difficult child had a stomach ache and headache all day yesterday. He was hot but didn't have a fever. He was fine enough to ask me to make a homemade rice crust pizza and eat the whole thing, but when it came to actually leaving for the psychiatrist appointment he balked and said he was going to throw up. I told him he would have to throw up in my car, and that I would give him my arm and he could lean on me. I gave us 1/2 hr for a 15 min. drive ... barely made it. The only reason he got off the couch and got into the car was because I picked up the ph and threatened to called a neighbor to carry him to the car. difficult child pulled out all the stops on the way there. I was already stressed because of what he'd done, but having him berate me and scream at me the whole way really grated on my nerves. I never lost my cool. Warrior Mom! He told me I had no respect for him because he was sick and you don't drag sick people around in a car to appts., and that since we didn't love, like or respect one another, he should move out with-dad and I should move out with-easy child. On and on. husband was already waiting at the psychiatrist ofc. I gave him the bag with-the goodies. He went out to the car and persuaded difficult child to come in, on the premise that it would be a "guy talk." No Mom in the appointment. rm. I was not surprised. I wanted to make sure they covered the concept that sexual feelings are good, but that crossing other people's boundaries is not good. It took an entire hr. By that time, I had read the dr's new book [ame="http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Explosive-Child-Trying/dp/0618700811/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218708316&sr=1-1"]Amazon.com: What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions: Douglas A. Riley: Books[/ame], and he gave an excellent description of the differences between anxiety explosions and oppositional explosions. (As luck would have it, my difficult child does both. ) I was able to see that difficult child's behavior in the car that day was driven by anxiety. (It still wore me out.) At 7 p.m. they called me in. They said they spent most of the time doing "guy talk" and that difficult child is going through a phase where he is distancing me but it's normal developmental stuff, just exaggerated because difficult child is a difficult child. The dr said that he will come back around by the time he's 16 or 17. That was good to know, because in the car I was wondering about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), since difficult child was doing all he could to tell me he was unlovable and he hated me too, so why not live apart? But that was just primarily a manifestation of his anxiety. The dr said there were some good sexually instructive, age appropriate books at B&N we could get for difficult child, and I told husband that he could do that, as well as buy appropriate underwear for difficult child so he could have the same physical sensations with-o getting caught in the locker rm and have someone make fun of him (or beat him up). I told them I had tried that a few mo's ago but I guess it didn't work because I'm just the mom, and difficult child said no, it was because they didn't fit. (He never told me that.) At any rate, I can only hope that is resolved to the extent it can be. He insisted he would never go into a complete stranger's house and he only went into S's house because he knew them. I told him he could be shot and killed ... he's getting as tall as an adult and someone else might not recognize him. He of course thought that was ridiculous but I had to express it to him in no uncertain terms. The dr wanted to know if there was anything else I wanted to cover, and I asked what we should do with-the panties. difficult child said "What do you want to do?" He was still mad at me and curled his lip while he spoke, and had that mean look in his eye. I told him I really wanted to return them but since I don't know where they came from, I don't have to information to do that, so I would just like them to go away. Dr. suggested he get a trash bag and difficult child load everything into it and throw it into the ofc trash outside, and difficult child was amenable to that. Sort of a ceremony. A type of closure. I liked that part. Meanwhile, everything had gotten to me, and I sensed that husband and psychiatrist were just chalking it up to "a guy thing," and I lost it. I mean, I started to cry and told the dr that with-all due respect, I thought that there was something else wrong with-difficult child and we were missing it. I wanted to take him for extensive testing. husband jumped all over that and told me I was just looking for the Flavor of the Week and it wouldn't resolve anything. I told him that I was exhausted from dealing with-one thing after another and not getting to the root of the problem. I thought difficult child may have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and/or Asperger's. psychiatrist said that the problem is that difficult child had an intellect that is average and a maturity level that is way below average, and that while he showed signs and similiarities to Asperger's, he would never "make it" on a test. He will fall though; he's right on the cusp. So we have to call this a vague "Something" that he has and deal with-the behaviors. husband asked what I would do differently if difficult child was diagnosis'd an aspie, and I said, "Teach him and teach him and teach him." psychiatrist agreed wholeheartedly and said he needs to work on social skills and social stories. He said he disagrees that difficult child has a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) because the P means Pervasive, as in, never gets better. Over the yrs, it's clear that difficult child has made huge improvements. He's just very delalyed and very slow. But he has done it. I agree. psychiatrist also conceded that while he had no idea of the scientific explanation, and he hated to bring adoption into it (preferring to deal with-behavior in the here and now) he had to admit that he had seen an overwhelming amt of people whose adopted kids' issues were exaggerated on both ends of the spectrum. It was too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence. So again, there's that "something" with-no name. But he wanted to acknowledge it. So I told them that the next half doz appts. could be difficult child and husband alone together. I'm pretty useless at this point, partly because Mom isn't relevant at this stage of difficult child's development, and partly because I just can't do this anymore. Meanwhile, difficult child was pacing back and forth in the pkng lot--I could see him through the window. We spent an hr past our time. I knew it would be longer but I never dreamed I'd be the one to make us go so far over our time limit. Our plan is for difficult child to earn back his trust from us. That means strict supervision. No playing at anyone's house for now. Playing outside is okay but he has to physically check in and come home to tell me what he's doing. That also means that I am burdened with-never being able to go out to lunch, etc. or take a spontaneous walk, because husband leaves his ofc during the lunch hr. to go to the gym. My plan is to drop off difficult child anyway and let husband worry about it. He's never lost one bit of sleep over my having to schedule my day. by the way, one of my main clients (I painted the ceiling of her sun room, and am now painting the tiles for her entire kitchen) called in tears yesterday because her contractor fell through and they prepaid $80,000, so I gave her the name of my lawyer. Another friend, for whom I was supposed to dog sit, is not taking his daughter to college in PA because they got into an argument, so he's staying home with-the dog. husband is driving to Difficult Child for a conference so I will be alone with-difficult child for the next 3 days. Still, I couldn't seem to hold it in, couldn't stop crying, and I told them that I was wiped out and didn't think I had to strength to cope anymore. This summer it was lighting fires. Then it was stealing panties from camp. Then it was taking the neighbor's Ipod. Then it was getting caught in the neighbor's closet. I said next wk it will be something else. It's like killing ants one by one instead of spraying the anthill. (Sorry for the crummy analogy.) I'm thinking that having difficult child live with-husband isn't such a bad idea. In the meantime, I'm going to fly up to MN to help out with-my dad, who has Alzheimer's. At least I know what I'm doing up there.