S
Signorina
Guest
I had a bad night. H has been sick - so I am sleeping in the guest room and staying far away from him - so that may have added to it.
I miss my kid. I am sick over the mess he is making out of his life. My life right now does not resemble anything I wanted. I worked so hard at raising my kids to be good, loving, strong, educated, FAMILY men and I thought that I had some sort of guarantee. I understand that kids get out of our control and we have to let them go - and hey - if he wanted to be a musician instead of a chemist - no problem. But this is different. I can't look past his behavior and have him in my life. There is nothing I can do to bring him home or get him help.
On a practical and intellectual level - I understand that life is what you make of it and happiness is a choice. I also understand the theory behind and necessity of detaching. And I agree with it wholeheartedly but he is my CHILD - not my lover or my sibling or my parent or my friend. There will always be a great big hole in my heart. And while all signs are pointing to the the need to walk away (and I get that on a practical level); I will always be looking back because that is the nature of a parent & child relationship.
So do you learn to accept that the ache is the new normal? Does it get better? I am not sitting around crying all day - but the tears are always close and each day has moments of sadness. And even the moments of happiness are less happy because of the ache in my heart. And I don't want to get used to the ache - I want it to go away.
And I hate it. But I feel like the only thing that could make it better is my son getting his act together. And that is out of my hands and it makes me so so sad that there is NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE THIS.
except detach. and I am doing my best. and I know meetings may help me find the answer but they are not prevalent in my area. So point taken about meetings - but I'd also love some other tips or insights or coping skills.
Please know I am not a basket case - just a bit sad and frustrated
I miss my kid. I am sick over the mess he is making out of his life. My life right now does not resemble anything I wanted. I worked so hard at raising my kids to be good, loving, strong, educated, FAMILY men and I thought that I had some sort of guarantee. I understand that kids get out of our control and we have to let them go - and hey - if he wanted to be a musician instead of a chemist - no problem. But this is different. I can't look past his behavior and have him in my life. There is nothing I can do to bring him home or get him help.
On a practical and intellectual level - I understand that life is what you make of it and happiness is a choice. I also understand the theory behind and necessity of detaching. And I agree with it wholeheartedly but he is my CHILD - not my lover or my sibling or my parent or my friend. There will always be a great big hole in my heart. And while all signs are pointing to the the need to walk away (and I get that on a practical level); I will always be looking back because that is the nature of a parent & child relationship.
So do you learn to accept that the ache is the new normal? Does it get better? I am not sitting around crying all day - but the tears are always close and each day has moments of sadness. And even the moments of happiness are less happy because of the ache in my heart. And I don't want to get used to the ache - I want it to go away.
And I hate it. But I feel like the only thing that could make it better is my son getting his act together. And that is out of my hands and it makes me so so sad that there is NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE THIS.
except detach. and I am doing my best. and I know meetings may help me find the answer but they are not prevalent in my area. So point taken about meetings - but I'd also love some other tips or insights or coping skills.
Please know I am not a basket case - just a bit sad and frustrated