't have to live with husband and put up with his behavior. But I don't want husband going on doing like he's currently doing with money and bills and me getting caught having to pay for them. A personal code of conduct is an important thing for a person to have. But dang it all to hades sometimes it makes life awfully complicated. Hmmmmmmm. I don't have one against killing a person. I figured there might be a situation someday where I had no choice. I wonder if I could just spork him to death.