Raising Grandchildren...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Old-hand, Mar 25, 2017.

  1. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    First off, just want to say hello to everyone and tell you what a fun place this has been so far! Lovin' it!

    Hand up in the air if you helped raise or like me, 100% raised grandchildren. I'm no longer overseeing the 24 care and raising of two of my grandkids, but thought it would be a good introductory topic for me to present as a newbie.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi old-hand. Welcome.

    When you have time why not tell us how you came to have your grandkids and the circumstances of their leaving your care....
  3. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Okay, coming at you.

    My oldest daughter suffered a failed marriage, and at the time her children were just little babies, and between the failed marriage and two demanding children, I stepped-in and started helping where I could, but within a short period of time, daughter, suffered a breakdown, so I stepped-in as fulltime caregiver, taking both children into my home and raising them.

    Through counselling, close family and friends, and a lots of love from everyone, daughter, made a slow but steady recovery and though she would have been more than ready to accept her kids back, grandma was enjoying having little ones in my house again (fulltime), so I downplayed the need for me to give the kids up and continued on my second try at motherhood.

    To date, daughter is fully recovered, happy and content, and on a new road to full-filling her life's ambitions and dreams.
  4. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    We are raising 3 year old grandson. Daughter decided drinking and partying were her priorities, not being a parent. "Father" is only in the picture to cause problems. (No support, no job, just got out of jail, wife has restraining order against him because he came over and threatened to break our windows). We are in the process of applying for guardianship. We hired a lawyer and are waiting for a hearing. Grandson has lived with us since birth and is doing great.
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  5. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Just want to say how happy I am to know there are others out there like me who aren't afraid to step-up to the plate and take charge. Kudos to you for that. It's never easy, but when you know alternative options aren't in the best interests of the child or children in question, it's easy to remind yourself that you're doing the right thing.
  6. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Old-hand, there are some others. My guess is that they haven't seen your post yet.
  7. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Good morning to you, Pigless in VA! I think the timing of my post could have been better... falling on a weekend and all, but I'm hoping the same as you, and maybe the start of the week will bring a few others visiting. :)
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    OH. I am sorry your daughter suffered and so glad she is recovering and thriving.

    How many years did you have the kids, how old are they and where are they now? Do they live close to you?
  9. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Yep, raising two. One easy 8 year-old girl (fully recognizing that it could change any minute) and one very difficult 10 year old (explanation in my signature). It's exhausting. I want to retire but can't because I can't afford to. Retired husband would like to not have kids all the time so we could maybe go on a vacation (it's been years). I'm finally on the verge of considering retirement next year but will have to cash out and move because the cost of living is so high here. We can buy a lovely home for cash elsewhere, but have to consider where the kids will have good schools, and good special education. I did not see this coming. My daughter will never be able to take these kids on. Her ex is remarried to a woman who came into the marriage with three kids of her own (all different fathers, never married any of them) and then had one more with the ex, who is now almost 3. She has no desire to have anything to do with my grandkids--her husband's children. And she flat out refuses to even been in the same room or care for my grandson in any way. They just moved two thousand miles away, has called twice since December, and only pays $500 per month for both kids, and has only been doing that for less than a year. And he's increasingly late with it.

    There are good things, too, because we love them so much and want them to have some kind of a childhood. But I'm not going to lie: it's been hard for us. And my husband is so resentful of my daughter (his step-daughter since 1981 when she was 5 years old) because of the increasingly bad choices she's making with men, jobs, and on and on. I'm there, too. Fed up to the point where it's hard to even be polite to her sometimes.
  10. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Is it ever a lot of work, and speaking for myself, unlike when I were younger, I wasn't able to roll with the punches like I used to when I first got the GC. There was a huge conditioning curve I went through.

    I impressed upon both of my daughters starting at a young age, behave yourselves and stay on the right side of the fence, but no matter how much you remind them, people live by the roll of their own hand, and just like dice, where they stop, nobody knows.

    I wish we had been more financially able (as yourself) to weather the storm, but all-in-all things went well and as with my own children when they were younger, I ensured I was the doting mother to them, always fussing over this and that like any grandma does.

    It's so disheartening to know how disposable everything has become Re: life nowadays, kids included. I sometimes get a sense that nothing means nothing in our world today, especially when it comes to today's growing generation. There seems to be little thought process as to getting married, having kids, then throwing the towel in when things don't go just right.

    I am so grateful for those like ourselves who were able to step-in and carry the load. I feel proud right now being a part of this discussion.

    Sending hugs to everyone here!
  11. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    I had the children for the better part of two years (fulltime). Oldest GS is just shy of 13 now, and younger GD just turned 11. Thankfully, everyone lives close, and compared to when everything was unfolding at the time I had the kids, daughter and I have made great strides in becoming closer.
  12. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, Oh!

    Just wanted to say how happy I am that you have joined us!

    I love how you jumped right in and already started helping, as well as participating o the fun threads.

    We are glad to have you.

    Stay with us.

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  13. Pink Elephant

    Pink Elephant Well-Known Member

    Oh, wow, you are so sweet! Thank you so much for that! :) You just made my day!