Sad that people can't be more accommodating...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by forkeeps251, Jul 3, 2013.

  1. forkeeps251

    forkeeps251 Member

    I enrolled difficult child in a summer program at our community rec center. He went there last year and loved it, but he was in a building with younger kids and not with the older kids at the actual rec center. The price couldn't be beat and I thought he would like it this year too.

    This year though, he never quite got into it. The majority of the time is spent in the gym, playing sports. This is probably 5-6 hours a day worth of sports. difficult child does NOT have the confidence to play with these kids, most of them who are older and nearly ALL of them who are bigger (he is on the small side). So, he wanted to sit out (on the bleachers) instead. And (kind of surprisingly), he has not misbehaved at all! He has been sweet and well behaved there, just playing by himself and minding his own business. I've talked with the guy running it and he is an elementary coach and familiar with kids like difficult child. But today I got a call saying that difficult child would NOT play soccer. I talked to him over the phone and tried to persuade him to give it a chance, but he REALLY didn't want to. It was one of those mom moments where I KNEW he wasn't trying to be difficult, that being forced to play soccer with a bunch of kids when he didn't understand the rules would be a MAJOR source of anxiety for him.

    So, I told him to try the next game they played and sit this one out.

    When husband picked him up, they said "We don't think this is the right program for your son". So, basically... we are without summer care for him now. And while that upsets me, it upsets me even more to be told that difficult child doesn't belong, when he wasn't even doing anything wrong except not participating. Ugh, getting chocked up just thinking about it. It's a shame that people can't be more accommodating to those kids with different interests, who don't want to play sports ALL DAY LONG.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Big HUGS coming your way. GFGmom (yep, back in the 60's/70's) was excluded and sometimes invited to leave via a contact with me. She never screamed, yelled, cussed, hit etc. She just could not conform. Her son, difficult child#2 who lived with us for many years really could not pick up on the social rules (also game rules) and instead of being invited to leave he was basically ignored...which, of course, confused the heck out of him. I wish I had a solution to offer but all I can offer in understanding and sad support. It truly IS sad that people can't be more accommodating. DDD
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I learned early to pre-vet every single activity. No matter what "they" said, too often there was a forced-compliance angle and... difficult child cannot handle it.

    I'm going to park the rant, though... I could write a book.
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    That was great that he was so good in such a difficult environment. I would be livid and hurt as well.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I think that it's great that he was able to behave and not act out while sitting on the side lines. I also think it's terrible that they could not find a way to find something that he wanted to do and was willing to participate in. Why did ALL of the kids have to play soccer? Couldn't a small group do something else? I would not be pleased, either, especially since he wasn't misbehaving, and they did not go very far to try to find something that difficult child would do.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry this happened. It sounds like he was making good choices. I wish more programs were like one of the programs we have here. They actually hire extra people to help with difficult child kids.
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I with the others who think it's great he behaved so well in that environment. Choosing to "sit it out" does not always translate into "noncompliance" for our difficult children. They are blessed when someone understands. Our kids don't fit inside a traditional box and it takes someone who can think outside the box to help them thrive.

    Sorry this is created a difficult summer situation.

  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Too bad he can't be a "helper" working with the younger kids...
  9. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yeah, there are so many things they could have done, but their first response was to kick him out. Shame on them.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I don't understand why people are so intolerant. If difficult child wasn't causing a problem or hurting anyone, why did they give a dang if he played soccer or not? difficult child would likely be happier in any other environment if he isn't so into sports but I don't know what you would find for him to do. there are almost no summer programs in our town and it is super hard for working parents to find care for kids, esp after they are about ten. I am sorry.

    Praise difficult child for not being a troublemaker and I would make a significant complaint to this program about their intolerance. I would want an answer.
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ouch - that's tough!

    Just a thought, though - it may not have been "intolerance" as much as it may have been "short - staffing" and "potential liability". If one child is refusing to participate in the group can sometimes be difficult for the adults in charge to adequately supervise all the kids....and they have to make sure that no one is being left out or left behind without an adult accompanying them.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    DF... I thought the same at first, but... back when I was a kid, the one "sitting out" was me. And they found better ways to include me. Like... score-keeper, or water-boy (we weren't so politically correct back then), or some other such task that meant that I was involved "with" the group but not "involved" directly in the activity. There ARE ways to meet the needs of the kid and still meet the needs of the "lawyers" and "accountants". been there done that.

    These days, too many of the "staff" are just students themselves - supervising kids a few years younger. They don't have the experience to think outside the box, so they just do what they were told.