Thank you everyone, TRULY. Even if we disagree or agree, I appreciate the honest replies (more than you know) because it helps me see different views. Being a single mom, you don't have the luxury of brain storming and discussing situations before acting. You only have your mind and what's going through it. That's why I come here and ask the tough questions, and throw out my thoughts (even when extreme). So I really appreciate everything that's been written. My point of view is just that, mine. It doesn't mean it's right, or complete. There are so many angles in this. It's not just one thing. Starb, I have asked for respite and never receive it. In other posts you'll see the history and frustration with our "so-called" wrap around services. Yes, the bio-dad issue scares me becuase lately I've seen SO MUCH of bio-dad in difficult child. difficult child does the same looks, the same sentence structure of threats, the same spiteful response, the same "poor me, you did this to me" attitude. The same cussing words and sentences. It's just blows my mind. How does this happen when he's been out of their lives for so many years. I mean difficult child was 2.5 yrs old the last time he saw him. So how can he act and talk like him so much? This week difficult child has acted more like bio-dad then any other time put together. MAYBE that's why I'm trying to nip this in the bud (so to speak). It DOES scare the h-l out of me to see this occur, and I'm desperately trying to SAVE my son. The issue with easy child acting like difficult child is troubling me too. This also scares me, and I want to "at least" be able to save him, if I can't save difficult child. Today, this morning, driving to town my mind and heart are betraying my decision to be so strictly anti-christmas. I have discussed this with easy child's caregiver over and over. She is catholic, and she knows how spiritual I am. I'm spiritual, but not religious. I think that's why we can talk easily. She completely understands what I'm trying to do, and how hard this is on me. She also sees how I'm treated and is totally against this level of abuse. She also sees that I want to do x-mas, but I have to save my credibility too so that they know to take me seriously. What a puzzle to solve. So she and I are brain storming in how to be able to do ALL of this. Letting them have a joyous morning of waking up to Santa's visit, giving to charity, and trying to mold and squash out difficult child's behavior. I think I'm going to let Santa come and decorate and give gifts on christmas eve when they are asleep. In the morning when difficult child asks how come Santa did this, I could say something like "Santa and I talked, and he still wanted to do this for you and I agreed. But it does not mean that your behavior is acceptable. It only means that you are loved by so many people, that that level of love can not and should not be expressed and given". Something like that. Then we can still go and give out presents at the shelter (if I get a needy family to be their sponsor. I have to check on that today, so I can go get gifts for them.) Any suggestions on how to do this, and still stay credibile in their eyes? Thanks.