Really struggling - need support

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by flutterby, Dec 5, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Things with my son (I don't think I can call him easy child right now) have gone from bad to worse. He's cold and distant. I've been excluded from his life. And it's hit me like a tidal wave this week. I've been burying it and it's come up, and I feel like I can't breathe and there is this heaviness in my chest. I'm throwing up and fighting tears.

    At the same time I'm angry. I don't deserve this.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is this your 19yo that does not live at home? How does he exclude you?
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *HUGS* and hang in there.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to say, Heather. Offering all the support I can.
  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Nobody can quite break your heart like your kids. I am so sorry. What is he doing to exclude you? Sometimes you just have to give them the space they need to figure things ou t (my mom and dad - God rest their souls - would attest to the wisdom of this). Hang in there. He loves you.

  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I too am sorry you are going through this. I do know that often young men, have to break away from their mothers sometimes to find themselves. It is a part of them becoming independent. The reality is they don't think of us as often or the way we think of them. It can certainly be painful when they break away... especially when it is compounding pain from other difficult children. However I think they usually come back. Hang in there.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    One day it will suddenly occur to him that you didn't deserve how he treated you. But right now he still has dear grandma messing with his head.

    You don't deserve in the slightest to be treated the way he's treating you. He's not being a easy child right now, he's being a full blown difficult child pain in the **** spoiled brat. (I'm being kind as regardless of any baloney your mom has been feeding him he has eyes and ears and a brain and knows better.........he is chosing not to know better and it really ticks me off)

    I'm so sorry Heather. Having this crud going on at this time of year just seems to rub it in your face.
  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Gentle hugs and a shoulder to cry on. Hound is right. You DO NOT deserve this, and this is a very bad time of year to be going through this. He has found a "sugar gma" and is playing that to the hilt.
  9. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    It can take kids awhile to figure out that the judgmental attitudes they've taken towards parents who loved and nurtured them are just wrong. Once life kicks them around a bit,
    and they realize that very few things are black and white - they put things together and, hopefully, look for reconciliation. But while it's happening it's painful in the
    worst way to be the one on the receiving end of the coldness or condemnation. You don't deserve this treatment, but be sure the love you put into your son's life will help him toward a more mature, compassionate view. Sending warm thoughts and hugs.
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I cannot say it any better than these wonderful ladies have. (((HUGS)))
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How's it going, girl?
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Thinking of you...
  13. Bean

    Bean Member

    I feel for you. I am sorry you're going through this. The relationship that exists with difficult children is so against the grain from what (I think) is "normal" - it just doesn't feel right.

  14. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Just want to let you know I'm thinking of you... So sorry your easy child is acting like such a difficult child!!! While my situation is different, my easy child has turned into a difficult child too. At the moment, it seems like she hates me. She definitely doesn't want me to be involved in any part of her life. I know how much this hurts!!!

    Hoping your son becomes a easy child again soon... Hugs... SFR
  15. A dear friend of mine has comforted us by sharing that many people she knows through a self-help support group have shared that they sincerely regret that as young adults the "only way" they knew to step out of the role of child was to do it in a horrible manner similar in fashion to our gifts from God.

    I personally take comfort in the hope that "one day" our difficult child's may realize what total and complete schmucks they are being.

    My brother has asked me "what if they never 'get it'?" He encouraged me that MY happiness doesn't need to come from other people.

    Winter "family" holidays suck when the difficult child's are being rotten... but not totally... there's many wonderful festive truly joyous moments throughout the holiday season. We try to take a deep breath and give thanks for every speck of beauty we can find!

    We're focusing on the beautiful... yet when the tears come... and they do, we let them... we're grateful for the listening ears and soft shoulders that carry us through the moment. When they are lacking, I am SOOOOOOO grateful for these boards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm glad you're here... I'm glad you're reaching out. I'm praying for you. Please know you are not alone!!!!! When you find the little sparks of beauty...along the way, allow them to lift your heart... even if it's just a little bit. Take a deep breath, and enjoy!

    Meanwhile I continue to hold out hope... I'm trying not to put a time limit on my difficult child-s... I continue to hope... "one day... some day... they may get it!"
  16. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Thank you, all, for your support. I'm sorry I haven't been back to this thread sooner. With everything else going on, it's just not something I can deal with right now, Know what I mean?? If I start to think about it I feel sick and despondent, and I just can't do that right now. I have a 15 year old difficult child near (at) crisis that needs me and, as horrible as it sounds, I've had to put my son out of my mind right now. He's safe, sound, and healthy. I'll deal with the other stuff later.
  17. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    in my humble opinion, it doesn't sound horrible at all!!! Your son is safe. Your daughter needs you. You need to take care of yourself too.

    Thinking about you today... Hugs... SFR
  18. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Heather, it doesn't sound horrible at all. Your difficult child is in crisis and needs your full attention. Your "easy child" (I'm sorry, but I'm struggling to call him that right now) is healthy and safe AND he has been treating you horribly. You need to focus on difficult child and yourself.
    Sending many hugs and healing thoughts.