Posting article on parent abuse by grown children in here too. Sad.Parenting: Separat

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MidwestMom, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Parenting: Separating from an Adult Child Who is Abusive

    Boy, 35 is the second two abusive adult children, as described below in the article::

    Most parents want to believe our children could never do anything to us that would warrant putting them out of their life. Oh, if this were only true. Experiencing emotional, mental, or physical pain is hard for anyone. However, when it's your grown children that are inflicting it on you, it's even harder to make the decision that they cannot be in your life anymore, either temporarily or for good. I thought we could explore some of the reasons that do warrant a parent saying, "Enough is Enough" and ordering their grown children out of their lives. Most people are pretty familiar with all the press courage, and TV specials just how devastating it can be when kids are on drugs. There is no such thing as family when drugs are involved. The only thing the addict cares about is getting the drugs, and using them. Many times it doesn't matter what they have to so to get the money to pay for them. So many family members of drug addicts have nee through the agony of their children stealing form them, whether it be money, jewelry, family heirlooms, as long as it can be used to obtain their drugs. Many families suffer for years with this type of behavior. Some eventually, put their foot down and say No more. Too many just keep trying to help the addict. Well, you can't help the addict they have to help themselves. I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for them to be enlightened. You may suffocate to death while your waiting. This is a definite situation when parents must let the addict go, never to return until their clean and sober. If parents don't, they may end up the casualty, instead of the addict.
    Sometimes because of mental or emotional problems, grown children can inflict a great deal of pain onto their parents. Don't be fooled they can be just as devastating the addict. The only thing that's different is their type of child is addicted to inflicting emotional or mental pain on their parents through mind games, degradation, neglect, manipulation, verbal abuse, and blaming. As far as their child is concerned it is the parents fault for every lousy thing the ever happened to them. This type of child insidious with the amount of pain he inflicts. Often times you can spot the parents a mile away, they feel guilty about everything, and take full responsibility of why their precious little child didn't turn out right. Oh boy, does this child take advantage of that. There comes a time when the parents have to say enough, and let this child know he's on his own, and only welcomed back after he has taken responsibility for their life, and can treat family members as they should be treated.
    Last but not least is the rage-aholic, This grown child uses intimidation, screaming, cursing, and often times physical abuse to get what he wants from his parents. The parents are so scared they are afraid to do anything. As in any type of abusive relationship, this must stop, sooner than later. Again these types of parents usually take responsibility for their child's behavior as well. After all in their mind if they were only better parents their wonder child wouldn't be so angry. These types of parent's need to wake, get a restraining order and Not allow their grown child anywhere near them until proof of serious counseling regarding anger management has been done, and the counselor has the opinion this person is now safe to be around. They must never take the word of the abuser that they are okay. Most abusers are also very manipulative as well. Even with the okay be the counselor, it is not a given that everything will be fine. These types of parents need to take a strong stand for how ever long it takes the abuser to be well. Unfortunately, it may not be soon, or ever. The family member's safety is the number one consideration in this situation, Not how much you will miss the abuser, or that maybe in some way you have betrayed your own flesh and blood.
    Thinking about separating form a grown child is probably one of the hardest thing a parent would ever have to decide when it comes to their children. However, you know what they say, No One Ever Said Life is Fair. The most important thing to always remember is, that NO One no matter what title they may have in your life, child, parent, brother, sister, mother, father, or whomever, NO One has the right to abuse you in any way, and you ALWAYS have the right to protect yourself, even if that means saying goodbye to your child!

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  2. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Thanks for posting, MWM. I needed to be reminded of this, today.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Apparently, Parent abuse by children is coming out of the closet.
  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Abuser number two sounds very familiar to me as well! It's almost worse than the others because at least drug addicts and alcoholic have something that can be taken away to ease the situation. At least you can say it was the drugs or alcohol talking. Our kids issue is all in their head and therefore there is no outside element that can be limited.

    Sending hugs :)