wife and I have a potential confrontation coming up real soon. This morning, in fact. Or I should say a continuation of a confrontation, unless dtr had a change of heart over night. Dtr has a day pass for court session. It's a hearing to revoke court supervision due to her default on a DUI fine payment plan. She can pay the whole fine up front and put this chapter behind her, and get on with her recovery, if she so chooses. You see, she got a sizable tax refund/earned income credit payment. She qualifies for the EIC even though her dtr is not her dependent (because wife and I are raising her dtr). I filed the return for her but only on the condition that the money be deposited in a separate account which she can't access except through me. It is understood that no one will touch the money except to give her reasonable and necessary expenses for her recovery, i.e. $30 a week for sundries; rent, food, and bus fare at a sober house for the first couple of weeks; and, of course, the fine. She agreed to this so the money is still there. Well, she comes out on the phone to wife tonight and says she's going to tell them tomorrow that she can't pay the fine. She wants to tell them "I'm broke, but look, I'm getting help now" and rely on that to smooth her path and get the judge to agree to a new payment plan. Oh and she wants $100 because she "needs some stuff": a quick clothes shopping spree after court, she means. wife said hold it right there, you have to tell them you have the money, or else you're lying. Dtr comes back, "it's my money and I can't spend it on a fine, I need it for recovery." In her mind I guess that makes it not a lie any more. wife tried to say, it's pay now or pay later so why not pay now when you have it instead of leaving it for later and likely coming up short. But dtr had already closed up and simply refused to listen and kept repeating "It's my money." wife got off the phone and asked, "What can we do? It is her money, she's an adult, if she wants it we can't hold it back." I said, "No, but I can tell her that if she lies to the judge you are going to tell him that she's lying." (wife will be in court this morning but I can't; I've already burned too much personal leave time on difficult child this year.) wife said, "What if she wants to take her money and run?" I said, "We can't let fear of what she might do dictate what we do." wife agreed with me. So when I get dtr from treatment to put her on the train to meet wife for court, I'm going to tell her that if she lies to the judge then a) they will find out because her tax refund is public record and b) anyway, wife is going to tell on her. If shes says "then give me my money, I'm not paying", I'll tell her she has to go see wife because I don't have the debit card for the account, wife does. Actually wife can't withdraw it all either without going to a teller, even with the card. If she tells wife the same thing, then wife will give her what she can withdraw at an ATM and tell her that she won't be getting any help later when she possibly (probably) hasn't paid, doesn't have the money any more, and is facing jail. Dtr has to make the decision whether to pay that fine or not, and will have to face the consequences, whatever she decides. Hopefully that will be to pay the fine. If we tried to hold back her refund to force her to pay then we would be in the wrong, and if she doesn't do the right thing of her own free will then she's not really in recovery at all. Am I wrong to have sequestered that account even though she agreed to this arrangement? Should I have simply had the funds go directly to her since she is an adult? Or should I have told her she was responsible for her taxes and allowed her to succeed or fail on her own? The latter, I guess, but she is doing everything she's supposed to so far and I hate to give her extra opportunities to fail, as it were.