nikiani
New Member
I am new here and seriously need some help with our 12 year old son...I will try to keep it short and sweet. I just see so many parents and people out here who seem to be dealing with a lot of the same issues if not more serious. I may lose my mind soon though! We are so very concerned about our 12 year old son Ian. Ian is in therapy and while he can't be diagnosed until he is 18, he is showing and has been for years, clear signs of antisocial personality disorder (fits almost every sign possible at his age) and oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) along with Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) I am not Ians biological mother but have raised him since he was 4. His mother is not in the picture but has serious personality issues ie: mood disorders, bipolar,etc. Ians bio mom was ordered to have supervised visits years ago and while her parents agreed to do that, they only agreed for a very short amount of time until they thought it was best that she had no contact with Ian either. While we thought everything was okay on that end, Ian's father and I believe that while spending time with the bio moms parents, Ians uncle who is only a couple years older, may have been sexually abusing Ian in some way. We have never been able to get anywhere with this....and aren't sure how to pursue it but have made his therapist aware of it. Ians father and I have 2 additional children now. 17 months old & 5 weeks old. We are seriously worried about him even being around the little girls alone & I am truly scared that he is going to hurt one of them or myself....intentional or unintentional. He has no empathy for anyone and is a verbal bully to everyone. He doesn't care who he hurts as long as in his mind he believes it will somehow benefit him. He is a master manipulator and liar. He has been kicked off the bus and had 20 infractions in school within the last 2 months. His father and I are dreading the upcoming summer vacation as we have no clue what to do with him all summer. We have tried so much with this child and are at our wits end.. I only say the diagnosis can't be made until he's 18 because from what I've been told by various people is that it's only classified as "conduct disorder" until he is an adult. I am unable to adopt Ian due to the fact that his mother refuses to sign her rights away and in the last 2 years has decided that she would like to play mom again. We have been in and out of court with that and Ian wants nothing to do with her. The court also agrees that any contact with the bio mom would be harmful to Ian. I would adopt him if I was able to! Ian's father does and always has worked full time and I am a stay at home mom. The problems with Ian started off many years ago and are rapidly progressing to a very disturbing state. We have tried so very many things with him. Private school, home school, school with a licensed teacher one on one...etc. I finally had to put him in public school this spring because I was having so many Braxton Hicks contractions trying to deal with Ian on a day to day basis and my doctor was very concerned about an early delivery because of stress. He was kicked off of the bus after many inappropriate comments to younger children in reference to his private parts. He also told the bus driver that the Bible gave him an excuse to use foul language. He has also been telling students and teachers at school some very disturbing things like " I can't turn in my homework because I had to stay up all nite watching my 2 sisters because my parents refuse to watch them". The newest one is that "my mom and dad beat me with steel rods" And he is banned from a field trip tomorrow due to his infractions but he told the class that it was my fault because I didn't turn in his permission slip. He refuses to take responsibility for anything and continually tries to lie his way thru life. We have a very structured and loving home and Ian was not raised this way...it's beyond frustrating! While I was pregnant, he purposely put a bunch of coconut oil in the bathtub after being told not to touch it and why....I didn't know he did and got into the shower and completely wiped out . He showed no emotions over this ....being that I was hurt and the baby could have seriously been hurt too. We also found out that Ian took an inappropriate DVD and condom to school and was showing it off. He also was bullying a 4th grader into giving him the childs IPOD daily and bringing Ian sodas to keep in his locker every day. Just to give you a small glimpse into our daily life...I thank you for your continued prayers and am open to any suggestions you might have! God Bless