Right Decision?

[Cora]

Hi, I've been reading posts on here for a while now, never posted anything though.
I've recently made the choice to not let my son use my address to get out on parole. He's been in prison/jail for little more than a year.
His total time is 6 years, not for anything violent. He just called me and pretty much told me to change my mind. Said I didn't understand that
he could change his address within 24 hours after release. I fully realize he can change address, I also realize that using my address requires that
I agree to warrantless searches. Even if "they" only come once, I still won't agree to a search no matter how formal or informal it is.
So now it's going to be my fault if he doesn't get out. He says he doesn't qualify for any half way house or reentry program, corrections
officer told me he could fill out paperwork for transitional living and wait for an opening.
This post makes no sense, it sounded better in my head............from past experience I have no trust in my son.
This whole thing is making me so upset it almost makes me sick.

Sorry about the jumbled mess I wrote, hope you can at least make a little sense out of it.

 

[DazedandConfused]

Hi Cora,

Your post makes sense to me. I do not have experience with having an incarcerated adult child, so I have not been in your position. I am, however, the mother of a narcissistic, gaslighting, and verbally abusive adult son. I gather he needs to list an address as a condition for getting out on parole and expects you to allow yours to be used even though it would open you up to warrantless searches. I would not be agreeable to that either. I understand and empathize with your lack of trust in him. Of course, it is not YOUR fault if he does not get out on parole. Sometimes, I am gobsmacked by our adult children's lack of ownership in their own choices and, frankly, tragically STUPID decisions. Likewise, how they then level the blame on us for their self-made troubles.

I know this forum has been slow due to the owner's passing. Some wonderful people are trying to get it back on track. Please let us know how you are doing.

 

[Nomad]

Hello. Welcome. I think it’s wise for you not to agree to have your son live with you. This what your gut is telling you and chances are sky high, it’s the correct choice.

It sounds like the officer gave him an idea for a good alternative. I hope he seriously explores it.

 

[Cora]

Hi, I didn't reply to either of you because I thought I deleted this post. I was unsure of what to say.
I do appreciate the replies, it does help greatly. I hope everyone on this site will be able to find at least enough
relief and strength to find a more peaceful mind.
Thank you