Recommended reading

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Jan 16, 2012.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    At a parent's support group last week a book was recommended that I would like to share with you all.

    Addict in the Family by Beverly Conyers .

    I highly recommend this book and are several excerpts that I found especially helpful:

    "...addiction can be viewed as a combination of two circumstances: physical dependence, or tolerance, which may, but does not necessarily, produce withdrawal symptoms, and obsessive thinking, which causes the addict's life to revolve around the use of alcohol or other drugs."

    "He identifies behaviors that are typical of people with co-occurring disorders as follows: low frustration tolerance, lying to avoid punishment, hostile dependency (exhibiting hostility toward those whose help they rely on), limit-testing (normal in children but problematic in later adolescence and adulthood), alexithymia (the inability to verbalize feelings or ask for help), rejection sensitivity (an extreme need to be accepted), dualistic thinking (judging people and events as only right or wrong, good or bad, without accepting moderation or shades of gray, and the present-tense thinking (lacking a sense of past or future, leading to repetition of the same mistakes over and over again). .

    Most of the parents I have spoken with about their child's addiction support these findings. Most say their child was depressed, anxious, or oversensitive before the substance abuse began."

    "Each time an individual enters a higher stage in the process of change (going from contemplation to preparation, for example), understanding of the problem may expand, and self-awareness may grow. Even mistakes and relapses can lead to a greater knowledge that may one day translate into awareness and motivation necessary to make sustainable changes."

    "The accumulation of experiences, many of them terrible, some of them glimmers of light, slowly built the foundation for recovery."

    "When families help addicts avoid the consequences of their actions-which might be losing their home or job, going hungry, going to jail-the families are depriving addicts of an opportunity to grow. Likewise, when families are able to step back and let events follow the natural course, they are giving their loved ones a chance to learn valuable lessons. The phrase growing pains comes to mind here, reminding us that human growth often involves some pain. By letting their loved ones feel the pain of addiction, families are leaving the door to recovery wide open."

    There are many many more passages I found extremely helpful and relevant. I hope those of you who read this book will find it helpful to you also.

    Last edited: Jan 16, 2012
  2. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Thank you for sharing this. I really like the quotes you shared.
  3. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    Thanks so much - I will be looking for the download today. I read the passages you outline and it's kind of scary. I identify all of those tendencies in my son. He has been struggling through recovery since last summer. He just completed a 6 week IOP and is in an aftercare program. When I read what you outline, I see those things in him. I know that he has begun to see the value in sobriety and his own tendency to be dependant on substances, but I still see many of these traits. I am hoping that his recovery can continue dispit this while he continues to work on these traits with his counselor.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I am going to see if I can get this book today... those passages you read described my son to a T.

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL I thought of you and Kathy especially, and of course myself, when I read this book. I saw all of our kids in these pages. I downloaded it on my ipad. It's a very easy read but sure did give me a lot to think about.

  6. compassion

    compassion Member

    Thanks.I will order this today. Compassion
  7. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Thanks for the suggestion. I plan to read this book soon.
  8. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Ordered it today. Have read something else she wrote years ago and remembered the name. THANKS!
  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Loved the excerpts you shared.
    Can certainly identify with the anxiety, depression, black and white thinking and being overly sensitive.
    This sounds like a very good read.

  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am now reading her sequel Everything Changes. It's excellent.

  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I down loaded it and have started reading it (addict in the family)... since hubby is away I should get a lot read tonight. So far it rings true and I like the fact that she talks about a lot of parents and the issues they have with their addict kids.

  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The sequel deals with the family dynamics during the early years of recovery and what parents should and shouldn't do for support. It's very relevant to us right now.