Read before you disinherit your children

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by peppermint, Mar 18, 2018.

  1. peppermint

    peppermint New Member

    Father and mother were married 29 years and divorced decades ago because he was having an affair. Woman was 30+ years younger than him and became pregnant so mother filed for divorce. He married pregnant woman and had 2 more kids with her. He elected to move over 200 miles away and raised his new family there.

    Fast forward 28 years later and all kids are now adults. He and second wife divorce. He dies and disinherits me, my two siblings and his 5 grandchildren but left an estate worth several million dollars to the 3 half siblings who are all single. Before anyone says it was father's money to do as he pleased, I understand that so please do not bash me.

    However, this final move of his was spiteful and hateful; it is like a slap in the face, a rejection from the grave that has caused much anger and hurt. Have to give him credit that he acknowledged our existence in the trust, before electing to leave nothing to any of us. My 2 siblings and their families spent time with him every holiday, my children sent him cards, letters & pictures several times a year so we did try to keep a relationship with him and his family. Apparently, it was meaningless to him.

    Everyone, for whatever reason you elect to disinherit your adult children, please reconsider. It is hurtful and leaves the disinherited adult children with questions that can never be answered and pain that feels like it can never be resolved. Sadly, father's desire to have the last word from the grave is what my children and I will remember of him. The legacy he left is not one which his oldest children and grandchildren will fondly remember.

    *I am not saying to leave anything to family members who are abusive, drug/alcohol addicts, or all around not nice people. I am talking about family members who are decent, respectful, upstanding church going, tax paying citizens. *
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My mom disinherited me and only me. She never liked me, even when I was little. It caused me, along with other issues, to be distant from all of my family. It was my mother's money and she didn't have that much and I don't dispute her right to give it to anyone she chose to. But singling out one or certain children makes it hard for the left out person to ever really feel the same toward the others. It is such an overwhelmingly hurtful thing to dodthat it can not be forgotten. My sibs never even offered me a chance to have one momento. I resented that and it hurt me again.

    My dear Dad passed last August and he loved me and I so appreciate it. He divided his money equally to all of us. Bless his heart.

    After the Estate is out of probate and dispersed I think it is best for me to never talk to either sibling again.They are all that is left of my family of origin. My brother is nice but he is close to my sister who is a real headcase who abused me ALL my adult life. I want to be rid of her for the rest of this life. It is therefore best not to be friendly with either, although I think my brother considers me the black sheep too. Everyone did.

    My awesome husband and precious kids and my husbands small family love me. I so appreciate that. They are kind. They treat me as worthy. They are enough for me.

    Anyone who plays one kid against the other will cause permanant family rifts. If you didinherit a child, this is what you cause. But this is what my mentally I'll mother wanted. So I guess she got her way.

    But I feel I won in the end, if there is a prize. I have a very loving close family of choice. My sister is alone and miserable and has severe intimacy issues. My brother, for whatever reason, never married. I am the only one who received extreme romantic love that is still there 23 years later.

    Karma is a biotch.

    Hon...I know your pain. You are hardly the only one hurt this way. I don't know if it helps to hear another story.

    Blessings, love and light.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2018