I guess I'm just thinking out loud here. I'm trying to place in time, when my body leaped forward in age, but my mind didn't. I think all of this has come about because of my phone call with my mom. I was a late child for them, and so my parents are always older than say my peers parents. They've always had a greater maturity, and they've always were at a different level then my friends parents. Like my parents had already faced the ring of fire, and had survived it and moved on, but my frineds parents didn't even know there was a ring of fire to go through. It's just always been different for me, due to my parents age. You always read about parents coming to live with the children when they get older, medical issues etc. But until this weekend it was always an article in the paper. Well speaking with mom this weekend I find out that she's going in for sometype of heart artury surgery after Easter. She sounded so frail for the first time, to me. In that conversation I became 40, not 20, not 30 like my mind and tastes say....but 40 with all the things of aging parents who are in their 80's. The reality of morality, of feableness, of losing them, etc. As independent as I am, and as emotionally cold I am to things around me, I find that the reality of my age and the reality of my parents aging was a shock to me. Through everything they have been the only constant for me throughout my life. I guess I have taken that for granted that they will always be there, like they'll be 100+ when I'm old and grey and that we all would just die together. I just find it weird (in a way) that our minds seem not to age like our bodies, that you hold a image in your head and it doesn't age. It's always frozen in time, until something changes it. The same is true with us. One day you look in the mirror and don't recognize the image looking back at you. Maybe it's cuz we're so involved in our difficult child's and other children. Maybe it's our careers, i don't know. I just know that this weekend I find myself 40 with parents who are in their 80's with the problems that come with that.....I'm just in awe. And one day, I will find myself without them, and that truly scares me. And that day will come. In one day, or 15 yrs. But one day, I will be alone. I've never thought about that, unil now.