Rec'd a phone call from psychiatrist yesterday....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    afternoon. I'm not used to talking to him personally .... usually his nurse. Well, I wasn't sure why he was calling at first because he updated me on his golf game a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, he didn't do too well but took my advice on the 5th hole beer break. :D

    psychiatrist was calling about wm, who isn't & hasn't made any significant improvement over the last (almost) 3 years while in the therapeutic treatment home. We're all very frustrated.

    psychiatrist is very concerned - psychologically wm is just not ready to face up to many of the issues in his life. He is not motivated to move ahead - no matter what we dangle in front of his nose. No matter what consequence is given. All wm has to say is that kt is home & he isn't & that isn't fair. psychiatrist agrees with him & asks wm why he isn't at home. wm blames everyone else & of course the main reason is that I love girls more than boys. :badmood:

    Our visit with wm this past weekend was less than special - let's just say wm became aggressive with me & his father right in front of foster mum & group home staff. wm told psychiatrist that he was angry that I wasn't getting well quickly enough. So he attacks me physically. Makes sense to all of us. (We have a therapist appointment tomorrow with wm & I'm to be surrounded by 3 big burly SWs). Geez.

    psychiatrist also asked to switch wm's medications out - he'd like to try out some of the medications that kt is taking & seem to work for her. As they are twins it may work. Of course, it might not work. We can only wait & see.

    In the meantime, we need to slow this boy down enough to get him to process all the anger & emotions that are keeping him so very stuck at the emotional age of 6. He's gettting teased at school because of his whininess, he's setting himself up to be abused by peers in ugly ways & he's just not growing.

    My boy is stuck.

    Thanks for listening. The best part of that conversation yesterday was listening to psychiatrist's version of his golf game. Wish I could meet his golfing partners & hear the other side of the story. :bigsmile:

  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh! I just can not imagine how absolutely frustrating that conversation was. It frustrates me and I do not even know the boy.

    Well, at least you know you and a whole team of people have done everything they could to get to him.

    Maybe the wilderness trek is for wm.

  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Oh wm! I am so sorry. I hope the new medications will help. It is so hard when kids are at a place that they see others are doing better but just can't see how to get themselves moving. It must be hard for him to watch his sister progress and can't take that next step himself.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    busy, I don't generally cry while talking to psychiatrist - I just don't break down like I did yesterday. He was very sympathetic & cannot come up with any more than I've already put in place for wm. psychiatrist is more concerned for my health & how the stress of wm is affecting my ability to heal, if you will.

    That made me cry more. He told me to call him anytime ~ wm is one of his toughest patients. psychiatrist looks at kt & wm's background in bio home & is amazed at the different outcomes to date. He was betting on wm to come out this end in better shape than kt. kt has really impressed psychiatrist of late.

    Andy, that's all wm can see - kt getting better. And he really doesn't know what is going on with kt; she isn't discussed other than in very general terms.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am sorry you are going through this. You have done absolutely everything you can for both of the twins. The statement that you love girls more than boys must hurt. I hope the medication change makes a difference, I know that my difficult child and husband share several medications, but husband is more sensitive to medications and takes a lower dose. If there is a link between father and son, there very well could be one with twins.

    Hugs, and try to take care of you. I can understand WM being angry because you are not getting well, but attacking you because of that makes no sense.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I am so sorry wm is stuck. I can appreciate your frustration and concern with him and the lack of progress.

    I hope the psychiatrist's strategy with the medications works. Could it be that wm's brain is just not as tough as kt's -- I seem to remember something about the male brain being less resilient and potentially more easily damaged by certain kinds of trauma (stress being one). Then again, puberty is supposed to be a time when you have the greatest chance of affecting long lasting change in their still developing brain... so there's still hope.

    It's so great that you are seeing such huge improvements in kt. I hope her growth continues in this direction!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry wm is stuck. It must really hurt to be accused of loving him less than kt. Especially to have HIM make the accusation.

    Please take good care of yourself in every way you can. psychiatrist isn't the only one who worries about you. You really have gone way past what many parents even CONCEIVE could be done.

    I am very glad kt is doing so well. She is an amazing young lady.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The personal phone call certainly indicates that Wm has a caring and thinking psychiatrist....that's reassuring after so many years of treatment.

    Hang in there. DDD
  9. Christy

    Christy New Member

    It terrible that Wm is so stuck. It must be so hard for you to see him caught in this stage where he is blaming everyone else and he thinks the world is against him. I hope that somehow, maybe the new medications, will get him to think more clearly and understand what he needs to do to more forward.
  10. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    I'm impressed psychiatrist called too, and I hope the medication change can make a difference for wm. It must be hard on him to be stuck while his sister is progressing. And extra frustrating for you that he can't see his own responsibility in changing himself. difficult children are good at throwing blame at everyone else, aren't they?

    I'm praying this conversation will lead to positive changes for wm.

  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    I'm sorry. I know it hurts and is frustrating.

  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry, I'm sure it wasn't an easy phone call. I do really hope that the medication changes can help wm. I'm sorry your visit with him turned violent. (((hugs)))
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I truly wish there was a magic wand that could take all the pain our kiddos have gone through. A way to make what happened at the hand of their bios magically disappear.

    I'm always glad when you write of kt and the strides she is making and in tears when I hear of wm's lack of progress.

    I always have a candle lit for each of our kiddos. They all started with such a rough life. At least they have us to fight for them the best we can. Do remember the psychiatrist is right. For now, your first priority has to be your health. Take care of you the best you can.

  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    meowbunny, I truly wish the same. There are days that I find myself overwhelmed at the hurt kt & wm survived - then I have to remember the word survived.

    I appreciate the candle ~ I may have to go out & do the same from this end. Hmmm.

    As to the rest of your responses, thank you. I know we have an exceptional psychiatrist. He truly understand Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) & does more talk therapy with the kids than just medication management. Knowing Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as he does, medications rarely make a difference. He's going on the small amt of bio hx & hoping a mood stabilizer will help. It certainly helped kt to a point ~ she had to learn how to react differently after the medications hit therapeutic levels.

    Again, thank you all.....